Good morning, Burbed readers!  It’s time for another wonderful week of wigwam winning, only we’re too danged wiped out to do anything about it.  That’s where our readers come in!

Burbed reader mabel du has graciously sent in a real estate find, complete with a very appropriate set of commentary.  That means mabel du is today’s Guest Blogger, so we’re going back to bed.  Please give mabel du a big, warm, Real Bay Area welcome with this guest post: a hella-fine hacienda in Half Moon Bay.  And somebody, please get this blogger a keyboard that includes a SHIFT key.

Want to see your name in lights as one of our Guest Bloggers?  Send in your best (by which we mean worst) property listing with your best (by which we really do mean best) writeup!

337 Mirada Rd
Half Moon Bay, CA 94019
For Sale $3,375,000

Zestimate® $2,872,044
Est. Mortgage $11,733/mo
Beds: 2
Baths: 3.5
Sqft: 5,200
Lot: 7,840 sq ft / 0.18 acres
Type: Multi Family
Year built: 1993
On Zillow: 59 days
MLS #: 81228527
County: San Mateo
Elementary school: El Granada Elementary School
High school: Half Moon Bay High School
Legal description: –
Neighborhood name: Miramar City of Naples
Parcel #: –
Per floor sqft: 5,200
Zillow Home ID: 2130285115

Break away from the crowd and live your dream. Work and live on the ocean while minutes from town. Unobstructed ocean view, private mixed-use building. first floor for retail, second floor for large work space. third floor portion of 200 sqft offers 180 degree ocean and white sand beach views. 2 beds, 2 baths, with state of the art kitchen.

 

and now, for something completely different.  as in, not in Mountain View (still the reigning center of the universe).

someone’s been trying to unload this fortress/prison/ugly thang for 4 years, and have run through a few realtors in their misguided attempt to make a profit in a declining market.  i hear concrete prices are way up;  might make more sense to try that route instead of the overpriced beach fortress with a view.

nice views?  yep.  nice house?  not so much.

sold in 2005 for $3.1 mill at the top of the market.  i’m sure the current owner is completely confused as to why this concrete monster hasn’t sold for a profit – in the past 4 years of listings.

redfin – Special pictures

check out pic #20 – hello mr. chair!   thanks to realtor elizabeth for providing a picture of a chair.  now THAT makes me want to drop $3.4 mil on this concrete blob.

pic# 23 – is that another shot of lonely mr. chair?  (That’s the deck photo right above the Price History  —ed.)

wait a sec, mr. chair found himself a mrs.,  and they both pop up in random inside (pic #18) and outside shots.  nice staging (i.e. cheap)…

poor mr. chair has been running laps in that place.

Today’s fistful of awesome in Alum Rock is brought to you by Burbed reader Tracy Tea House. Thanks very much for this foothill find!

15865 East Alta Vista Way
San Jose – East Valley, CA 95127
$499,000

3 bedroom, 1 bathroom, 1 partial bath, 1,570 square feet, Single Family
Lot Size: 15,794 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1950
Days on ZipRealty: 34
Listed: 08/09/12
Price/sq ft: $318
Estimated Monthly Payment: $1,737
Neighborhood: East Foothills
School District: Alum Rock Union Elementary School District, East Side Union High School District
Source: MLSListings Inc.
MLS #: 81229860
Views: 61
Popularity: 8
Walk Score®: 9

Large yard w/deck & view of downtown SJ & Silicon Valley — marvelous! Newly improved driveway. Home is in move-in condition. Bonus room could be 3rd bedroom. Shows well. Level site on lot. Quiet residential hillside neighborhood is minutes away from shopping & parks. Not a through street — EAST Alta Vista Way has only a few (somewhat enormous) houses on it. Enjoy the view!

And here’s why Tracy chose this house out of thousands just for you!

Near a few enormous houses.  Truly poor photography. Value fail, great list copy.

What are you talking about?  This is great photography!  Do you have any idea how hard a photographer has to work to compose images like these?  Anyone can take pictures of a house, but this?  This transcends the artform by questioning its purpose.

For example, is the front of that fireplace actually carpeted?  Or is it a ginormous piece of hard candy?  Only a truly gifted photographer could make you wonder like that.

And instant equity galore!  Just check out the price history!  In no time flat the market’s going to heat up to eleven and every property price in this county will double in eleven minutes.  Yes, you read it here first.  The Real Bay Area is back, it’s booming, and it’s bettuh than evuh!

Today’s amazing abode in Almaden comes to us courtesy of Burbed reader ChinoBoy.  Thanks very much for this fab find that shows what a real estate professional can do that you can’t: get the exact price that will get your house sold!

Or maybe not.  Read on!

6521 TIMBERVIEW Ct
San Jose, CA 95120
$914,950

4 Beds 
3 Baths 
2,450 Sq. Ft.
$373 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1984 
Lot Size: 6,230 Sq. Ft. 
On Redfin: 139 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: Tri-Level
Community: Almaden Valley
MLS#: 81215055
Style: Contemporary
View: Mountains
County: Santa Clara

WOW, NEW PRICE, Fantastic Pierce Ranch Blackwell home. Great floor plan with extra large master bedroom, plus bonus room. Formal dining room, wet bar, family room with fireplace, entertaining backyard, swimming pool with Jacuzzi. Mountain Views. Fully landscaped front and back. Updated kitchen, 3 car garage and top schools. First floor bedroom with full bath.

And this is why ChinoBoy was kind enough to share:

House has been on the market for 122 days. 

If you look at the price history, 3 price reductions, and now today they suddenly raise the price.

Logically, if they had offers at the last price, it would have sold, so why raise the price again?

LOL i know, this market is ridiculous!

WOW!  Good thing we’ve got some “Agent Insight” to help you decide if this is a good choice.

Um, we can see that in the picture, Keith.  But, um, thanks.  Meanwhile, check out the price history!

WOW!  How’s that price increase working?  Does it make this house even more Special?

Welcome back from your three-day weekend!  That’s assuming you didn’t work all three days because you’re up against some arbitrary deadline.  And if you did, maybe you’re thinking you really need a vacation.  Today’s property is for you!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Dr. Jim for this superb bivouac in Big Sur!

51422 PARTINGTON RIDGE Rd
Big Sur, CA 93920
$799,000

3 Beds 
3.5 Baths 
3,203 Sq. Ft.
$249 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 2003 
Lot Size: 2.03 Acres 
On Redfin: 483 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
View: Green Belt, Mountains, Canyon, Ocean
County: Monterey
Stories: 2
Community: North Big Sur Coast
MLS#: 81120578

The essence of Big Sur, an awesome opportunity, to own an amazing Big Sur retreat property. A private & serene location, on 2+ acres with dramatic vistas of the Pacific Ocean, along with the green and gold flowered hills of the rugged Big Sur Coast. This diamond in the rough, a terrific value, property being sold AS-IS. 2728 s. f. main house, is 75% complete, & a separate 480 s. f. cottage.

And here’s why Dr. Jim took the time to share this with you:

Just found your web site – love it!
What’s going on with this one?  The property history is bizarre.

Property history?  What about the tiny little pictures that don’t show the 25% of the house that isn’t complete?  Talk about an awesome opportunity… to take on someone else’s money pit!

But Dr. Jim is right.  Head over to the Redfin link and check out that property history.  We’d include it here, but it goes on for so long that we literally cannot copy it into one screenshot. Instead we’ll send you over there to have a scavenger hunt, where you have to find the not-an-arms-length transaction, the foreclosure, the sale at more than twice the above asking price, and count the exact number of times it went pending.

And then there’s this, back when the property was sold 9 years ago (for more than today’s asking price), when those plans for a “2800 SQ FT DREAM HOME MOSTLY FLAT” hadn’t been acted on yet.

$940,000 Last Sold Price 
0 Beds 
1 Baths 
500 Sq. Ft.
$1,880 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1999 
Lot Size: 2 Sq. Ft. 
Sold On: Feb 25, 2004
HOA Dues: $655/month
Style: Cabin
View: Mountains, Canyon, Ocean
County: Monterey
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: North Big Sur Coast
MLS#: 80340955

PRIVACY, OCEAN AND CANYON VIEWS WITH THE COMFORT OF PAVED AND GATED ACCESS GARDENS BLOOM WITH FLOWERS ON 2.1 AC. APPROVED PLANS FOR 2800 SQ FT DREAM HOME MOSTLY FLAT. VIEWS OF THE OCEAN AND A NATIONAL PRESERVE WILL GUARANTEE YOU

Will guarantee you what?  Argh, this is like reading a mystery and someone tore the last page out of the book!  Maybe it’s “If you build it, the foreclosure will come.”

We’re heading south today, for a look at this New Almaden NODder. Thanks very much to Burbed reader nomadic for keeping an eye on what’s in shadow inventory, and what’s trying to stay in the sunshine.  Let’s see how shortly this spread will be selling.

20891 ALMADEN Rd
San Jose, CA 95120
$975,500

$975,500 Price
4 Beds
3 Baths
2,888 Sq. Ft.
$338 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1920
Lot Size: 1 Acre
On Redfin: 161 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
View: Canyon
County: Santa Clara
Stories: 1
Community: Almaden Valley
MLS#: 81210207

Magical one-of-a-kind Historic Home in New Almaden! Unique historic home is loaded with CHARM! Huge porch, formal living/dining room, family room, 4 bed/3 bath (2 master suites) w/ an updated country kitchen and a workshop on a 1 acre lot. Needs a tiny bit of TLC and many newer updates! MUST SEE! Get more info: TEXT “71699″ to 79564

Get more info by texting!  Because there’s only so much info you can fit on the internet.  But text messaging?  Hope you’re on the unlimited plan.

Why did nomadic send this place in?  Let’s find out!

The listing history might inspire you.  They took an interesting approach to getting RBA returns – just HELOC it out and do a short sale for 2x the purchase price after 13 years – I wonder how much they sucked out. (After all, they won’t actually get the purchase value back out.)  I remember them trying to sell at the peak prices just after the real estate crash and thinking “good luck with that.”

What’s this?  Something about an inspiring listing history?  Redfin doesn’t have much on the old pricing, so Zillow to the rescue!

Uh, yeah.  Good luck with that.  But on the upside, if you’ve always wanted a pony, this place is horsie-ready should your magical fairy godmother ever come through with those wishes.

Anyone have any idea why Zillow has reasonably-sized pictures and Redfin doesn’t for this property? Does it have anything to do with the agent who relisted it in July?  (See the EBRD listing in Redfin, the pictures look fine there.)  Does Zillow indicating the place isn’t for sale anymore have anything to do with that?

So many questions.  So many horsies.  So much historical mortgage equity withdrawal.  MUST SEE!

A little less than a year ago we found an agent website listing ten big, expensive properties in the Real Bay Area (well, most of them were in the RBA). We dug in deep to see how the very high end market was doing as it began the fourth year of a prolonged economic slowdown.  Burbed reader Robert Dow recently sent in a Los Altos Hills luxe listing, and sure enough, it was one of the ten featured fabulous freeholds.  So let’s dwell on these digs in more detail.  To the Batmobile!

27040 Old Trace Lane
Los Altos Hills, CA 94022
$19,880,000

6 beds
7 baths
14855 sqft
3 acres
1990 built
30 days on site
MLS# 81227454
Walk Score™ 23

Spectacular Estate situated on a Private Country Lane 3.39 acres (per prelim) Main House w/dramatic entrance salon, Library/Office, Family/Game Room, Theatre, Gentleman’s Bar, Exercise Room, Wine Cellar, Indoor Exercise Pool, attached 8-Car Garage, Generator, Well for irrigation. 2bd/2ba Guest House,Tennis Court pool and elevated spa; Terrace w/outdoor fireplace; firepit . Palo Alto schools

Here’s what Robert had to say when bringing this gem to our attention.

Saw this listing for a $19,880,000 home for sale. No idea if this a reasonable price, but the house is pretty spectacular. Is this the kind of listing you’re looking for or is there some other set of criteria? Thanks.

Who wants to tell Robert what the criteria are for a home to be featured on Burbed?  There are so many ways for RBA realty to win the Internet!  For example, this one’s got a MAWBUL KAWLUM even on the guest house porch!  And check out this “library,” where books are under glass.

Like any big, expensive, and mutli-acred mansion, it has a Virtual Tour.  Unlike most of them, it also has a Gentleman’s Bar (unclear if the strippers are included, consult agent for details before writing offer).  But most importantly, it has a history, although you’d never know that if you used the Estately page.

Fortunately, when we reviewed the Astonishing Webpage we filled in all those price reductions, so there’s not much more to add.  And Zillow has it all, anyway, even if Redfin and Estately used the memory hole (as well as the seller request to not link to its Zestimate of $17,227,396)

Listed: 3/17/2008 at $25,000,000
Price Increased: 4/26/2008 to $28,950,000 (+16%)
Price Reduced: 5/22/2008 to $25,000,000 (-13.6%)
Listing canceled: 9/20/2008
Relisted: 8/30/2010 – 12/27/2010 at $24,950,000 (-0.2%)
Relisted: 2/1/2011 – 7/11/2011 at $20,500,000 (-17.8%)
Relisted: 7/22/2012 at $19,880,000 (-3.0%)

Oh, about that Zestimate.  It’s 13.3% below today’s list price, which disappoints us.  We had a theory that the Zestimate for any large, custom, hard-to-price estate like this would be exactly 15% lower than the current asking price (and if you don’t believe us, go back to the Astonishing Webpage and check all ten of them).

Anyway, the hapless seller has been chasing the market down for more than FOUR YEARS.  At what point will their price cutting finally hit the market bouncing back up?  They have to get lucky this year, there’s a couple of 8s in the price now! Oh, wait.  Facebook isn’t going to save the RBA after all.  Never mind.

Today’s house must be an Olympic-level winner, because three different Burbed readers sent it in.  We’re sure you’ll love it as much as they did.

375 ANNA Ave
Mountain View, CA  94043
$698,000

BEDS:  4
BATHS:  2
SQ. FT.:  1,216
$/SQ. FT.:  $574
LOT SIZE:  5,000 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT:  1956
COMMUNITY:  Thompson
COUNTY:  Santa Clara
MLS#:  81227441
SOURCE:  MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN:  8 days

Contractor Special! Excellent opportunity to purchase a fixer-upper in a great location in the Monta Loma Neighborhood. Excellent floor plan with private rear yard backing up to Monta Loma Elementary.

Here are the nominating speeches, first from dollarbin:

From the always popular Monta Loma neighborhood we have a hot little “contractor special”.

Only $574/sq ft?  Fortunately, local realtor Pat Jordan’s newsletter has the full story:

“375 Anna Avenue, 3 BR, 2 BA Mardell with 1,216 Sq. Ft. on 5,000 Sq. Ft. lot.  In very poor condition, offers subject to inspection (cannot see until an offer is written, because it is infested with fleas).  Notice of default has been filed.  Listed for $698,000 by Sereno Real Estate. “

I guess I won’t be able to post a first hand account from an open house.  In fact, I drove by tonight and they’re going with stealth marketing, there isn’t even a sign out front.

Not only that, have a look at the Googlecam.  The next-door neighbor is close.  Real close.

Bunus: trash bins!  Next, another nod from mabel du, who was yesterday’s Guest Blogger:

there’s only one pic on zillow or redfin, and boy-howdy it’s a beaut!  doesn’t it make you want to rush to buy this gem?  you could lose sight of your dog or kid in that weedy front lawn.  the realtor is set to make a chunk of money on this place, but he couldn’t drop $50 to get the front yard mowed?!?

“…private rear yard backing up to Monta Loma Elementary” -  oh yeah.  the sounds of screaming kids, intercom announcements, and timed school bells all day long, that’s “private” and peaceful.  (check out the satellite maps)   in case you were ondering – the school bells ring early & often, even on holidays.  so don’t plan on sleeping late very often.

Sleep late?  With all those delightful sounds you’ll be hearing?

Not to mention the amazing history this offers.  Well, amazing listing history.

Looks like this property is back in the RBA, if it can pull off this price double after just 13 years.  Which it really needed, after losing value from 10 years before that.

Ever thought about building you very own family compound?  Now you can!  These neighboring homes are for sale, so why not buy both?  Thanks very much to Burbed reader amer_icongrl for sending us these San Mateo specials.  And we promise, these are Real Special.

3815 EDISON St
San Mateo, CA 94403
$599,000

BEDS: 2
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 1,040
$/SQ. FT.: $576
LOT SIZE: 5,490 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1946
COMMUNITY: Westwood Knolls
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81222217
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 5 days

CHARMING WESTWOOD KNOLLS HOME! LOCATED ON THE WORLD RENOWN SAN FRANCISCO PENINSULA, WITHIN MINTUES FROM SCHOOLS, SHOPPING CENTERS, TRANSPORTATION AND THE SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT! THIS HOME FEATURES GLEAMING HARDWOOD FLOORS, AN UPDATED EAT IN KITCHEN WITH GRANITE COUNTER TOPS, FRENCH DOORS LEADING OUT TO A PRIVATE PATIO AND AN ATTACHED GARAGE! HURRY! THIS HOME WON’T LAST LONG!

..but wait, there’s more!

3821 EDISON St
San Mateo, CA 94403
$596,600

BEDS: 2
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 1,040
$/SQ. FT.: $574
LOT SIZE: 5,490 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1946
COMMUNITY: Westwood Knolls
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81219113
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 27 days

Great starter home on the west side featuring two bedrooms and one bath. Nice large deck, yard, views and more. This is your oppportunity. .. don’t miss it

We’ve got plenty about both houses… after the break.

(more…)

Fire up your tardis and set the controls for two days ago, because there was an Open House on this Evergreen estate and you probably missed it!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Swan for this bodacious botch-up.

3545 EDGEMAN Ct
San Jose, CA 95148
$6,399,999

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 2,699
$/SQ. FT.: $2,371
LOT SIZE: 0.26 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 2
YEAR BUILT: 1987
COMMUNITY: Evergreen
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81219851
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 22 days

Evergreen High School. Open house this Saturday, June 16, 2012, from 2-4pm. PRICE REDUCED 60K. BUYERS RUSH TO SEE THIS PROPERTY. EXCELLENT SCHOOLS. SPACIOUS 4 BEDROOM WITH 1 BEDROOM DOWNSTAIRS. AMAZING DEAL WILL NOT LAST. This is a shortsale with 1 lender only. Will close fast. PLEASE DO NOT CALL. FOR ANY QUESTIONS PLEASE EMAIL alexiatnguyen@gmail. com

Here’s what Swan has to say about THAT:

Really?  $6.3 million in Evergreen?  I think it will be around for awhile.

Talk about a typo.  Listed for $699K  on May 31, price changed to $6,399,999 on June 15.  That’s some price change!

Hope you get to see this before they correct it!

Correct it?  They’re lining up the armored cars for the outsized overbidding that’s going to result from this masterly marketing maneuver.  And it’s not as if this home price history hasn’t already experienced the thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat.

It’s participated in the run-up, peak, and bust of the previous real estate bubble, 3 sales within five years!  Now, after staying with the same owners for almost 20, it will be selling shortly.  Or at least it would if the realtard had counted how many nines she entered.

So here’s one last look at the house, courtesy of Google Streetview. Place your bets on how quickly the new price ends up in that trash bin.

Update: This amazing deal did not last.

Here comes another weekend, so let’s end on a high note.  This one is on the high end of the Peninsula: Daly City!  If you went any further north you’d be out of the burbs!

38 CLAYTON Ct
Daly City, CA 94014
$549,950

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,870
$/SQ. FT.: $294
LOT SIZE: 3,978 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Attached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 2
VIEW: City Lights
YEAR BUILT: 1977
COMMUNITY: Blossom Valley
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81222584
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 1 day
NEW LISTING (24 HOURS)

Three bedrooms, two bathrooms upstairs with an in-law unit down (not warranted). Remodeled kitchen. Updated bathrooms. Beautiful city views. Two car side by side garage. Quiet cul-de-sac location.

We didn’t even know that there was more than one Blossom Valley, let alone a Blossom Valley with City Lights views.  And there are indeed City Lights views in the first picture, thanks to the glare off the car in the driveway. 

Wonder why the listing copy isn’t screaming “Views! Views! Views!”  Because this one ought to be adding another $150K to the asking price.

And we meant it about the big lot.  Take a look!

And check out the listing history!  This house could be the basis of its own soap opera.

Finally, it’s about time we ran another pink house in honor of our founder’s taste in paint.