August 13, 2013

Custom kitchen backslash, must see!

Mountain View is the city that keeps on giving… Burbed win.  Today we’ve got an awesome townhouse that not only has some amazingly creative listing copy, it also transcends space and time. Perhaps this is an early test of Google Residence.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Michael Boltonestater for this awesome attached area!

130812-middlefield-redfin2615 W Middlefield Rd
Mountain View, CA 94043
$850,888

HOA Dues: $255/mo.
2 Beds
2.5 Baths
855,888 Sq. Ft.
$1 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 2013
Lot Size: 1,234 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 4 days
Status: Active

HOA Dues: $255/month
Style: Traditional
View: Mountains
County: Santa Clara
Property Type: Attached Single Family
Stories: 3
Community: Thompson
MLS#: 81329022

130812-middlefield-livingStunning 2 bedroom 2.5 bath new Townhome. A corner unit home with views of the mountains and surrounding tree lines . This home was used as a Model Home from June 15th to todays date . Upgraded carpets, finished two car garage with a custom kitchen backslash, make this home a must see ! Los Altos High School. ( lot #11) on Builders site map.

Upcoming Open Houses

Saturday, Aug 24: Open House – 1:00-4:00 pm
Sunday, Aug 25: Open House – 1:00-4:00 pm
Saturday, Sep 7: Open House – 1:00-4:00 pm

130812-middlefield-stairsThis delightful abode, new construction yet, has been listed for an entire four days (five by the time you read this), and nobody’s plopped down a suitcase full of cash? How can this be when it’s only a dollar a square foot? More importantly, how can they fit 855,888 square feet onto that tiny lot? We’re not sure of the latest rulings out of the Mountain View Planning Department, but we suspect a Floor Area Ration (FAR) of 693.6 might be an eensie bit over the limit for this neighborhood.

The listing copy doesn’t admit it, but the last photo does; this townhouse is part of Classics at Fairview Park. And we’ve found the place on their site map.

130812-middlefield-fairview

We were hoping it would be Unit 1, because that block of buildings spells ASSSSSS. Unfortunately, #1’s a 3 BR/3.5 BA, so this townhouse is instead Unit 11, in SMMMA block. This is a terrific location, because nobody will be able to enter or exit this complex without driving right by your home.  Be sure to remind each and every one of them that this place was used as a Model Home from June 15th to todays date .

You’ll get all the benefits of end unit (traffic noise on two sides!), plus you’ll still have two different neighbors through your walls! Win-Win!

Comments (6) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 7:07 am






July 9, 2013

Updated: Bay Area Real Estate Bubble 4.0: Not Over. Nuh Uh Uh.

130708-28th-priceisrightThis weekend we featured a Murky News article claiming that frenzied overbidding on Real Bay Area homes was done. It wasn’t the only such piece claiming that RBA overbids out of suitcases full of cash were coming to a halt.  To which we say: Sure it is. Redfin is tracking the bidding wars, and they say it’s cooling off… outside the RBA.  Specifically, there are fewer multiple bid situations outside California, and in the Golden State, things have eased up a bit in the Southland.  But don’t worry.  It’s Still Special Here.

Let’s find out just how special with this home sent in by Burbed reader mtv-renter.

130708-28th-redfin440 28th St
San Francisco, CA 94131
Sold for $1,756,000

2 Beds
2 Baths
1,057 Sq. Ft.
$1,661 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1910
Lot Size: —
Sold On: Jul 2, 2013
Status: Sold
Property Type: Attached, Full, Single-Family Home
View: Panoramic, Bay, Hills
County: San Francisco
Style: Victorian
Community: Noe Valley
MLS#: 408763

Much sought after charming single family home with spectacular southern views. Very bright and light. Main level features lovely dining area, spacious living room, office area, stunning remodeled granite kitchen and marble bathroom. Opening to a secluded charming backyard, perfect for entertaining. Second level features two bedrooms with original built-in dresser drawers. Fabulous, new bath with marble walk-in shower. One of the bedrooms overlooks the enchanting garden and the other captures the southern view. There is a lower level just waiting to be finished with great expansion potential!

130708-28th-bedroomTake it away, mtv-renter!

Oh holy hell, the good times are back!

I visited this place myself, but given the line out the door for the open house, didn’t even consider placing a bid. Good thing!

Asking price: $989k, sold for $1,756,000, that rounds up to 78%. This is an astounding $1,661/sqft.

It gets better,

last sold for $749,000 on Sept 24, 2010. That’s $1,007,000 in appreciation over 1012 days, or $995/day.

130708-28th-yellowEveryone should buy in San Francisco. Riches await!

But wait, there’s more!

It gets better, check out the buyer’s agent’s name:

Trim Wellbeloved, 
Pacific Union International
DRE #01209860

You know, we prefer to point ‘n laff at realtard behavior rather than their names, but in this case… well, there it is.  Meanwhile Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer notes that this house has come to the attention of SF Curbed.  Where, asks PG, is the million dollar upgrade?  After all, in 2010 it took 3 price cuts to finally change hands at… $749K despite appearing on television!

130708-28th-redfin2010440 28th St
San Francisco, CA 94131
Sold for $748,000

2 Beds
1 Baths
— Sq. Ft.
Built: 1910
Lot Size: —
Sold On: Sep 27, 2010
Status: Sold
Property Type: Attached, Full, Single-Family Home
View: Panoramic, Hills
County: San Francisco
Style: Victorian
Community: Noe Valley
MLS#: 370108

Big reduction. Please come see this Victorian Noe Valley Home as featured on the TV Show Sell This House. It has amzing Southern Hills Views. Two bedrooms and One Bath. Period detailing throughout the house. Near shops and restaurants.

Why that million dollars is clearly in the kitchen. The stainless steel fridge must be worth $400,000 all by itself.

130708-28th-kitchen-2010130708-28th-kitchen

130708-28th-redfin-restatedBunus: extra bathroom! That’s got to be the other $600,000!

Update 7/10/13: Seems the realtard made a little mistake with that sale price. It’s actually only $1,150,000. However, realtards typing in completely WTF numbers into listings is simply a different kind of Burbed win. So it’s all good, as long as you aren’t the realtard.

See the comments for more details. You should be reading comments on all our articles, anyway. You should be posting in comments, too. Don’t agree? Explain why! In our comments!

Comments (26) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 7:03 am

May 31, 2013

Two Two Too Good To Be True Home in Santa Clara

It’s been far too long since we’ve heard from Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer.  Today’s superlative siting is situated in supreme Santa Clara! Let’s hear it for those low-cost utilities, yayyyyyy! Notice we’re using Zillow today? There’s a good reason: Redfin’s already yanked the listing because… yup, PENDING!

130530-claremont-zillow22 Claremont Ave
Santa Clara, CA 95051
$1,089,000

Zestimate®:$954,704
Est. Mortgage: $4,040/month

Bedrooms: 3 beds
Bathrooms: 2 baths
Single Family: 1,833 sq ft
Lot: 8,712 sq ft
Year Built: 1956
Heating Type: Contact for details
Days on Zillow: 14
Addition Size: 432
Construction Quality: 6.0
Garage Size: 437
Last Remodel Year: 1956
Lot Depth: 110
Lot Width: 80
MLS #: 81316927
Parcel #: 29617012
Room Count: 7
130530-claremont-playhouse# Stories: 1.0
Structure Type: Contemporary
Unit Count: 1
Zillow Home ID: 19602034

Too good to be true home. Tremendous amounts of living space, huge backyard on prime culdesac with CUPERTINO schools. Inspections show this house is in great shape. Heat/AC, hardwood floors, CAT 5 wiring,special sound resistant windows and walls,black out shades, Audio.Visual tech dream home, granite counters,surround sound, etc. This home will not last long. Office area is built in & stays.

130530-claremont-tvWait, what’s this about sound resistant windows and walls and black out shades? This makes it a too good to be true home?

Those shades aren’t even black! We think the agent is pulling a fast one here. Same thing with the “Audio.Visual tech dream home” when all that’s visible is a giant-ass flatscreen. For all we know those cabinets are full of useless things like cinnamon and pastry bags.

130530-claremont-locationWe did determine why they mentioned the special sound resistant windows and walls, though.  Location, location, location! Hoe Lee Crap, this house is on a six lane major thoroughfare next to an eight lane major expressway and an eight lane freeway.

This is a rare location fail trifecta: Busy street, expressway and freeway. Plus it backs up to a commercial zone.

Now what would you pay? Not only is Santa Clara hosting million dollar houses, but million dollar houses in challenging locations! Can you imagine what you’re going to have to pay for a house near nothing but other houses?

If you think we’re exaggerating about the commercial zone, check out what you see when you hit Redfin right now.

130531-claremont-redfin-nfs

Go on over there, click on the map to make it full size, and note where you find yourself. This home will not last long, indeed.

Comments (7) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:04 am

April 17, 2013

Oh-Oh Or Oops in Oakland

BlogAtoZ-OWe’ll keep today’s Opening On the Outside, Only the Opposite.  Yes, it’s O day in the Blogging from A to Z Challenge, which means we Only do the letters in the Official Order.  On this day we Open Our ears, eyes and Other Orifices in the direction of Oakland. And we’ll keep this One sweet, as it’s selling shortly.

Or rather, it’s Opening On an Oversized Optimization for the Ordained Owner.

130416-peach-redfin9437 PEACH St
Oakland, CA 94603
$69,500

3 Beds
1 Baths
1,080 Sq. Ft.
$64 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1985
Lot Size: —
On Redfin: 198 days
Type: Condominium
Stories: 1
Community: Oakland
MLS#": 40591208
Style: Ranch
View: Other
County: Alameda

Nice Three bedroom condo with a 1 car garage.

Didn’t they mean this One the Other way ‘round?  Looks like a nice One bedroom condo with a 3 car garage.  Only somebody Omitted the condo part.

If you Object that there’s no pictures of the condo at all (not even the Outside), we Offer the streetview and Orbital scape.  (As always, you have the Option click to Open a bigger One.)

130416-peach-streetview130416-peach-aerial

Comments (7) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:05 am

December 27, 2012

Milpitas property well maintained and is ready for its new owners

Let’s continue with our post-Christmas clearance sales!  Today’s fabulous find is in the fantastic framework of Milpitas, or as its fun-loving denizens call it, “What’s that smell?”  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer for flipping this one forward.

121226-clear-redfin1568 CLEAR LAKE Ave
Milpitas, CA 95035
$359,000

HOA Dues: $270/mo. 
2 Beds 
1.5 Baths 
1,008 Sq. Ft.
$356 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1971 
Lot Size: 810 Sq. Ft. 
On Redfin: 21 days
Status: Active
HOA Dues: $270/month
Stories: 1-3 (Low Rise)
County: Santa Clara
Property Type: Townhouse
Community: Milpitas
MLS#: 81242591

Property well maintained and is ready for its new owners.

Or as PG notes:

It’s ready for a new agent too.

Oh don’t be such a stickler, Petsmart.  Just because the front image took a little rotation ride doesn’t mean the agent isn’t a knowledgeable professional.  Let’s enjoy the rest of the photos.

121226-clear-patio121226-clear-plants

Excellent.  Start with the exterior shots first and then lure your customers in.

121226-clear-bedroom121226-clear-dining

Here the agent skillfully picks up the wooden texture of the bed frame in both the dining room set and the beautifully shining hardwood floor.

121226-clear-kitchen121226-clear-living

Contextual linking continues in subtle ways with the kitchen towels suggesting whimsy, supported by the colorful devil-may-care display on the coffee table.

121226-clear-entry121226-clear-sink

Now it’s your turn.  Do you see the ingenious way the agent finds elements in common from the living room entry to the bathroom sink?  And nice job leaving out the throne entirely. You’d be surprised how many amateurs not only include it but have the seat raised high.

121226-clear-plants-plants-plants121226-clear-satellite

Ending the photo show with nature at her most bountiful, we also note this property has a location, location, location (!) in a popularly-populated planning potpourri!  You can find everything here!

Comments (7) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:05 am

December 19, 2012

Absolutely a Gorgeous Home in Sunnyvale

Today’s fine featured facade is brought to you by Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer!  Thanks very much, and if you want to see your name up in lights on the front page like PG’s, send your richest realty wrecks to one of the emails on the rightside column.

121218-bartlett-redfin396 BARTLETT Ave
Sunnyvale, CA 94086
$699,000

3 Beds 
2 Baths 
1,765 Sq. Ft.
$396 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1942 
Lot Size: 5,100 Sq. Ft. 
On Redfin: 70 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: Sunnyvale
MLS#: 81237245
Style: Traditional
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara

Absolutely a gorgeous home, completely rebuilt from the ground up in 2007. Oak kitchen cabinets granite counter tops. Hardwood floors in living room. Plus much more. Property will be open on Saturday, October 27 2012 from 12:00 to 4:00 p. m. Please show at that time.

121218-bartlett-satelliteOak, granite, hardwood…. wait, wait, something’s missing.  Shoot, I bet the agent had the flip trifecta in the listing copy all along, and another joker figured he could just steel it and stain a reputation.

PG’s observation on this property:

Absolutely a gorgeous home… Yet there is only one picture.

Plus much more.

You want to know how much more?  You see that big corporate campus behind the back fence?  It just got sold to a real estate investment partnership.

121218-bartlett-wiresYes.  That means you could lease some of the space and then your commute to work would literally be seconds.  All you’d have to do is build a gate through your back fence.  You’d have a shorter commute than Mark Zuckerberg did back when he had a rental a block from the old Facebook HQ, and soon you’ll have a smaller number than he does (#36) on the Forbes 400!

How are you going to do that? Dunno, but Sunnyvale’s about to lose 1100 jobs.  Get cracking!

Bunus: Also just seconds away: expressway and high-voltage transmission lines! Is this house great or what? Plus much more.  Like the central location conveniently nestled between several Super Fun sites.

121218-bartlett-cleanups

Property will be open on Saturday, October 27th 2012.

Comments (1) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:09 am

December 17, 2012

Too much brush to walk in Woodside

Today’s featured property was sent in by Burbed reader Swan! Thanks very much for this wonderful Woodside win.  (Oh yeah, PENDING!!!!!!)

121216-marva-redfin133 MARVA OAKS Dr
Woodside, CA 94062
Listed at $1,895,000

2 Beds 
2 Baths 
1,400 Sq. Ft.
$1,354 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1961 
Lot Size: 3.73 Acres 
On Redfin: 112 days
Status: Pending Without Release
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: Central Woodside
MLS#: 81231887
Style: Contemporary
View: Canyon
County: San Mateo

Driveway is a slight downslope, house is on the flat, then another downslope on a road to a lower, larger flat pretty area. From there property does go down to Raymundo, but too much brush to walk.

121216-marva-satelliteWe sure like this description of the property.  Here’s what Swan had to say about it.

Let’s start with the realtard listing 3.73 acres in Woodside for $2250.  Why I didn’t jump on the deal then, I’ll never know!  Suddenly, the price went up to $2,250,000 only to be reduced to $1,895,000.  Of course, the listing is pending! 

Anyway, how about the realtard’s description of the property.  Huh?  Say that again?  The Redfin agent seems to sum it up nicely:  fixer.  Oh, and be sure to check the satellite view in Google.  There’s a an RV (or something) with a lovely blue tarp over the top.And, on the back part of the property, a broken down vehicle along with that burned down barn.  I’m sure the surrounding mansions love living next door to the hillbillies!

Wait, what’s this about 3.73 acres for $2250?

121216-marva-prophist

Yowza.  And the Redfin agent?

121216-marva-insight

She did not actually say “fixer.”  Just “open your wallet.”

Comments (1) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:08 am

November 4, 2012

Worst Realtard Ad Ever?

Yes, this is an actual ad, even though it ran in The Onion.  This is definitely one of the more interesting approaches to pounding the pavement for new clients (he’s certainly pounding something), and we first found it at The Fiscal Times, in a slideshow featuring more listing fail.  Guess we managed to miss it when it hit the big time on Boing-Boing.

121103-wanket

This is in a completely different class of self-promotion than, say, writing cute little jingles about yourself.  Then again, as long as the jingles aren’t NSFW, the jinglemeister won’t have Wanket’s results:

Calls and emails to Mr. Wanket were not returned and an Edina Realty spokesperson said the ad didn’t adhere to their guidelines and he’s no longer with the company.

In case you’re wondering just exactly why this ad does not adhere to Edina Realty’s guidelines, we have their answer:

“Well, first of all, it didn’t have the required Fair Housing notification on it,” [Vice President of Marketing Lynn] Clare said.

Let us know about how other real estate agents grab your attention, either in a good way, or if they unintentionally end up beating you off.  P.S. Wanket is no longer in the real estate industry.  Can’t imagine why.

Comments (3) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:09 am

September 19, 2012

House with No Bedrooms in Novato Selling Shortly

It’s been far too long since we’ve checked in with Burbed reader Tom Paine.  Tom’s found us a new manse in Northern Marin!  Thanks!

120918-caribe-sawbuck188 Caribe Isle
Novato, CA 94949
$450,000

SHORT SALE
1 Story Detached
0 bedroom
— bathrooms
Finished Sq Ft: 1,824 sq ft
Lot Size: 0.22 acres
Year Built: 1964
48 years old
Type: 1 Story Detached
Style: Contemporary
Taxes: —
Subdivision: Novato
Stories: 1
1 PhotoPlay Video
Listed For Sale: 9/13/12
6 Days
$450,000
MLS #21221815

Here’s what Tom had to say when sending us this listing:

No bedrooms.  Nope, no bedrooms. Must be located between two starbucks.

Actually, we think it’s located in a foldspace anomoly, since there’s another house that’s not for sale at the same address, with a positive number of actual BRs and BAs.  We hope the higher dimensional attributes that allow these two homes to exist in superposition are included with the lot, or you’ll need to bring Erwin Schrödinger to help collapse the wave-form at your closing.

120918-caribe-redfin

188 Caribe Isle
Novato, CA 94949
$882,000 Last Sold Price

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,824 Sq. Ft.
$484 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1964
Lot Size: 9,600
Sq. Ft.
Sold On: Jul 23, 2007
Status: Sold
Source: Public Records

No Property Details Available

Sorry, but Redfin currently has no details for this property.

No Agent Insights on This Home

We haven’t left any notes about this home yet, but as soon as we do, we’ll leave our thoughts here.

Sheesh.  Maybe Sawbuck can’t prove there are any bedrooms or bathrooms in this house, but they auto-generate these really thorough videos!  We’re disappointed that the narrator, using the Sawbuck info above, didn’t mention “no bedrooms.”  Or to be more exact, zero.

Comments (7) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:13 am

September 5, 2012

NOT for the faint of heart in San Mateo

Sometimes, we receive a submission that tells us to drop everything else in the reader queue and post it at once.  Today’s real estate ruh-roh is from Burbed reader TB.  Once you see the pictures, you’ll see why those initials are so apt.

120904-fallon-realtor732 Fallon Ave
San Mateo, CA 94401
$299,000

Beds: 3 bed 
Baths: 1 bath
House Size: Not Available 
Lot Size: 0.11 Acres
Price/sqft: Not Available
Property Type: Single Family Home
Year Built: 1950
Neighborhood: Not Available 
Style: Fixer-Handyman Special
Stories: 1 
Garage: 1
Status: Active
County: San Mateo
Area: San Mateo County Approximately 1000 acre(s)
120904-fallon-garage1 total full bath
5 total rooms
1 stories
Type: Detached
1 car garage
Attached parking
Lot size is 20 or more acres
Utilities present: Sewer System Public, Water Public

We don’t often link to Realtor.com, and the missing info coupled with the conflicting info may be why.  They don’t know how big this house is.  The lot is 0.11 acres.  The lot is approximately a thousand acres.  The lot is at least 20 acres.  Close enough!

Let’s see if Redfin is any help.

120904-fallon-redfin

732 Fallon Ave
San Mateo, CA 94401
$299,000; reduced from $425,000 on 8/31/12

3 Beds 
1 Baths 
— Sq. Ft.
Built: 1950 
Lot Size: 5,000 Sq. Ft. 
On Redfin: 9 days
Type: Detached
Stories: 1
Community: San Mateo
MLS#: 40586991
Style: Fixer/Handyman Special
View: Other
County: San Mateo

NOT for the faint of heart. Major fixer, needs everything including foundation work. All offers will be considered.

Moving over to Redfin has provided way more information than the Official Site of the National Association of REALTARDS®.  We now know how old the listing is, we have the previous price, we have a lot size in a more useful measurement, we now know this is a short sale and that the listing is out-of-area, we have a Double Dog Dare Description of this property, and we have one of the first listings on Burbed ever to have a View of Other.  What could Other be when the default of “Neighborhood” really means “No view from this house.”  This suggests this home has something worse than no view.

No wonder all offers will be considered!  TB observes:

the photos probably don’t do the place justice.

They certainly don’t!  Have a look at them after the break!

(more…)

Comments (14) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:04 am