Today we have a real purty property in Portola Valley.  You know how we love expensive crap? Just crossing into this high-falutiin’ district will make your wallet squirm.  It’s expensive here even if the land doesn’t have a house.  So for this low (for PV) price, you know today’s feature will be good.  That is, if by “good” we mean something not so good.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer for this find.

211 WAYSIDE Rd
Portola Valley, CA 94028
$1,499,000

3 Beds
2 Baths
2,340 Sq. Ft.
$641 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1925
Lot Size: 0.41 Acres
On Redfin: 190 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Santa Maria/Russell Area
MLS#: 81227542
Style: Contemporary
View: Neighborhood
County: San Mateo

There are no remarks available.

Take it away, PG:

No wonder people outside the Bay Area think we are insane. Even with a Ferrari in the garage (picture #18), I can’t see the value in that one.

Sometimes, when life hands a real estate agent lemons, it’s best to keep one’s mouth shut. The eager buyer will bring the water, sugar and ice — then beg to be sold lemonade.

It’s Halloween!  We’d love to hear what you’re dressed up as today, and what your kids are wearing to their Real Bay Area schools!  But first, the trick. 

Burbed reader Tracy Tea House is serving this San Jose special today, and we’ll leave it for you to unwrap.  Remember, Tracy likes Trulia for listings, so you can too.

1747 Vollmer Way
San Jose CA 95116
$429,900

Reduced $20,000 on 10/12/12
Est. payment: 
Bedrooms: 4 
Bathrooms: 2 full, 2 partial 
29 days on Trulia
171 views
Property type: Single-Family Home
Size: 1,658 sqft
Lot: Ask agent
Price/sqft: $259/sqft
Year built: 1947
MLS/ID: 81236242
Neighborhood: Alum Rock, 95116

San Jose, CA – Single Family Detached
Description provided by Trulia
This Single-Family Home located at 1747 Vollmer Way, San Jose CA is currently for sale and has been listed on Trulia for 29 days. This property is listed by CENTURY 21 Alpha for $429,900. 1747 Vollmer Way has 4 beds, 4 baths, and approximately 1,658 square feet. The price per square foot is $259. The property was built in 1947. 1747 Vollmer Way is in the Alum Rock neighborhood in San Jose, CA.

Here’s what you get when you ring this doorbell:

Lord Voldemort’s street… This one scares me and the listing croppy is just that, strange and mystifying. Seems like, from the satellite,  there is some kind of evil carnival located on the street behind.

Listing copy?  We see no listing copy here.    Redfin says, menacingly, “There are no remarks available.”  Maybe Lord Voldemort… disposed of it… along with the lot size the agent won’t disclose online. Hint: 6477 sf per Redfin. They also have three completely different photos, including this kitchen as classic “before” snap, and a yard perfect for burying mistakes.

Now here’s a treat: pictures inside the house from three years ago.  Plus an even older listing (nine years! for $388K! with overbidding!), no photos but actual description:

MOTIVATED SELLERS HAVE ALREADY FOUND REPLACEMENT HOME AND READY TO MAKE A DEAL NEW ROOF HAS BEEN DONE WITH GUTTERS * * * TILE KITCHEN, FRENCH DOORS TO BACKYARD CENTRALLY LOCATED TO FREEWAYS AND SHOPPING * * GARAGE CONV. PERMITS UNKNOWN

Like Dr. Frankenstein, we’re digging up pieces all over the place to assemble this monster.  Movoto cached the recent listing description!

Price:  $429,900
Loan Payment:  $1,497/mo
Bedrooms:  4
Bathrooms:  3
Size:  1,658 sqft
$/Sqft:  $259/sqft
Type:  Single Family House
Year Built:  1947
Lot Size:  6,477
Days on Movoto:  26 days
Neighborhood:  Alum Rock
MLS#:  81236242
Status:  Pending – Do Not Show

This is a very large home at a reasonable price. Look no further for these one`s in a life time opportunity home. Close to all convenience for your benefit.

That does sound creepy.  Have a look at the carnival and Happy Halloween!

Here’s a fantastic find from Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer for your Super Tuesday pleasure.  Almost anything with a Mountain View address is going to sell in a New York minute, so imagine how Rocky Mountain High the overbidding will go with a brand new house!

The new UPDATE is at the bottom, with more pictures!

285 STIERLIN Rd
Mountain View, CA 94043
$1,500,000

BEDS: 5
BATHS: 4.5
SQ. FT.: 3,235
$/SQ. FT.: $464
LOT SIZE: 5,001 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Modern/High Tech, Contemporary
STORIES: 3
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 2012
COMMUNITY: North Shoreline
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81205009
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 25 days

Here’s why Petsmart Groomer sent this house in for some Burbed loving:

Definitely where people want to spend $1.5M: Walking distance to Social Services Agency.

That sounds really handy.  Pick up your disability check and your government cheese without needing to borrow a shopping cart from the Safeway.

And we can see from the 25 photos of the house that the inside is just loving its close-up.  Wonder why the outside was so shy?  Nary a shot of the house or the grounds.  Let’s see if Google Streetview can help.

Looks like the Googlecam is overdue for a neighborhood spin.  Fortunately, there’s a Virtual Tour available.  And I do suggest you check this one out, because it has dozens and dozens of pictures not found on the listing.  The Virtual Tour is not afraid to show us what the house looks like.  Click on through to see those pictures and so much more!

(more…)

$649,000

364 OLIVER St Milpitas, CA 95035

Beds:	3
Baths:	2
Sq. Ft.:	1,260
$/Sq. Ft.:	$515
Lot Size:	6,392 Sq. Ft.
Property Type:	Detached Single Family
Style:	Traditional
Stories:	1
View:	Neighborhood
Year Built:	1960
Community:	Milpitas
County:	Santa Clara
MLS#:	81118300
Source:	MLSListings
Status:	Active
On Redfin:	39 days

Now, you could be dismayed that this the first photo in this listing is of the backyard. Or that the photos are tiny. Or that there’s no detailed description extolling the virtues of this house.

But let’s face it – this is house is a mere $649k! What do you expect? A full service, high quality listing?

Look, if all you can afford is $649k, that means you’re probably making less than $100k. Should you really be living in the Bay Area if you make less than $100k? Probably not.

So yeah. Take it if you want it. Leave it if you don’t. We probably don’t want your kind here anyway.

Please welcome Burbed reader SEA back to the front page with a piece that got held up in comment moderation.  SEA agreed to let us move this to the the featured listing of the day instead, so you could all enjoy every bit of this, um, amazing, um, uh, well read on for today’s Guest Blogger’s view.

Please give SEA a big, warm Real Bay Area welcome and check out this amazing price cut incredible value in Baghdad by the Bay!

Here’s a prime example of a not of money lost, but I’m happy it’s not my money:

627 La Salle Ave #73, San Francisco, CA 94124
$75,000

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 1,360
$/SQ. FT.: $55
LOT SIZE: –
PROPERTY TYPE: Condominium
STYLE: Traditional
VIEW: Panoramic, Bay
YEAR BUILT: 1981
COMMUNITY: Bayview
COUNTY: San Francisco
MLS#: 377644
SOURCE: San Francisco MLS
STATUS: Pending
ON REDFIN: 203 days

Sold: July 2005 $400k
Listed: October 2010 $100k (75% lower than last sale–Christmas in October, maybe?)
Listing price reduced: January 2011 to $75k

It did go pending in October 2010, so who knows what’s up with the January price reduction, but who was it that paid $400k for this place, and when will it be worth $400k again, even if the local/national economy suddenly looked very good? I sure don’t see a neighborhood suddenly going from $100k sales to $400k sales (to get back to 2005 pricing), and then, for those who purchased in 2005, it would need to go significantly higher to realize a reasonable return on investment. Here it is some six years later, and let’s use the “double every 10 years” standard, that suggests that this place would need to sell for $800k in just four years. Yes, that’s right, from under $100k to ~$800k in four years. The freakin’ RBA cannot compete with that.

Alternatively, Let’s say the price does not go from $100k to $800k in four years, but rather the selling price doubles in four years. This means that similar homes in the area would be worth ~$200k, so those who purchased at $400k would be down 50% after 10 years. And I think I’m being a bit generous to suggest the prices will double in that area in just four years–first prices need to stop going down, and then double.

All this while people kvetch about an extra buck for a gallon of gas. You know the routine: So many complain that gas is ‘unaffordable,’ yet they dream about buying million dollar homes. Million dollar homes cannot be the problem–let’s go to war over a few bucks each week in gas expense.

And before you tell me how special this place is on the lower end, there is at least one other in that area: 132 Dolphin Ct.

Purchased June 2005 for $410k.
Sold February 2011 for $108k.

Is that close enough to say 75% off? When will the selling price get back over $400k?

I know:

Every home is sacred.
Every home is great.
If a home is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Every home is wanted.
Every home is good.
Every home is needed
in your neighborhood.

God loves those who treat
their homes with more care.