People often ask if we’re in another Bay Area housing bubble. We usually reply that if you live in the Real Bay Area, you’ve been in Bubble 4.0 for at least a year! But not everyone is fortunate enough to live in the RBA. What if you live in the Real Gray Area, or the Corridor of Not Quite?  What if you live somewhere that Is Not Special At All?

Do you know how to absolutely, positively demonstrate it’s a fact that we’re in another bubble? When places you know are never used in a sentence with “RBA” (unless with a negative) start showing up in these questions.  When even Irvine is calling Bubble again, we have to really start taking better measurements. So, let’s head over to… Gilroy.

2367 SUNFLOWER Cir
Gilroy, CA 95020
$785,000

3 Beds
4.5 Baths
3,082 Sq. Ft.
$255 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1996
Lot Size: 0.36 Acres
On Redfin: 1 day
Property Type: Attached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Morgan Hill/Gilroy/San Martin
MLS#: 81305783
Style: Contemporary
View: Green Belt, Mountains, Neighborhood, Valley
County: Santa Clara

Beautiful Country Estates Home located on 15,000 sq. ft. lot with wonderful Hillviews. Very spacious floor plan with lots of usable land and a great location! Master bedroom located on 1st floor. Located in a cul-de-sac at the top of the hill. Shows beautifully. Don’t miss your opportunity to own this lovely home. Luigi Aprea and Christopher High School district. This is a regular sale!!

This listing is the perfect mix of mild disdain for the customer with admission that Gilroy is still The Land The New Bubble Forgot. Either than or this agent is still stuck in 2009: This is a regular sale!!

Sheesh, is MLS now charging brokers $10,000 per photo or something? What’s with this 3-in-one tiling display, when most listings manage to cough up nine photos? You would think a 3,000 sf house would have more than one inside room to show off.

Place doesn’t have much of a back yard, either. (Sorry, Streetview Not Available At This Location.)

So, Bubble or Not in Gilroy?

Updated 11:30 AM – Second house found; see end for details and plenty of pix!

AOL has been doing a real estate area for a while, including a series of videos and articles beyond the listings and search tools. Someone over there must have been reading us, because they did a piece discovering that (gasp!) there are very expensive yet definitely crappy houses for sale in the Real Bay Area.  Worse, they had the gall to call this an “AOL original.”

Have they been living under a rock? This has been our signature claim for more than seven years! Let’s listen in as self-important talking heads who don’t bother introducing themselves tell us what we already know.  (Warning: dude with beard is extra smug.)

M’kay.  There’s some really useless accompanying text, so our mission is to do a slightly better job.  Remember, it’s fairly easy to succeed when you set your standards this low.

Decrepit Homes in San Francisco Bay Area Fetch Top Dollar for Mountain Views

By AOL Real Estate Editors | Posted Feb 21st 2013 5:14PM

A sorry-looking shack, with deep cracks in the cinder-block walls and busted windows, that looks like it’s ready to collapse: You wouldn’t pay a dime for that, would you? OK, say it’s nestled in the gorgeous hilltops of the San Francisco Peninsula with no shortage of pristine mountain views. Now how much would you pay? More than $1 million? Well, that’s how much it’s going for.

We’ve probably violated Fair Use by quoting an entire graf, because there’s only one more.  There’s also only two homes in the video, and only the more than $1 million OMFG Emerald Hills (Redwood City) place (shown above in a clip from the video) has mountain views.  The other (at left, also clipped from the video) is in Willow Glen, and didn’t seem to have any views beyond the neighborhood street.

We were able to find the place in Emerald Lake in about 3 minutes, and it definitely could use a big ol’ Burbed sloppy kiss, Of course it’s already pending.  This is the Real Bay Area we’re talking about!

209 LAKEVIEW Way
Redwood City, CA 94062
$1,275,000

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,490 Sq. Ft.
$856 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1948
Lot Size: 0.38 Acres
On Redfin: 207 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
View: Mountains
County: San Mateo
Stories: 1
Community: Cordilleras Heights
MLS#: 81228879

Incredible opportunity in Emerald Hills. Originally three lots under two APN#’s (APN #057-031-480 and APN #057-031-049) which have been combined into one lot at approximately 25,150 SF. The value is in the land and the views of the surrounding hills with easy access to 280. Walk the site and let your imagination run wild. Dream big and build new or renovate. Plans are available for viewing.

We didn’t have the same success in finding the Willow Glen weedery.  This one is similar to it (Craftsman style bungalow, over 12,000 square foot lot, to be sold as-is) but we don’t think it’s the right house.  Can any enterprising Burbed readers find the house in the video? 

Update: House in video found by Burbed reader Chris. See end of this article for details and photos. We’ll also throw in a break as this is starting to get long, so click on through!

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Yes, you heard right, today we have an actual house for sale for less than $300 big ones.  That means you have no more excuses for not becoming a homedebtor.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader holyzoo for passing along this palace in Pacifica!

627 Edgemar Ave
Pacifica, CA 94044
$289,000

Loan Payment: $1,022/mo
Bedrooms: 3
Bathrooms: 1&1/2
Size: 1,000 sqft
$/Sqft: $289/sqft
Type: Single Family House
Year Built: 1950
Lot Size: 5,104
Days on Movoto: 14 days
Neighborhood: Pacific Manor
MLS#: 81303817
Status: Active

This is a total fixer upper. The house needs everything! Swimming pool full of rancid water. Considered uninhabitable . Sewer lateral needs to be replaced. This is a contractor special. The house needs all new systems and total restoration. Large termite report calls for further inspections. Holes in walls. Wood floors ruined.

Did you hear that? This house has EVERYTHING!  Let’s check in with the zed.

Yeah, I know it’s totally not RBA, but how often do you actually see a listing for under $300k?

I think we’ll be heading to the open house just to feel thankful we don’t have cancer or gangrene.

Speaking of the open house, let’s see how open the walls are.

Wait a minute, wait a minute… Remember when we last saw floors like this?  Sure you do.

Now, we are definitely not saying that this house could have allegedly been a hypothetical meth lab.  And we are definitely not saying that this house could have been used for any non-normal innocent suburban purposes whatsoever OH PLEASE DON’T SUE US PLEASE DON’T THROW US INTO THAT BRIAR PATCH JACKPOT JURY PROCESS. 

But we are saying that it’s a good thing the nearest fire station is, we swear we are not making this up, only 88 yards from this house.

Have a look at some more pictures, including one that is very definitely NSFW, after the break.

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Sometimes we run across some terrific properties where the listing is canceled before we can feature it. And as long as we can still find the information online somewhere, we’ll still share it with our fans.  Today’s featured home spent more than TWO YEARS waiting for a suitor and finally went home from the Ball, alone and dejected.  But now the housing bubble is back, at least in the Real Bay Area.  So we’re hoping to see this house on the market again Real Soon Now.

125 Northgate St
Woodside, CA 94062
$9,999,500

Loan Payment: $35,366/mo
Bedrooms: 6
Bathrooms: 8
Size: 16,900 sqft
$/Sqft: $591/sqft
Type: Single Family House
Year Built: 1934
Lot Size: 124,973
Days on Movoto: 755 days
Neighborhood: Woodside Heights
MLS#: 81054806
Status: Cancelled

BOARDER OF ATHERTON! LOS LOMITAS SCHOOLS! 2.89 ACRES! OVER 17,000 SAUARE FEET! The Buck Estate. Designed by noted architect Albert Farr, who modeled Buck after Hampton Court in Middlesex, England, a 16th century royal family residence. Brick & stucco cut stone, high Gothic arches, slate roof,& bay views. Ornate plaster details, beautiful rooms of original carved wood panelling.

Wait a minute, this place looks very familiar.

And the current listing photos on Movoto are exactly the same as the ones from almost two years ago. What isn’t the same is the price.  Looks like this charming cottage took a 22% haircut before leaving the barber’s chair.  Let’s have another look inside.

These pictures look way worse blown up larger (click ‘em!). And now that any fool can take HDR photos on an iPhone, maybe this is all we should expect.  After all it is the BOARDER OF ATHERTON.

Today’s featured property is brought to you by Burbed reader wahnny.  It’s perfect for a quick little mini-vacay, because it’s an easy drive from Google, Facebook, Apple, or wherever you should be working this weekend.  Just plop down the cash (easily found behind the couch cushions or by redeeming a couple of stock options), pitch your tent, and enjoy!  Plus, you could build a house on it!

2155 Tucker
Scotts Valley, CA 95066
$140,000

— Beds
— Baths
— Sq. Ft.
Built: —
Lot Size: 4.74 Acres
On Redfin: 9 days
Property Type: Residential Land (Single Family)
Community: Scotts Valley North
MLS#: 81304038
View: Mountains
County: Santa Cruz

Perfect vacation spot with a self sufficient little cabin. Off the grid with spring fed water. A wonderful tree house, a zip line, a foot bridge PLUS your own beach on Soquel Creek (year round water) Great place to get away, enjoy the peace and quiet. Read a book, go for a hike, let you kids enjoy the the outdoors! Can’t see a neighbor who you all share in the road maintenance.

Here’s why wahnny sent in this delightful home away from home (that is, if by home, we actually meant a place that doesn’t have a house for grown-ups on site).

Just came across this offbeat/offgrid Scotts Valley getaway.  What an interesting use of children, to help sell property.  And deep in the woods no less!

Unlike the "mini-San Simeon" property, this one actually has a zip line, as well as other fun structures (cabin, treehouse), and isn’t as far from civilization/paved roads.  And it has "beach" access (to the creek) too!

Given its relative proximity to the RBA, relative RBA pricing, and r3ltrd copyspeak, it’s quite clear who this would appeal to!

Every rule we’ve ever heard about staging a property for sale says to take family photos out of the house, because the buyers want to visualize themselves in the house. If they see pictures of your family, then that makes it harder for them to see themselves living there.  Obviously either the agent never heard of this rule, or she has some really obstinate sellers.  Why?  This property features a bunch of family snaps instead of the usual listing photos.

And whoever’s idea this was, they really want you to admire the family.  The pictures of the grounds that left the wife and kiddies out are not the sharpest prints in the drawer. 

Just wait until you meet “can’t see a neighbor who you all share in the road maintenance.”  We double dog dare you to share in the road maintenance with someone you can’t see.

Bunus: Be sure to check out the listing history.

Extra-super-bunus: Last sale (at $190K in 2007) and the older photos are still available for your viewing pleasure.  You can tell this one on the right is from the old set, because it’s actually focused.

We love it when listings rise from the dead canceled and return betteh than EVEH.  Today we have a house that already made one appearance on Burbed, so another one makes it so much more full of Win!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Dibber for unearthing this unabashed ultimate unavailable (yep, PENDING!) um…

11441 Eastbrook Ave
Los Altos, CA 94024
Pending: $2,499,000
Zestimate^®: $2,507,171

Bedrooms: 6 beds
Bathrooms:6 baths
Single Family:9,300 sq ft
Lot:23,086 sq ft
Year Built:1992
Heating Type:Forced air

Description

HUGE CUSTOM CONTEMPORARY HOME W/2100SF ATTACHED GUEST HOUSE**PERFECT FOR LARGE EXTENDED FAMILY OR INVESTMENT RENTAL**EXPANSIVE LIST OF AMENITIES INLC LIMESTONE FLRS, CUSTOM FAUX PAINT, LRG MASTER SUITE W/ SITTING ROOM, GOURMET KITCHEN W/ GRANITE, WINE CELLAR/TASTING ROOM, 5-ZONE HVAC, 4FIREPLACES** TWO (2) CAR GARAGES INCL OVERSIZED HEIGHT FOR R/V/WORKSHOP**FRESH LANDSCAPING,ROOFTOP BALCONY!

We’ll leave it as an exercise to the reader to find out why Zillow led with the cabinet picture instead of the front of the house.  Now let’s check in with Dibber:

Or maybe it never left?  Winchester Mystery House, Los Altos Hills campus.   Check out the listing history.  Who says Silicon Valley is expensive.  I can get you into Los Altos Hills baby!  And only $269 per square foot.  I’m thinking listing mistake…Concord? 

Perfect for the large extended family?  Honey, please show aunt Betty to the 2100 square foot guest house, but this time please keep her out of the wine cellar and off the roof deck.  And honey, the kids really shouldn’t be playing pick-up soccer on the 280.

Yes, ridicuously cheap.  Too bad Foothill College doesn’t have fraternities.  This place would would be perfect… traffic noise would drown out the party noise!

Wonder why this never got snapped up last time we featured it… And here it is all the way from 2010!  Remember this one?

Wow, has the unwitting seller finally dropped the price low enough price to find a buyer?  Or is this just a coincidence that prices are finally going up again?

Today’s delicious domicile comes to you from Alameda, the island garden of the Bay.  Or should we say Oakland Afloat? Estuary Estates? Maybe you have an even better name for Alameda than those! Thanks very much to Burbed reader JL for finding a house with a creative command to the buyer.

492 MCDONNEL Rd
Alameda, CA 94502
$599,000

3 Beds
2.5 Baths
1,625 Sq. Ft.
$369 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1992
Lot Size: 3,895 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 19 days
Status: Pending
HOA Dues: $365/month
Style: Contemporary
Community: Bay Colony
MLS#: 40601391
Type: Duet
Stories: 2
County: Alameda

Very sunny duet home W/ big lot, great size open backyd, spacious driveway, cul-de-sac. Extra high ceiling grand entrance. Gorgeous new kitchen. double pane window. HOA cover exterior, roof, front yd & insurance. close to ferry terminal. One of a kind. Must see. Nobody pass away inside the house.

Here’s what JL had to say about the house:

Burbed is the best! I had to pass along an Alameda listing that has generous and inexplicable amounts of fail.

First, there’s only outside pictures. Never a good sign. But the best thing is the description. Granted, I think we may have a non-native speaker as the writer, but the last line is hilarious no matter what.

The strange thing is, this looks like a nice house. The redfin Streetview link takes you to a street over a block, but if you go to Google street view directly, it shows a decent-looking place. So the Redfin listing could have been nice, but instead was awesomely bad.

Awesomely bad? It’s not every house that’s not just part of a cookie-cutter tract but a gol-durn “duet home” in a cookie cutter tract that can call itself “one of a kind”! Now that’s awesomely something!  Plus there’s insurance in the front yard! The $365 a month HOA fees are just the cherry on this Win Sundae!

We tried to find the collection of “only outside pictures” without success.  Other listing sites either had the photos removed (with the listing marked as off market) or a slightly different set of photos, inside as well as out.  Here are a couple more, just in case Redfin yanks these bright and early Monday morning. 

And we mean it about the bright, as the Cherenkov radiation is strong in this one.  Just for grins, check out the outdoor pix on Zillow!  Must see.

Serious WHOA.  Of course if we had a yard like that, we wouldn’t pass away inside the house either.

It’s time for the weekend, so let’s end the workweek with one more whomp of Housing Win.  Burbed reader Tom Paine has a serious case of Whisky Tango Foxtrot for you to Foxtrot off with.

2150 big ridge Rd
Healdsburg, CA 95448
$925,000

0 Beds
1 Baths
— Sq. Ft.
Built: —
Lot Size: 80 Acres
On Redfin: 472 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Residential, Detached, Single Family
Stories: 1
County: Sonoma
Style: Other
Community: Healdsburg
MLS#: 21126715

NET ZERO – OFF THE GRID This 80 acres of pristine land with the ultimate view across Dry Creek Valley. This stunning virgin land awaits for the building of your ideal home with several buildling sites. A unique 1200 sq ft living structure with a 680 sq ft bedroom / mezanne.

When he sent this in, Tom observed:

It has a Mezanne! wHiCH Is LikE, waaaAY COOL!

Too bad it doesn’t have a bedroom.  Are we supposed to sleep on one of the buildling sites instead?  The mezanne doesn’t look comfortable.

You can’t fool us.  This house is actually a giant-ass aluminum toaster.  Too bad it’s off the grid.

That’s right, who doesn’t love a pink house?  Especially a pink house in San Jose!  How about East San Jose, because that’s what Burbed reader Tracy Tea House has found for us.  And once more, you are TOO LATE.  Seriously, would you get off your butt and buy another house? Do you want to be PRICED OUT FOREVER in Bubble 4.0?

50 PICKFORD Ave
San Jose, CA 95127
Listed for $324,950
Sold for $391,000 on 11/28/2012

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,381 Sq. Ft.
$283 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1930
Lot Size: 10,000 Sq. Ft.
Sold On: Nov 28, 2012
Status: Sold
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
County: Santa Clara
Style: Craftsman
Community: Alum Rock
MLS#: 81239001

BANK OWNED REO! Excellent opportunity to own a home with lots of upside potential. Property has two garages, both have had permits pulled but never finaled. Property needs lots of work and is to be sold in its present “AS IS” condition. Home is in fairly good condition inside but you will need to replace some doors and windows. Some kitchen appliances are missing.

Opportunity! Potential! Fairly good condition! Unfinaled permits! Bank Owned REO! (What other kinds of REO are there?) What are you waiting for, don’t walk, don’t run, rent a helicopter and FLY over there right now!  Let’s listen in on Tracy’s nomination speech:

Pink and dismal. So much more than “some of the appliances are missing.” How about the sheet rock? Stinking Pink, tiny halls, open toilets, this bank owned house has it all.

Is this the “RBA?” I like the three pictures of the street in the wild west of East San José.

Wild West is right, they even show the broken windows.  We don’t know where Tracy got the above shot because it’s not on Redfin, and ZipRealty wanted us to sign in (As If, ZipR!)

Enjoy the pictures.  We included a bunch, because we never know when some real estate site will make us sign in.  The street, the open toilet, and many more right after the break.

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As the RBA Bubble 2.0 continues expanding, look for more overdone listing copy.  This has been Scientifically Proven.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader nomadic for passing along this AMAZING find from the BEST real estate section in the UNIVERSE.

The Most Gorgeous and Pristine of Them All

SPREAD SHEET December 27, 2012, 9:32 p.m. ET
By SANETTE TANAKA, The Wall Street Journal

What is a fabulously awesome way to sell an incredibly terrific home? Try a little hyperbole.

Spread Sheet asked real-estate listings company Zillow to analyze 14 enthusiastic adjectives like “amazing,” “beautiful” and “fabulous” in home listings going back to 2007. The findings: For homes priced at $1 million or higher, overall hype is up more than 58% from five years ago.

“Agents are always looking to give something a little pop, anything to catch people’s attention,” says appraiser Donald Boucher, president of Washington, D.C.-based Boucher and Boucher Inc.

What are the most commonly used adjectives? “Beautiful” ranks first in the select list, appearing in more than a quarter of luxury home listings. “Great” comes next at 21.6%, followed by “gorgeous” at 9% and “fabulous” at 6.9%. The word that saw the biggest uptick since 2007 is “pristine,” which has seen a nearly 140% increase in use.

The words we keep noticing are “Regular sale” and “Not a short sale” and “Honest, we swear, no foreclosure here” and “Ignore those rude letters from the bank!”  But we’ve seen “pristine” as well.

This also reminds us of an observation from Freakonomics, where realtards let each other know which houses are utterly skippable by using the most overblown adjectives possible.  A house worth seeing will have specifics instead.  So you’d want to check out a “Vintage bungalow with hardwood flrs, cherry cabinets, granite & SS appliances inc Sub-Zero fridge” but maybe pass on the “Stunning house, great neighborhood, beautiful find, WOW!” that sounds very excited but describes nothing.

Some Special RBA house marketing terms:

• state-of-the-art
• dedicated server closet
• Excellent cellular signal
• Close to Google
• Walk to 3 coffee shops
• Eco-friendly landscaping
• 8888888