We’ve made comments about certain property listings where the photos seem more suited to an art gallery than a home website. Today’s house, though, is in a class by itself for serious WTFness. This San Jose museum masterpiece is so moved miles more than the masonry mainstream that it was nominated by two different Burbed readers within 24 hours: z2amiller and mtv-renter.

Grab your AudioTour listening device, slip on your headphones, and enjoy these curated images from a Cambrian townhouse available right now through your favorite real estate professional.  Or pick your least favorite realtard just to make ‘em have to look at it.

5692 HOLLYLEAF Ln
San Jose, CA 95118
$485,000

HOA Dues: $329/mo.
2 Beds
2 Baths
1,102 Sq. Ft.
$440 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1973
Lot Size: 2,120 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 9 days
HOA Dues: $329/month
Style: Traditional
Community: Cambrian
MLS#: 81308592
Property Type: Townhouse
View: Green Belt, Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara

This home is a work of art! Upon entering you will be amazed at the artistry of the tile floors and walls These amazing mosaics were designed by a true artist. This colorful home features a remodeled kitchen with granite counters updated appliances copper sink double pane windows 2 spacious patios 2 car garage and a great location in the complex across from a green belt Must See one of kind Home!

Tile? That roof above looks just fine for a place in California.  Although somebody please give this listing agent some punctuation.

Ooooookay, the patio is just a touch on the loud side.  Things are about to get louder, so click on through. Warning, eye protection is strongly recommended.

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Who’s priced out forever, and getting more priced out by the minute in Bay Area Bubble 4.0?  Not you! Not when you check out this completely affordable home in Oakmmphf CLOSE TO SAN FRANCISCO. Heck, you could pick up this sweet little lodging on your way home from the grocery store.  Well, you could if there were a grocery store anywhere near it.

Undisclosed Address
Oakland, CA 94621
$133,000

2 Beds
1 Baths
997 Sq. Ft.
$133 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1905
Lot Size: 3,200 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 4 days
Type: Detached
Stories: 1
County: Alameda
Style: Victorian
Community: E Oakland
MLS#: 40607349

Great 3 bedroom / 1 bath home with Tall ceilings! (Public records 2bd/1ba buyer to verify all property information) Spacious family room. Large eat-in kitchen w/ tile flooring. Spacious bath with tiled flooring. Homepath and Homeapth Renovation Approved!

Again with the undisclosed addresses?  Burbed laughs at the idea and discloses them.  We know how to use… teh Google!

2070 85TH AVE
OAKLAND, CA 94621
$133,000

Single Res | 2 beds | 1 baths | 997 sq. ft. | 3200 acres | 17 days on market | MLS# 40607349
Active
Price : $133,000
Bathrooms : 1
List Date : 03/04/2013
Approx Square Feet : 997
Listed Days Back : 17
Price per sq. ft : $133
County : Alameda
Approx Lot Feet : 3200
Location : 2070 85TH AVE, OAKLAND, CA 94621
Approx Lot Acres : 0.073
MLS# : 40607349
Approx age : 108
Status : New-REO
Homeowner`s Association Fee : -1 / n/a

Anyone know the difference between Homepath and Homeapth Renovation? Don’t ask Redfin. This is below their minimum commission.

We’re spending too much time in Silicon Valley.  Let’s pop over to the East Bay and see if Bay Area Bubble 4.0 has wafted across the San Mateo Bridge yet.  Today’s featured property bubbled up from Burbed reader J from Alameda!  Thanks very much for keeping us Real, which means the whole Bay Area.

623 CENTRAL Ave
Alameda, CA 94501
$285,000

2 Beds
1 Baths
1,139 Sq. Ft.
$250 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1909
Lot Size: 3,960 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 1 day
Type: Detached
Stories: 1
Community: West End
MLS#: 40607329
Style: Colonial
View: Other
County: Alameda

Classic Colonial Revival, 2 bed 1 bath ready to refinish. be the one to gain from the sweat equity.

Upcoming Open Houses

Saturday, Mar 23: 2:00-4:30 pm; Sunday, Mar 24: 2:00-4:30 pm

Comments

Bring your contractors

That last phrase under comments? It’s hidden in the web page and popped up when we did a copy and paste.  Heh heh.  What else is hidden on all those Redfin pages? Maybe it’s an early Easter Egg Hunt.

Now let’s check in with J.

I have been driving by this house for years and wondered how it was still standing. I am still wondering. Let’s see how hot the Alameda market is – how fast will this fly? While not quite RBA it is just a bridge….or ferry…or BART ride away….oh, and make sue you check out the street view.

First let’s check out some more of the house.

And the streetview?

Wow! Lots of neighbors ready to welcome you!

Still not convinced that we’ve entered Bay Area Bubble 4.0?  Burbed reader wahnny has another entry trying to support our hypothesis.  Let’s take a good look at this cavernous castle in Campbell!

255 EVERETT Ave
Campbell, CA 95008
$579,900

2 Beds
1 Baths
784 Sq. Ft.
$740 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1980
Lot Size: 2,640 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 5 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: Campbell
MLS#: 81307702
Style: Cottage/Bungalow
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara

Another Gem by Gaurdian Home Brokers, nestled in the Quaint town of Campbell. Located a short walk from starbucks and the Famous Pruneyard Shopping Center. This Bugalow features all new kitchen with granite counters, stainless appliances, paint int/ext, landscape, new windows and more. Top-rated schools.

And heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s wahnny!

Another [example of bubble pricing] is a flipped 1900s bungalow in (non-RBA) Campbell,

Not quite as cozy, and on a much smaller lot, but near top-rated schools / starbucks /shopping centers, and currently selling for "not a lot of money".

This is much better, wahnny, this is a flipped 1900s “bugalow.”  Another Gem by Gaurdian Home Brokers. (If the realtard meant this agency in Folsom, then we must admit this is the first time we’ve caught one who couldn’t properly spell the name of their own broker.)

If you’re interested, the before pictures and listing are available here (photo right).  Here’s the older listing copy:

Amazing potential! Southern-facing FIiXER UPPER w/ sunny fenced yard! In a sweet architecturally eclectic neighborhood a block to the heart of Campbell & restaurants, cafes, boutiques, & Sun. Farmer’s Market. Master br w/ walk-in closet & access to private patio. Eat-in kitchen w/ breakfast nook/laundry closet has French doors to the large yard. Fully fenced & low maint. yard.

Look at that!  For $180K less than the current asking price, you could have done business with an agent who could not only spell, but also use words like “eclectic.”

It’s almost time for the weekend, and that means more Open Houses!  Now that Daylight Savings Time is fully in force, we can dispense with Winter Bubble and move directly to Spring Bounce.  So let’s have a look at this stupendously staged showcase, courtesy of Burbed reader Darkhorse.  Thanks very much!  And remember, if you have the perfect (by which we mean not at all perfect) listing for our front page, send it on in with your nominating speech, and you can also have your completely arbitrary internet handle turned into a tag!

1621 HURST Ave
San Jose, CA 95125
$1,245,000

3 Beds
3 Baths
2,150 Sq. Ft.
$579 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1984
Lot Size: 6,435 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 3 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Willow Glen
MLS#: 81307527
Style: Tudor
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara

Upcoming Open Houses

Saturday, Mar 16: 1:00-4:00 pm
Sunday, Mar 17: 1:00-4:00 pm

Regular & As-Is Sale, a Unique Custom Built Tudor Style Home w/ many upgrades in the last 4 years; Master suite w/ fireplace, guess bedroom, Sauna & Den upstairs; Master bed, 3rd bath w/ shower/steam room, kitchen, pantry/wine cellar, separate laundry area w/ butler downstairs; Beautiful landscaping; 2+2-Car Garage w/ compressor, lift, upstairs Art Studio/Recreation Room/Storage & Long Wide Drive Way.

What did Darkhorse find so Special about this house?  Surely it wasn’t just the compressor.

Willow Glen Listing — Thought you might enjoy this listing. The photos are stunning,  maybe a new staging technique, wonder if the tiger and swords are included with the purchase price.

Tiger? Swords? Darkhorse, how could you possibly miss the DOG PET HANGING OUT?  (Burbed reader DonnieJ says that’s a cat.)

Guess when a house has staging of this caliber, the buyer won’t mind that a Unique Custom Home w/ many upgrades in the last 4 years needs to be listed as-is. But don’t worry, it’s a REGULAR SALE! Park anywhere on the Long Wide Drive Way.

What do you think? Typo, toxics, or TERRIFIC OPPORTUNITY?  Buy now, at a LUCKY PRICE!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer for this superlative steal in San Francisco!

430 Eddy
San Francisco, CA 94102
$8

— Beds
— Baths
— Sq. Ft.
Built: —
Lot Size: 6,356 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 25 days
Property Type: Lots & Acreage
County: San Francisco
Community: Tenderloin
MLS#: 404942

2 lots; 430 Eddy St. & 519 Ellis St. There were previous approvals for 46 Senior Units. Approvals are expired. Offers will be reviewed on or after March 15th. There is no asking price. Seller reserves the right to reject any offer.

Whoa.  This is so different than all those other real estate deals where the seller has to take any offer, no matter how ridiculously insulting.  Like, say, $8 for two lots in San Francisco.  And not the part way the heck out by the fog, either.  No, this is in the Tenderloin, the sweetest neighborhood of all!  Now, let’s have a look at what they’re selling and forgot to photograph.

Yesssss! Score! Trash bins!

See that big red Pin with an A on it? That’s A for Approvals Are Expired, so their loss is your gain! Start your overbidding now!  You know why you should invest in this area?  It’s a growth opportunity!

That’s right, there is no unit above or better than this Mountain View maisonette.  Read on to find out why!  Warning: sale may have closed already.  Our thanks to Burbed reader LomaLuvr.

1939 Rock St #17
Mountain View, CA 94043
$325,000

HOA Dues: $299/mo.
1 Beds
1 Baths
697 Sq. Ft.
$466 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1963
Lot Size: 2,917 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 7 days
HOA Dues: $299/month
Style: Contemporary
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara
Property Type: Townhouse
Stories: 1-3 (Low Rise)
Community: Rengstorff
MLS#: 81306070

Rebuilt in 2006 * Charming1 bedroom Condo * Closed to Google * Quiet 19 units community * No unit Above * Gorgeous Kitchen w/ Granite Countertop, Cherry Cabinet, SS Microwave & Refri. w/ Tile Fl. * Family Rm w/ Recess Lights & Crown Molding * Master Bedrm. w/ Ceiling Fans & Closet * Private Backyard * Cheerful Bathrm w/ Tiles, Vanity, Granite countertop, SS faucet * Indoor Laundry * One covered & One Guest Parking

Nothing like a rebuilt place that where you can take one look at the kitchen and say, yup, rebuilt in 2006.  Definitely 2006.  Added bunus: kitchen cabinetry matches the landscaping.  Only in the Bay Area do we have homes so Special that they’re staged with that degree of fit and finish.

All this, and closed to Google too!

Properties featured on Burbed can be one of several things.  They can be the classic ridiculously high-priced crapbox, which is our bread, butter, and without so much rat in it.  There’s your basic eye-popping completely-overdone-for-the-neighborhood McMansion.  There’s your that’s-not-eclectic-that’s-just-WTF white elephant that doubles as a falling knife.

Today’s property seems to fit into that third category. Thanks very much to longtime Burbed reader sonarrat, back with more Bay Area Real Estate Win!  And speaking of Realty Win, today’s winner is also Movoto because Redfin is on the blink and wouldn’t load this listing up.  (Or maybe they blocked us because they’re sick of our whining about those trackbacks.)

15950 Blackberry Hill Rd
Los Gatos, CA 95030
$4,095,888

Loan Payment: $14,260/mo
Bedrooms: 5
Bathrooms: 4&1/2
Size: 5,700 sqft
$/Sqft: $718/sqft
Type: Single Family House
Year Built: 2010
Lot Size: 1
Days on Movoto: 44 days
MLS#: 81301292
Status: Active

CUSTOM GATED ESTATE. NEWER CONSTRUCTION. NEVER LIVED IN. MAIN HOUSE: 4,500 SF. 1,033 GUEST HSE. HIGH-END FINISHES. SMART HOUSE; DIGITAL EVERYTHING. VEGAS STYLE PEBBLE TEC POOL W/LED LIGHTS & H20FALLS! AMAZING UNOBSTRUCTED VIEWS: SF TO SJ FOOTHILLS. CHEF’S KITCHEN, VIKING APLS. HIGH CEILINGS. 3 CAR GARAGE. RESORT PROPERTY. *AMPLE* FLAT; MORE FLAT LAND THAN YOU THINK! 1.5 MILES TO DWNTWN. LG SCHOOLS

And here’s why sonarrat checks in with this property:

Los Gatos – $4 million, Ghostbusters pool.  Built in 2010, never lived in. Is it any wonder?

Is the house also infested with ectoplasmic residue, or is all telekinetic activity confined to the pool?  Also for some reason Movoto doesn’t provide the lot size.  Per Zillow, it’s 87,120 sq ft, sufficient to snag an acreage tag.

BUNUS: Dude Hanging Out (DHO) in listing photo #20, admiring *AMPLE* FLAT; MORE FLAT LAND THAN YOU THINK!

People often ask if we’re in another Bay Area housing bubble. We usually reply that if you live in the Real Bay Area, you’ve been in Bubble 4.0 for at least a year! But not everyone is fortunate enough to live in the RBA. What if you live in the Real Gray Area, or the Corridor of Not Quite?  What if you live somewhere that Is Not Special At All?

Do you know how to absolutely, positively demonstrate it’s a fact that we’re in another bubble? When places you know are never used in a sentence with “RBA” (unless with a negative) start showing up in these questions.  When even Irvine is calling Bubble again, we have to really start taking better measurements. So, let’s head over to… Gilroy.

2367 SUNFLOWER Cir
Gilroy, CA 95020
$785,000

3 Beds
4.5 Baths
3,082 Sq. Ft.
$255 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1996
Lot Size: 0.36 Acres
On Redfin: 1 day
Property Type: Attached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Morgan Hill/Gilroy/San Martin
MLS#: 81305783
Style: Contemporary
View: Green Belt, Mountains, Neighborhood, Valley
County: Santa Clara

Beautiful Country Estates Home located on 15,000 sq. ft. lot with wonderful Hillviews. Very spacious floor plan with lots of usable land and a great location! Master bedroom located on 1st floor. Located in a cul-de-sac at the top of the hill. Shows beautifully. Don’t miss your opportunity to own this lovely home. Luigi Aprea and Christopher High School district. This is a regular sale!!

This listing is the perfect mix of mild disdain for the customer with admission that Gilroy is still The Land The New Bubble Forgot. Either than or this agent is still stuck in 2009: This is a regular sale!!

Sheesh, is MLS now charging brokers $10,000 per photo or something? What’s with this 3-in-one tiling display, when most listings manage to cough up nine photos? You would think a 3,000 sf house would have more than one inside room to show off.

Place doesn’t have much of a back yard, either. (Sorry, Streetview Not Available At This Location.)

So, Bubble or Not in Gilroy?

Updated 11:30 AM – Second house found; see end for details and plenty of pix!

AOL has been doing a real estate area for a while, including a series of videos and articles beyond the listings and search tools. Someone over there must have been reading us, because they did a piece discovering that (gasp!) there are very expensive yet definitely crappy houses for sale in the Real Bay Area.  Worse, they had the gall to call this an “AOL original.”

Have they been living under a rock? This has been our signature claim for more than seven years! Let’s listen in as self-important talking heads who don’t bother introducing themselves tell us what we already know.  (Warning: dude with beard is extra smug.)

M’kay.  There’s some really useless accompanying text, so our mission is to do a slightly better job.  Remember, it’s fairly easy to succeed when you set your standards this low.

Decrepit Homes in San Francisco Bay Area Fetch Top Dollar for Mountain Views

By AOL Real Estate Editors | Posted Feb 21st 2013 5:14PM

A sorry-looking shack, with deep cracks in the cinder-block walls and busted windows, that looks like it’s ready to collapse: You wouldn’t pay a dime for that, would you? OK, say it’s nestled in the gorgeous hilltops of the San Francisco Peninsula with no shortage of pristine mountain views. Now how much would you pay? More than $1 million? Well, that’s how much it’s going for.

We’ve probably violated Fair Use by quoting an entire graf, because there’s only one more.  There’s also only two homes in the video, and only the more than $1 million OMFG Emerald Hills (Redwood City) place (shown above in a clip from the video) has mountain views.  The other (at left, also clipped from the video) is in Willow Glen, and didn’t seem to have any views beyond the neighborhood street.

We were able to find the place in Emerald Lake in about 3 minutes, and it definitely could use a big ol’ Burbed sloppy kiss, Of course it’s already pending.  This is the Real Bay Area we’re talking about!

209 LAKEVIEW Way
Redwood City, CA 94062
$1,275,000

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,490 Sq. Ft.
$856 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1948
Lot Size: 0.38 Acres
On Redfin: 207 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
View: Mountains
County: San Mateo
Stories: 1
Community: Cordilleras Heights
MLS#: 81228879

Incredible opportunity in Emerald Hills. Originally three lots under two APN#’s (APN #057-031-480 and APN #057-031-049) which have been combined into one lot at approximately 25,150 SF. The value is in the land and the views of the surrounding hills with easy access to 280. Walk the site and let your imagination run wild. Dream big and build new or renovate. Plans are available for viewing.

We didn’t have the same success in finding the Willow Glen weedery.  This one is similar to it (Craftsman style bungalow, over 12,000 square foot lot, to be sold as-is) but we don’t think it’s the right house.  Can any enterprising Burbed readers find the house in the video? 

Update: House in video found by Burbed reader Chris. See end of this article for details and photos. We’ll also throw in a break as this is starting to get long, so click on through!

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