Many thanks to Burbed reader Heidi for this “very unique” find in Santa Clara.

2222 PRUNERIDGE Ave, Santa Clara, CA 95050
$640,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,350
$/SQ. FT.: $474
LOT SIZE: 6,270 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Traditional
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1955
COMMUNITY: Santa Clara
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81121280
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 3 days

The house with the Dragon out front. Wonderful home conveniently located in Santa Clara. Wow! There are so many ‘special and unique’ upgrades that your fussiest buyer will appreciate. Bright, airy and open layout. Hardwood Floors, upgraded bathrooms, extra large and spacious 800 sq. ft garage. .. . and YES, the Dragon is included in the sale

Here’s what Heidi had to say about the house with the Dragon out front:

Either this is the home that comes with a dragon or the dragon that comes with a home.  This home has had "Coming Soon" on the sign for about five months.  I’m glad it’s finally on the market so I can share it with you.  Burbed is my new guilty pleasure.  I love the cawlums and my husband can’t stop laughing about the "two dudes chillin.’"

Sorry, Heidi, not every house comes with two dudes chillin’, you have to pay the big bucks for Palo Alto if you want a House With Dudes. But in a more affordable place like Santa Clara you can buy The House with the Dragon out front.  I don’t get why the agent bothered mentioning ‘special and unique’ upgrades when it has a Dragon out front. 

Plus the house number adds up to 8, 2+2+2+2.  What the hell was that Realtard thinking coming up with a price with no 8s yet with a 4 when it has a Dragon out front?  It’s like he wasn’t even trying.

Speaking of not even trying, check out the back yard.  There may be a Dragon out front, but doesn’t good fung shui need some balance with a water element or something (and a hot tub would be a mix of fire and water so that doesn’t cut it)?  They could really learn a thing or two from Beautiful Eichler with Poo house.

The house with the Dragon out front is open this weekend, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, so you have absolutely no excuse to not check this place out.  It has a Dragon out front, what more do you need?

Please welcome Burbed reader SEA back to the front page with a piece that got held up in comment moderation.  SEA agreed to let us move this to the the featured listing of the day instead, so you could all enjoy every bit of this, um, amazing, um, uh, well read on for today’s Guest Blogger’s view.

Please give SEA a big, warm Real Bay Area welcome and check out this amazing price cut incredible value in Baghdad by the Bay!

Here’s a prime example of a not of money lost, but I’m happy it’s not my money:

627 La Salle Ave #73, San Francisco, CA 94124
$75,000

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 1,360
$/SQ. FT.: $55
LOT SIZE: –
PROPERTY TYPE: Condominium
STYLE: Traditional
VIEW: Panoramic, Bay
YEAR BUILT: 1981
COMMUNITY: Bayview
COUNTY: San Francisco
MLS#: 377644
SOURCE: San Francisco MLS
STATUS: Pending
ON REDFIN: 203 days

Sold: July 2005 $400k
Listed: October 2010 $100k (75% lower than last sale–Christmas in October, maybe?)
Listing price reduced: January 2011 to $75k

It did go pending in October 2010, so who knows what’s up with the January price reduction, but who was it that paid $400k for this place, and when will it be worth $400k again, even if the local/national economy suddenly looked very good? I sure don’t see a neighborhood suddenly going from $100k sales to $400k sales (to get back to 2005 pricing), and then, for those who purchased in 2005, it would need to go significantly higher to realize a reasonable return on investment. Here it is some six years later, and let’s use the “double every 10 years” standard, that suggests that this place would need to sell for $800k in just four years. Yes, that’s right, from under $100k to ~$800k in four years. The freakin’ RBA cannot compete with that.

Alternatively, Let’s say the price does not go from $100k to $800k in four years, but rather the selling price doubles in four years. This means that similar homes in the area would be worth ~$200k, so those who purchased at $400k would be down 50% after 10 years. And I think I’m being a bit generous to suggest the prices will double in that area in just four years–first prices need to stop going down, and then double.

All this while people kvetch about an extra buck for a gallon of gas. You know the routine: So many complain that gas is ‘unaffordable,’ yet they dream about buying million dollar homes. Million dollar homes cannot be the problem–let’s go to war over a few bucks each week in gas expense.

And before you tell me how special this place is on the lower end, there is at least one other in that area: 132 Dolphin Ct.

Purchased June 2005 for $410k.
Sold February 2011 for $108k.

Is that close enough to say 75% off? When will the selling price get back over $400k?

I know:

Every home is sacred.
Every home is great.
If a home is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Every home is wanted.
Every home is good.
Every home is needed
in your neighborhood.

God loves those who treat
their homes with more care.

Thanks to Burbed reader Tracy for this, um, well, I guess you could call it a house.

338 BONITA Ave, San Jose, CA 95116
$354, 250

BEDS: 5
BATHS: 3.5
SQ. FT.: 2,000
$/SQ. FT.: $177
LOT SIZE: 1,332 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 2
YEAR BUILT: 1972
COMMUNITY: Central San Jose
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81116912
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending Without Release
ON REDFIN: 18 days

Two story, with separate living quarters on second floor. Has great potential, some updating completed, needs finishing. Property is situated at rear of flag lot. Single family, zoned R2, 2828 sqft interior, 7054 sqft lot per county records, buyer to verify zoning, permits & all square footage.

Here’s what Tracy had to say about this, um, delightful domicile:

Weird flag lot
Strange prices

Oh oh.  When the listing says a lot is one size and the realtard says ignore that, it’s actually five times bigger, we know there’ll be hijinks aplenty closing on this one!

Also, if the listing figures are accurate, that means the FAR is 2000 sf/1332 sf = 1.50.  I don’t know what the allowable FAR is on an R2 lot, but I suspect it’s a lot lower than that, like maybe on the order of 0.5.

Plus it’s a really patriotic house.  Not only will you be rescuing the economy by purchasing it, it’s even on a flag lot!

Wow, the satellite imagery is so much more informative than the plat map! 

Here’s a nice view of the house, complete with deck (CAN YOU GO ON THE DECK?) and a few dozen of the neighbor’s favorite vehicles.  And I call shenanigans on this realtard.  If 338 Bonita is a 7000 sf lot, that means it backs up to a trailer park full of 5000 sf manufactured tin boxes McMansions.

Also be sure to try to check this place out on Google Streetview.  Dick Cheney spent millions of our tax dollars on an undisclosed location.  You can have one for under $400,000!

A couple of weeks ago we featured this, um, charming house in Palo Alto.  Within 7 days, the price went up $150k, because if house was featured here, it was obviously worth far more than that lazy realtard had suggested!  Obviously he/she just wanted a quick commission and didn’t care how little money the bank netted after eating the first mortgage, the second mortgage, the HELOC, the hazardous cleaning team, and the poo guy.

But after making the front page of Burbed,  the Beautiful Eichler with Pool got a more upscale description: “Live down the street from $7,495,000 home.”

So without any further ado, here is the $7.5M house!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer for mentioning this house in comments.

1535 EDGEWOOD Dr, Palo Alto, CA 94303
$7,495,000

 

BEDS: 5
BATHS: 5.5
SQ. FT.: 7,743
$/SQ. FT.: $968
LOT SIZE: 0.43 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 3
YEAR BUILT: 2002
COMMUNITY: Green Gables
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81117522
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 4 days

Incredible Hampton Style home with all the bells and whistles. Great North Palo Alto location, large lot and terrific Palo Alto schools. A rare opportunity to get a move-in home of first class quality and design. Designed and built for family living, you won’t find anything like this available for sale within 20 miles, let alone in Palo Alto.

We’ve already discussed that a homedebtor can list a house for whatever s/he wants, but it’s what a buyer will pay for it that determines the “value.”  Back in the heady days of Pay Option ARMs and OPM and PPM (whoops, that refers to how much poo per million in the swimming area), a buyer would look at the asking price and offer 15% above that. Then they’d hope the homemade cookies, the family photo, and the offer to hand-wax the seller’s Porsche for the next five years would lead to an offer being accepted.  Now, with the housing market in freefall, anything goes, which unfortunately includes agents too lazy to include the full nine pictures on Redfin when six will do.  Just six pictures, for a house with an asking price of $7.5 million.

So, is this house actually worth $7.5M?  Don’t forget that it’s “down the street” from the Beautiful Eichler, let alone in Palo Alto.  0.7 miles “down the street.”

The good news is that for an extra $6.5 million, you aren’t next to a freeway exit ramp, so you have a better chance of pretending you’re in the Hamptons.  The bad news is you’re next to East Palo Alto instead. 

I mean next to EPA, not “down the street” from it.  Right behind the back yard on the other side of the creek is Collective Roots, a nonprofit that teaches sustainable gardening and food system change (I think that’s PC for eating stuff that was actually alive).  It’s educational, which means lots of East Palo Alto kids visit their site, which is behind this house.

Let’s take a good look at what kind of neighborhood you get for $7.5 million.

Yeah, you won’t find another $7.5 million place next to this much high-density housing within 20 miles!

Thanks very much to Burbed reader Tracy for today’s featured house!

3121 PRUNERIDGE Ave, Santa Clara, CA 95051
$679,950

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,760
$/SQ. FT.: $386
LOT SIZE: 6,900 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Traditional
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1962
COMMUNITY: Santa Clara
COUNTY:Santa Clara
MLS#: 81104472
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending Without Release
ON REDFIN: 76 days

EXCELLENT SANTA CLARA LOCATION WITHIN A “STONE’S THROW” OF MAYWOOD PARK. KITCHEN, DINING AREA, AND SEPARATE FAMILY ROOM PROVIDE AN EXELLENT HOME LAYOUT. FORMAL DINING AND A BEAUTIFUL LIVING ROOM FEATURING LOVELY VIEWS OF THE BACKYARD. HARDWOOD FLOORING, DUAL PANE WINDOWS, COPPER PIPES, AND HARDWOOD UNDER THE EXISTING CARPET MAKE THIS HOME READY FOR YOU TO MOVE IN! NOT A SHORT OR REO PROPERTY.

Here’s what Tracy had to say about this listing:

“Subject: Stoned home.  I think the realtor was smoking when they wrote this one…”

Oh come on, just because the Realtard spelled “excellent” two different ways in the same paragraph, note that he got one of them right.  Plus he didn’t make any capitalization errors by the clever tactic of using only capitals.  That’s innovative thinking!  Best of all this is NOT A SHORT OR REO PROPERTY, which is good news.  I hate it when I buy a house and find out it’s actually in Brazil.

Perhaps this issue is that the house is within a “STONE’S THROW” OF MAYWOOD PARK.  Don’t worry about neighborhood hooligans breaking your windows and hiding in the park.  As you can see, the house is conveniently situated on a busy street, so there will be plenty of witnesses to any rock-throwing attempts.

Plus I question whether the house is really a STONE’S THROW from the Park.  There’s a piece of property in the way, so a park-based vandal would have to loft the stone over several houses as well as all that Pruneridge Avenue traffic to hit the front windows of this place.

Also, from where the house sits, I can tell you without having to look it up that it has Santa Clara schools!  Now we know residents of The Mission City love their utilities because they’re cheap.  So you’ll love these schools too, they make the house much cheaper than the ones across the street in that effete Cupertino Union district.

Pride of ownership: make sure the utilities match the schools and the carpets match the drapes.  Need I say more?  It’s got HARDWOOD underneath!

Here’s a great find by Burbed reader sfbubblebuyer, from the comments.  Usually we prefer that you send listings to us so everyone can enjoy discovering it together, but sometimes a shared find is so notable, so amazing, so completely without any value to a buyer but lots of value to a reader, it deserves the full Burbed treatment.  And there’s plenty to note here!

2115 EDGEWOOD Dr, Palo Alto, CA 94303
$850,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,614
$/SQ. FT.: $527
LOT SIZE: 7,875 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1VIEW:
Neighborhood YEAR BUILT: 1956
COMMUNITY: Green Gables
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81113857
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 5 days

beautiful eichler home * Great value * Backs to the exit from 101 to Embarcadero. Make offer subject to inspection please. ..

Here’s what sfbubblebuyer had to say about this “beautiful eichler home.”  It was not “* Great value *”

If they’re going to drop a deuce like that on us, they should at least PRICE it like a PA deuce.

This isn’t a deuce, sfbb!  This one is at least an eight, as in I sure would eight to live here!  Wow, complete with an exit ramp?  I can’t wait to submit my overbid.

But wait, there’s more!

All those lines, the wall, the ceiling, the radiator, the fence… it’s a perspective exercise from hell.  Agent must have flunked out of art school.

You know who else didn’t finish art school?  That’s right!  HITLER!

…the drawers, the tiles, the transoms, make it stop, I’ll tell you where the secret codes are kept, I’ll confess anything you want…

Did this agent not take Real Estate Photography for Dummies* and Why You Should Never Photograph Outside When Sun Is High?

Plus a US Mailbox, conveniently located right in the backyard!

*But I repeat myself.

Whoa.  That carpet, so suggestive of Bermuda.  If Bermuda’s waters were cut on 90 degree angles and careless aligned.  And what’s with the sky in these pictures?  Did someone take a 2 hour Real Estate Photography and How to Use Photoshop to Make That Sale instead of the full 16 hour series?

Rather nice of them to show us the pool without the Bermuda carpet.  Everybody in!

Ah, blissful summer days, playing Marco Polo until the all the ponies drowned.

Seeing the pool like this sure gives you a whole new perspective on the pleasures of owning one.

I think this last photo is my favorite.  Note clever product placement in foreground.

You know what? This house isn’t a deuce and it an eight either.  This is a Jack!

As in, would somebody please take a Jackhammer to this place?

Howdy again from your newest guest editor, sonarrat. Today, I’d like to talk with you a little bit about style and fashion. San Jose is known worldwide as an innovative city. We have more patents per capita than anywhere else in the world and are a Mecca for the high-tech industry. What we’re not known for, though, is having a strong cultural influence. The downtown movie theater is struggling, our music scene is fledgling at best, and for such a large city, the options for truly great dining are very limited. However, today’s house has a spark of the creative, the daring, and the unconventional. That’s why I’ve chosen to feature it today.

2052 Alameda Way, San Jose, CA 95126
$899,900

Beds: 4
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 2,414
$/Sq. Ft.: $373
Lot Size: 7,498 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Style: Spanish
Stories: 2
View: Mountains, Neighborhood
Year Built: 1925
Community: Central San Jose
County: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81112924
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active
On Redfin: 8 days

Awesome Spanish Villa. A Little of Past, A lot of Contemporary Features & Upgrades. You’ll Love to Entertain in Designer Kitchen: Solid Copper Counter Tops, Viking Professional Range, Top Custom Cabinets of Solid Honduran Mahogany, Tasteful Island of Honed Emperado Dark Marble, Shaw’s Orig. Sink (Ireland), Honed Travertine Floors. Mahogany Cased Custom Windows. .. too many features to list. Come By!

Are you excited yet? Overwhelmed? Maybe a little woozy? Let’s break this listing down. It’s a Spanish villa just steps from El Royal Road, so you know what to expect: fussy shrubberies, broad-leaved trees, windows that will cost more to replace than your BMW, and, of course, a white deer. Fascinating. In terms of old-world touches, we have a throwback to the 1800′s in the form of a copper countertop. In France, hammered copper used to be quite a favored material in the kitchen. It was cheap and easy to mold using simple hand tools; no hot work was required. However, one does have to question the utilitarian value and the durability of a polished copper counter. Will it turn green like an old penny? Not to matter: the impermanence of the material is part of its character.

Despite the name, most Honduran mahogany is now harvested from South Asia due to the American market being crippled by restrictions in the 1990s. This Fijian Honduran mahogany contrasts boldly with the yellow, white, stainless steel, cream, marble, glass, and darker woods in the kitchen. You may call it confused; I call it inspired.

Unfortunately, while the bathroom begs an explanation – that sink appears to be perfectly shaped so that the door won’t hit it – the listing agent decided to stop listing features at this point. In fact, he neglected to mention the house’s best feature, so I’d like to just point it out: you don’t have to keep this wonderful house all to yourself. In fact, the whole wide world comes right to your backyard. What better way to inspire a new generation of San Joseans to follow you off the beaten path than to put your individuality on display? I salute you, house!

Sometimes I forget Burbed had its roots in overpriced horrid housing.  Today’s listing reminds us of those humble beginnings that have brought us five years of ridiculously expensive crap.  Remember, any neighborhood can have cheaply built housing, but only the Bay Area can boast the most expensive domestic don’ts in the universe.

836 DWIGHT Ave, Sunnyvale, CA 94086
$325,000

BEDS: 2
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 822
$/SQ. FT.: $395
LOT SIZE: 4,000 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1944
COMMUNITY: Sunnyvale
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81112615
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 1 day
NEW LISTING (24 HOURS)

HAVE HAMMER? WILL SAVE. Spruce up this 2 bedroom the heart of Sunnyvale, needs TLC. Bonus room in rear and 2nd bath – permits unknown. Convenient to freeways, shopping, services, and public trans. Possible candidate for renovation financing. Clean up is underway. Corp-owned and sold AS-IS; no warranties or inspections provided by seller.

“Needs TLC” is realtardspeak for about to collapse as soon as a toddler breathes on it.  And it’s got permits unknown, your assurance of a good many days in the Sunnyvale Planning Department.  No wonder it’s selling AS-IS.  No inspections provided by seller, so you don’t have to waste your money on your own.  It’s AS-IS, that means, of course it’s got problems, it’s one continuous problem.

Like the “Clean up is underway” comment.  I don’t think they meant vacuuming the carpets:

Haven’t we discussed this neighborhood before?  Of course we have, this is the Super Fun place!  So when they talk clean up, let’s just say that if you want concrete countertops there will probably be plenty left over for that.

Hope everyone enjoyed yesterday’s Vallejo field trip, because we’re returning to the first California city to declare bankruptcy!  Despite managing to stay current on its bond debt, any place of comedy gold such as homeowners pouring cooking oil on their fences to repel excess prostitutes has to have real estate worthy of the Burbed treatment.

And fortunately for you, Burbed reader sfbubblebuyer has found just the place.  You are going to love this one.

745 Georgia St, Vallejo, CA 94590
$769,999

BEDS: 7
BATHS: 2.5
SQ. FT.: 3,382
$/SQ. FT.: $228
LOT SIZE: 6,500 Sq. Ft.
TYPE: Detached
STYLE: Victorian
STORIES: 2
YEAR BUILT: 1908
COMMUNITY: Vallejo Heights
COUNTY: Solano
MLS#: 40148113
SOURCE: EBRD
STATUS: Pending
ON REDFIN: 222 days

Located in the heart of Vallejo, this 3382 sq. ft home has 7 bedrooms and 2.5 baths in the Heritage Area of downtown. Extra rooms downstairs can serve as study and/or work rooms. Recently renovated, this home has hardwood floors. Escrow#502-7525 in Placer Title Vallejo

Here’s what sfbubblebuyer has to say about this house:

$770k to live in Vallejo.  Still within walking distance of the hookers.  It sold for 766, then foreclosed for under 300k.  Then bought for even less, now flipped back on the market for more than the peak pricing.
W…T…F…

Walking distance of the hookers?  That’s not a bug, that’s a feature!  Can you say… bordello?  Come on, this place has 7 bedrooms, plus extra rooms downstairs that can definitely serve as study and/or work rooms.  The property history came from BAREIS, wink wink nudge nudge.  The agent all but spells it out: this home has hardwood floors.

Just imagine all the work you could get done in this one featured room alone, at left! Century-old brickwork ensures nobody leaves without payment in full.

Now look at this location, location, location for a high-traffic business!

Convenient to Highway 29, on a corner for easy access, plus you can put in a discrete exit for your high-powered clients.

See the lucky guy in the mirror on the left?  Bet he didn’t know about the home’s built-in videocam system, clearly the inspiration for Vallejo’s plans to deal with aggressive street business.  So not only will the city’s police efforts drive traffic to your (closed) doors, you can generate a second line of income by selling souvenir photos!  Your clients will be delighted to pay premium rates for exclusive copies, too!

Don’t let a little thing like this place going pending after 222 days stop you!  Obviously it’s not really in contract, since the listing history isn’t updated.  That’s just a marketing trick to make you get more excited, wondering how firm the other offer really is.  You need to batter down the agent’s door and make your best overbid so you can start doing Vallejo business now!

Vallejo isn’t a place we’ve spent a lot of time in on this site, but that’s about to change.  Despite being not even remotely part of the Real Bay Area (RBA), Vallejo has many fascinating features.

Please welcome Burbed reader sfbubblebuyer to the front page as today’s Guest Blogger, here to educate you about what pleasures await you in beautiful, thriving Vallejo.  Let’s all give sfbubblebuyer a warm, RBA welcome!

Fear not, would be social climbers! That elusive island living on Belvedere might be closer than you think! Or at least the illusion of it! Now you can associate yourself with the name Belvedere while still maintaining easy access to ample hookers! That’s right, a new luxury condominium complex, The Belvedere, has opened and is accepting wild eyed, mouth frothing bids!

You heard right! When people ask where you live, you can smugly smile and say “Belvedere…” with only a small, plaintive, almost suicidal cry from the back of your brain saying “…in Vallejo….”

As an added bonus, you won’t have to worry about pesky cops pulling you over in your fancy sports car! After declaring bankruptcy and laying off a large percentage of their police force, you’d have to be firing rockets out of your microbus at a fleeing DeLorean before the cops take notice.

Never fear, however! You’ll be at the CLASSY end of Vallejo, where you won’t have to smell the cooking oil home owners have been pouring on their fences to keep the prostitutes from leaning against them at all hours of the day. (But to be honest, why would the prostitute object to being pre-lubed?) No, you’ll be near Costco and Kohl’s! A brisk 5 minute walk and you’ll be buying croissants in bulk to decorate your new granite smeared kitchen!

I’m sure it won’t be long before you are living the TRUE Belvedere luxury lifestyle, and the money you save by living in a crime infested hellhole town that embraces the free market in ALL its forms means you can hire this guy: