We’ll keep today’s Opening On the Outside, Only the Opposite.  Yes, it’s O day in the Blogging from A to Z Challenge, which means we Only do the letters in the Official Order.  On this day we Open Our ears, eyes and Other Orifices in the direction of Oakland. And we’ll keep this One sweet, as it’s selling shortly.

Or rather, it’s Opening On an Oversized Optimization for the Ordained Owner.

9437 PEACH St
Oakland, CA 94603
$69,500

3 Beds
1 Baths
1,080 Sq. Ft.
$64 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1985
Lot Size: —
On Redfin: 198 days
Type: Condominium
Stories: 1
Community: Oakland
MLS#": 40591208
Style: Ranch
View: Other
County: Alameda

Nice Three bedroom condo with a 1 car garage.

Didn’t they mean this One the Other way ‘round?  Looks like a nice One bedroom condo with a 3 car garage.  Only somebody Omitted the condo part.

If you Object that there’s no pictures of the condo at all (not even the Outside), we Offer the streetview and Orbital scape.  (As always, you have the Option click to Open a bigger One.)

Let’s continue with our post-Christmas clearance sales!  Today’s fabulous find is in the fantastic framework of Milpitas, or as its fun-loving denizens call it, “What’s that smell?”  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer for flipping this one forward.

1568 CLEAR LAKE Ave
Milpitas, CA 95035
$359,000

HOA Dues: $270/mo. 
2 Beds 
1.5 Baths 
1,008 Sq. Ft.
$356 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1971 
Lot Size: 810 Sq. Ft. 
On Redfin: 21 days
Status: Active
HOA Dues: $270/month
Stories: 1-3 (Low Rise)
County: Santa Clara
Property Type: Townhouse
Community: Milpitas
MLS#: 81242591

Property well maintained and is ready for its new owners.

Or as PG notes:

It’s ready for a new agent too.

Oh don’t be such a stickler, Petsmart.  Just because the front image took a little rotation ride doesn’t mean the agent isn’t a knowledgeable professional.  Let’s enjoy the rest of the photos.

Excellent.  Start with the exterior shots first and then lure your customers in.

Here the agent skillfully picks up the wooden texture of the bed frame in both the dining room set and the beautifully shining hardwood floor.

Contextual linking continues in subtle ways with the kitchen towels suggesting whimsy, supported by the colorful devil-may-care display on the coffee table.

Now it’s your turn.  Do you see the ingenious way the agent finds elements in common from the living room entry to the bathroom sink?  And nice job leaving out the throne entirely. You’d be surprised how many amateurs not only include it but have the seat raised high.

Ending the photo show with nature at her most bountiful, we also note this property has a location, location, location (!) in a popularly-populated planning potpourri!  You can find everything here!

Today’s fine featured facade is brought to you by Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer!  Thanks very much, and if you want to see your name up in lights on the front page like PG’s, send your richest realty wrecks to one of the emails on the rightside column.

396 BARTLETT Ave
Sunnyvale, CA 94086
$699,000

3 Beds 
2 Baths 
1,765 Sq. Ft.
$396 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1942 
Lot Size: 5,100 Sq. Ft. 
On Redfin: 70 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: Sunnyvale
MLS#: 81237245
Style: Traditional
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara

Absolutely a gorgeous home, completely rebuilt from the ground up in 2007. Oak kitchen cabinets granite counter tops. Hardwood floors in living room. Plus much more. Property will be open on Saturday, October 27 2012 from 12:00 to 4:00 p. m. Please show at that time.

Oak, granite, hardwood…. wait, wait, something’s missing.  Shoot, I bet the agent had the flip trifecta in the listing copy all along, and another joker figured he could just steel it and stain a reputation.

PG’s observation on this property:

Absolutely a gorgeous home… Yet there is only one picture.

Plus much more.

You want to know how much more?  You see that big corporate campus behind the back fence?  It just got sold to a real estate investment partnership.

Yes.  That means you could lease some of the space and then your commute to work would literally be seconds.  All you’d have to do is build a gate through your back fence.  You’d have a shorter commute than Mark Zuckerberg did back when he had a rental a block from the old Facebook HQ, and soon you’ll have a smaller number than he does (#36) on the Forbes 400!

How are you going to do that? Dunno, but Sunnyvale’s about to lose 1100 jobs.  Get cracking!

Bunus: Also just seconds away: expressway and high-voltage transmission lines! Is this house great or what? Plus much more.  Like the central location conveniently nestled between several Super Fun sites.

Property will be open on Saturday, October 27th 2012.

Today’s featured property was sent in by Burbed reader Swan! Thanks very much for this wonderful Woodside win.  (Oh yeah, PENDING!!!!!!)

133 MARVA OAKS Dr
Woodside, CA 94062
Listed at $1,895,000

2 Beds 
2 Baths 
1,400 Sq. Ft.
$1,354 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1961 
Lot Size: 3.73 Acres 
On Redfin: 112 days
Status: Pending Without Release
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: Central Woodside
MLS#: 81231887
Style: Contemporary
View: Canyon
County: San Mateo

Driveway is a slight downslope, house is on the flat, then another downslope on a road to a lower, larger flat pretty area. From there property does go down to Raymundo, but too much brush to walk.

We sure like this description of the property.  Here’s what Swan had to say about it.

Let’s start with the realtard listing 3.73 acres in Woodside for $2250.  Why I didn’t jump on the deal then, I’ll never know!  Suddenly, the price went up to $2,250,000 only to be reduced to $1,895,000.  Of course, the listing is pending! 

Anyway, how about the realtard’s description of the property.  Huh?  Say that again?  The Redfin agent seems to sum it up nicely:  fixer.  Oh, and be sure to check the satellite view in Google.  There’s a an RV (or something) with a lovely blue tarp over the top.And, on the back part of the property, a broken down vehicle along with that burned down barn.  I’m sure the surrounding mansions love living next door to the hillbillies!

Wait, what’s this about 3.73 acres for $2250?

Yowza.  And the Redfin agent?

She did not actually say “fixer.”  Just “open your wallet.”

Yes, this is an actual ad, even though it ran in The Onion.  This is definitely one of the more interesting approaches to pounding the pavement for new clients (he’s certainly pounding something), and we first found it at The Fiscal Times, in a slideshow featuring more listing fail.  Guess we managed to miss it when it hit the big time on Boing-Boing.

This is in a completely different class of self-promotion than, say, writing cute little jingles about yourself.  Then again, as long as the jingles aren’t NSFW, the jinglemeister won’t have Wanket’s results:

Calls and emails to Mr. Wanket were not returned and an Edina Realty spokesperson said the ad didn’t adhere to their guidelines and he’s no longer with the company.

In case you’re wondering just exactly why this ad does not adhere to Edina Realty’s guidelines, we have their answer:

“Well, first of all, it didn’t have the required Fair Housing notification on it,” [Vice President of Marketing Lynn] Clare said.

Let us know about how other real estate agents grab your attention, either in a good way, or if they unintentionally end up beating you off.  P.S. Wanket is no longer in the real estate industry.  Can’t imagine why.

It’s been far too long since we’ve checked in with Burbed reader Tom Paine.  Tom’s found us a new manse in Northern Marin!  Thanks!

188 Caribe Isle
Novato, CA 94949
$450,000

SHORT SALE
1 Story Detached
0 bedroom
– bathrooms
Finished Sq Ft: 1,824 sq ft
Lot Size: 0.22 acres
Year Built: 1964
48 years old
Type: 1 Story Detached
Style: Contemporary
Taxes: —
Subdivision: Novato
Stories: 1
1 PhotoPlay Video
Listed For Sale: 9/13/12
6 Days
$450,000
MLS #21221815

Here’s what Tom had to say when sending us this listing:

No bedrooms.  Nope, no bedrooms. Must be located between two starbucks.

Actually, we think it’s located in a foldspace anomoly, since there’s another house that’s not for sale at the same address, with a positive number of actual BRs and BAs.  We hope the higher dimensional attributes that allow these two homes to exist in superposition are included with the lot, or you’ll need to bring Erwin Schrödinger to help collapse the wave-form at your closing.

188 Caribe Isle
Novato, CA 94949
$882,000 Last Sold Price

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,824 Sq. Ft.
$484 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1964
Lot Size: 9,600
Sq. Ft.
Sold On: Jul 23, 2007
Status: Sold
Source: Public Records

No Property Details Available

Sorry, but Redfin currently has no details for this property.

No Agent Insights on This Home

We haven’t left any notes about this home yet, but as soon as we do, we’ll leave our thoughts here.

Sheesh.  Maybe Sawbuck can’t prove there are any bedrooms or bathrooms in this house, but they auto-generate these really thorough videos!  We’re disappointed that the narrator, using the Sawbuck info above, didn’t mention “no bedrooms.”  Or to be more exact, zero.

Sometimes, we receive a submission that tells us to drop everything else in the reader queue and post it at once.  Today’s real estate ruh-roh is from Burbed reader TB.  Once you see the pictures, you’ll see why those initials are so apt.

732 Fallon Ave
San Mateo, CA 94401
$299,000

Beds: 3 bed 
Baths: 1 bath
House Size: Not Available 
Lot Size: 0.11 Acres
Price/sqft: Not Available
Property Type: Single Family Home
Year Built: 1950
Neighborhood: Not Available 
Style: Fixer-Handyman Special
Stories: 1 
Garage: 1
Status: Active
County: San Mateo
Area: San Mateo County Approximately 1000 acre(s)
1 total full bath
5 total rooms
1 stories
Type: Detached
1 car garage
Attached parking
Lot size is 20 or more acres
Utilities present: Sewer System Public, Water Public

We don’t often link to Realtor.com, and the missing info coupled with the conflicting info may be why.  They don’t know how big this house is.  The lot is 0.11 acres.  The lot is approximately a thousand acres.  The lot is at least 20 acres.  Close enough!

Let’s see if Redfin is any help.

732 Fallon Ave
San Mateo, CA 94401
$299,000; reduced from $425,000 on 8/31/12

3 Beds 
1 Baths 
— Sq. Ft.
Built: 1950 
Lot Size: 5,000 Sq. Ft. 
On Redfin: 9 days
Type: Detached
Stories: 1
Community: San Mateo
MLS#: 40586991
Style: Fixer/Handyman Special
View: Other
County: San Mateo

NOT for the faint of heart. Major fixer, needs everything including foundation work. All offers will be considered.

Moving over to Redfin has provided way more information than the Official Site of the National Association of REALTARDS®.  We now know how old the listing is, we have the previous price, we have a lot size in a more useful measurement, we now know this is a short sale and that the listing is out-of-area, we have a Double Dog Dare Description of this property, and we have one of the first listings on Burbed ever to have a View of Other.  What could Other be when the default of “Neighborhood” really means “No view from this house.”  This suggests this home has something worse than no view.

No wonder all offers will be considered!  TB observes:

the photos probably don’t do the place justice.

They certainly don’t!  Have a look at them after the break!

(more…)

Good morning, and welcome back to another exciting Real Estate Week of Win here on Burbed!  Let’s get right to today’s spotlighted spectacular in the palatial premises of Palo Alto!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer for the drive-by!

3980 El Cmaino Real #13
Palo Alto, CA 94306
$20,000

Property Type: Mobile Home (Single Wide)
County: Santa Clara
Community: Barron Park
MLS#: 81230106

Palo Alto Schools for a rental cost of $675/month! By renting in this park, children eligible to attend Palo Alto Schools. Family of 4 with children attending Palo Alto Schools moving so now you can enjoy a million dollar education without the million dollar home purchase price! Laundry facilities in park. Good family park with good neighbors all getting along. Walk to Elementary school.

Wait, you can still buy a home in Palo Alto for a million?  Who knew?  Let us know if you have any success finding one.

And if you can’t, there’s always today’s featured home!  This property shows the benefits of jaw-dropping listing copy coupled with a misspelled street address, photos with plenty of clutter,  the mandatory crapper-cam with the lid fully raised  and proudly proclaiming its crappertude, and most important of all, good neighbors all getting along.  All this at an unbelievably affordable buy-in price and a monthly space rent that will no doubt be ratcheted up the split second you finish signing over that escrow.

But this is a good family park.  It says so, right in the listing.  And it must be, because we’ve featured this park on Burbed before.

Want to see how good this neighborhood is?  Well then, why not meet a couple of your new neighbors?  We’re sure they can’t wait to make the acquaintance of you, and especially the rest of your family. 

And we’re done with another exciting week of properties, finishing off in the “Capital of Silicon Valley”!  Today’s featured home was sent in by Burbed reader Tracy Tea House.  Sit back and relax as we bring you yet another San Jose Special, after we let Zillow and Redfin duke it out over what neighborhood it’s in.  Is it in West San Jose?  Is it in the Campbell area?  You decide!

456 Ardis Ave
San Jose, CA 95117
Sold for $1,285,000 on 7/27/2012
Sold for $437,000 on 2/3/2012

Beds: 4
Baths: 4.5
Sqft: 3,700
Lot: 9,300 sq ft / 0.21 acres
Type: Single Family
Year built: 2012
Last sold: Jul 2012 for $1,285,000

Public Facts:
Beds: 3
Baths: 1
Sqft: 1,032
Lot: 9.300 sq ft / 0.21 acres
Type: Single Family
Year built: 1951

BRAND NEW CONSTRUCTION, this “Estate Quality” home features a wonderful open floorplan and so many designer features that include a “Chef’s Kitchen w/all stainless appl incl. refrigerator, wine chiller, wet bar, walk-in pantry and more! Fully landscaped! 10′-11′ coffered ceilings, crown/baseboards, 1,200+/- sft attic w/engineered flooring and so much more! A must see! Open Sa/Su 1-4!

Here’s why Tracy sent us this house:

Look quick cause this one shows the pictures from pre-flip. They bought the house in Feb. I think tore it down, built a new house  in six months and are trying to sell it for double the purchase.

Guess we didn’t have to look that quick, because Tracy sent this in 3 weeks ago, the day after it was listed.  The house went pending 2 days later.  It must have been a cash deal, because the sale was recorded just one week after that.

Now we could be party-poopers and show you the fancy pictures on Redfin, or we could be Burbed and revel in the cognitive dissonance between the listing copy above and these lovely photos still available on Zillow from the February listing.  We are talking “Estate Quality” in every room.

Also fortunately for us, Redfin saved the pre-flip listing so we can share that description with you too!

New listing! Large 9,300 +/- SF lot. Perfect starter home or for investment! Attached 1-car garage with washer/dryer hookups. Close to Santana Row, Westfield Shopping Center, and entertainment. Close to highways 280 and 880.

Yeah.  Definitely close to 280.

Bunus: Even closer to Winchester Ranch Mobile Home Park.

It’s been too long since we’ve checked in with Burbed reader Tracy Tea House and her amazing collection of what-the-heck-is-THATs from the East Side. 

Today she’s back with another San Jose special for all you would-be Silicon Valley millionaires, but this one’s on the other side of the Valley.  Tracy likes Trulia for all her househunting needs, so let’s check in with them.

1454 Bing Drive Bing Drive
San Jose CA 95129
$998,000

Bedrooms: 4 24 days on Trulia
Bathrooms: 2 
Property type: Single-Family Home
Size: 1,650 sqft
Lot: 6,098 sqft
Price/sqft: $605/sqft
Year built: 1965
MLS/ID: 81224226
Zip: 95129
Listing agent: Michelle Carr-Crowe, ABR,ACRE,ALHS,ASP,CDPE,RECS,SRES, Top 5% US RE Agents
Broker: Just Call (408) 252-8900 Michelle Carr Crowe at Keller Williams Cupertino 

HURRY! Special Fourth of July HOT BUY! 1454 BING Dr., San Jose 95129, Open Sat. & Sun., 1:30-4:30 You and the people you care about are invited to see our HOT BUY! Effortless Elegance & Entertaining can Easily be Yours in this Lovely & Upgraded Lynbrook High Home. Featuring a Formal Foyer, Separate LR & FR & Skylight-Illuminated Dining, a Custom Tile & Oak Kitchen, 4 Light & Airy Bedrooms, and 2 Jaw-Droppingly Gorgeous Remodeled Baths, it all add up to Fabulous! Quality Upgrades include Dual Pane Windows, Copper Plumbing to the Main and Cement Tile Roof. COOL Central Air Conditioning, Wet

Put your best foot forward, invite the reader into your book with a great cover photo, you’ve got one chance to make a great first impression so always lead your listing with a terrific all-over picture of the house.  A photo of the house.  Not a photo of the flyer for the house.  Wow, this is worse than confusing Call by Name with Call by Value.  And in this listing the facade shot at left doesn’t appear until the fourth photo, but don’t worry, the agent put in another one right next to it in case you skip past.

See that green thing above the flyer and left of the price?  This property is “Active Contingent,” which means an offer was accepted but you just never know which contingency could derail the whole deal. That’s good news for you, because that means you can submit your own backup overbid!

For old times’ sake, head over to Redfin, where’ you’ll find:

• Different first photo, plus photos of school signs (this one is second)
• All home photos repeated
• But the street name isn’t
• Lot is 124 square feet smaller
• San Jose address in the “Cupertino” community (while being 1.1 miles from Cupertino)
• Pending Without Release (can’t figure out if that’s the same as Active Contingent since Redfin doesn’t define Without vs With Release)
• A Virtual Tour link!
• And different listing copy:

Effortless Elegance & Entertaining Can Be Yours! Fabulous Floor Plan Features Sep. LR & FR! Custom Tile & Oak Kit. Boasts Garden Window, Roll-Outs, Custom Details! Skylights! E-Z Care Laminate, Hardwood, Quality Carpet! E-Z Walk to Rainbow Park! E-Z Walk to Nat. -Recgnizd Cupertino Scls! Miller-API 981 & Lynbrook-API 943! Cool Central A/C + Private Hot Tub for Summer Family Fun!

It’s not enough to name the schools, now they also include the API scores. But the listing copy on Trulia is more deserving of the Burbed Seal of Approval.