Let’s finish out the week with a double dose of Mountain View Bubble 4.0: this house is a floor wax and a dessert topping. Today’s featured property was brought to you courtesy of Burbed reader bublidoo.  Thanks very much for a listing so aerated that we had to go to four different sites until we found a photo of the actual house as it exists today.  Yep, pending in a week!

460 N Whisman Rd
Mountain View, CA 94043
$1,149,000

Loan Payment: $4,000/mo
Bedrooms: 4
Bathrooms: 3&1/2
Size: 1,999 sqft
$/Sqft: $574/sqft
Type: Single Family House
Year Built: 2013
Lot Size: 4,960
Days on Movoto: 9 days
Neighborhood: Whisman
MLS#: 81305578
Status: Pending – Do Not Show

Stunning newly constructed custom 4/3.5 Craftsman located on a great lot close to downtown MV, Google and easy commute routes! This gorgeous open floor plan inc. 2 master suites, one 1st floor, 3.5 designer baths, gourmet chef?s kitchen with granite counter tops & stainless steel appliances, large island w/counter seating & sliding doors to patio. Perfect for entertaining! Close to top MV schools!

So why is this house nominated for a big ol’ Burbed hug? Let’s check in with our reader whose very name implies Bubble 4.0.

wanted to point out this stunning, newly constructed custom craftsman to you. If it was near good schools or downtown Mountain View (the description claims both … but not sure about "near"), perhaps the price could be justified. But what we’re looking at here …

is an asking price well over a million bucks for a single family house (yes, stunning, I forgot, sorry …) on a small lot within the vapor intrusion study area. And the listing comes on the heels of super fun coverage by burbed, the local TV channel, and the Mountain View Voice. One has to wonder why the agent didn’t include "Buyer to attend meetings on toxic vapors. Walk to Google Offices!"

Perhaps there’s been too much super fun coverage already? In that case, no pressure … and hope you had a chuckle.

Cheers!

Oh no, bublidoo, you can never, ever, ever have too much Super Fun.  Want some more?  Let’s look at this house over on Redfin, where’ they’ve pulled down the listing and are featuring the before photo (singular) and listing copy. 

Did we mention how much we love Pending/Do Not Show?  It’s like an extra set of presents we completely missed behind the Christmas tree!  And speaking of extra presents, look what we found on Zillow.  This is like finding out we’re celebrating Chanukah too, as an added extended family holiday, with bunus presents!

Wow, who knew that side of the family was so artsy?  (Or too klutzy to use a camera?)  Must be because of those good schools.

We’re happy to report the first Monta Loma sighting of the year. Thanks very much to Burbed reader LomaLuvr for alerting us to this awesome opportunity!  And once more we’re using Movoto, because they understand the difference between Pending – Do Not Show The House To Lookie-Loos Who Want To Tramp Through The Place and Pending – Do Not Show Photos.  *cough * Redfin *cough*

2348 Jane Ln
Mountain View, CA 94043
$719,000

Loan Payment: $2,543/mo
Bedrooms: 3
Bathrooms: 2
Size: 1,392 sqft
$/Sqft: $516/sqft
Type: Single Family House
Year Built: 1955
Lot Size: 5,400
Days on Movoto: 10 days
Neighborhood: Thompson
MLS#: 81303400
Status: Pending – Do Not Show

3BR/2BA 1392 sf Eichler-style home with 5400 sf lot in great Mountain View neighborhood. Additional office/possible 4th bedroom. Close to Shoreline and Google. Fixer-upper with possibilities!

As opposed to all those fixer-uppers with no possibilities, merely potential.

Possibilities, indeed!  Adding on a room to the side of a house when the lot is only 5400 square feet is an architectural challenge indeed! Plus that gives the bedroom plenty more fresh air, to make up for the lack of natural light in the back.

Also, we think we solved the mystery why the back of the house doesn’t get as much light as the front.  We think it’s the patio shade.  Don’t tell the agents, though.  We wouldn’t want to ruin it for them.

Here’s the other two pictures.

All that perfectly good sky cut out.  Speaking of cutting out, here’s some perfectly good listing copy cut out from both Zillow and Trulia:

As Is probate fixer. Contact Broker at (707) 693-0400 with any questions.

Nothing like a Broker who specializes in the neighborhood you want to buy into.  You may want to double-check if the property really is Close To Google after all.

It’s Friday!  Time to start planning your weekend adventure, and Burbed reader Tom Paine gives us a getaway pad in Guerneville!  Thanks very much for this hair-raising habitat!

11175 HWY 116 DR
GUERNEVILLE, CA 95446
$349,950 Price Change

2 Bed 
1 Bath 
1,480 SqFt 
Single Family Home
MLS# 21226926 
Active
Original Price:  $399,950
Price Change: 12.50%
Listing Type:  Residential
Style: Cabin
County: Sonoma
Bedrooms: 2
Total Baths: 1
Full Baths: 1
Garage: 2 spaces
Year Built: 1921
Listed: 12/04/12
Location
County: Sonoma
City: Guerneville
Cross Street: Mays Canyon Rd

Description
Custom cabin in the woods, 4.2 acres, two bedroom, one bath, big basement, year round spring, surrounded by fur and redwood trees, three fireplaces.

This property, alas, is no longer for sale and went Pending/Do Not Show a couple weeks ago.  But this was really because everyone had to see those fur trees and now they’re endangered. That also must explain why they dare not include a photo, and in that case our link is to a cached search result because we weren’t finding this fox anywhere.  They also don’t show the house because the walls must be mink-lined.

Fortunately, we found this actual listing photo under a rock or in someone’s raccoon trenchcoat or it fell off a truck or something.  Don’t ask how we get results, just enjoy them.  And imagine year round spring and the cuddliest trees ever. 

And for your Web 3.0 business out in the woods?  We’re thinking chinch ranch.  (It’s at 9:20)

It’s been several days since we last featured a property in Mountain View, and that means every one that’s been sent in has gone Pending!  Here’s one of them you can no longer buy because you weren’t phoning your agent every single minute.

2343 Craig Ct
Mountain View, CA 94043
Price:  $835,000

Loan Payment:  $2,798/mo
Bedrooms:  3
Bathrooms:  2
Size:  1,104 sqft
$/Sqft:  $756/sqft
Type:  Single Family House
Year Built:  1955
Lot Size:  8,000
Days on Movoto:  18 days
Neighborhood:  Thompson
MLS#:  81239158
Status:  Pending – Do Not Show
Go See This Home Make an Offer

 

* DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH!* ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES!* EICHLER STYLE HOME BOASTS HIGH CEILINGS & LARGE WINDOWS FOR PLENTY OF SUNSHINE!*TERRIFIC FLOORPLAN W/ SEPERATE DINING AREA*INSIDE LAUNDRY*LIVING ROOM W/ FIREPLACE* COVERED PATIO*LARGE BACKYARD PERFECT FOR SUMMER BBQ’S!*ACROSS FROM MONTA LOMA ELEMENTARY & MINUTES AWAY FROM GOOGLE, SHOPPING & FREEWAYS! WITH A LITTLE TLC THIS CAN BE THE PERFECT HOME!*

The only thing this house is missing is a million dollar price tag.  It’s got everything else: eye-catching facade, listing pix pulled off Redfin and most of the other major sites (thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for Movoto!), ALL CAPS in the listing copy, along with a misused apostrophe and ENDLESS exclamation points!!!!!!

Bunus: Date stamps on the photos, too.  The only thing left to do is place your bets how high the winning overbid comes in at.

Can you judge a book by its cover?  You’re going to have to if you’re interested in this beauty in Belmont!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader alyson for sending this foreclosed fortress in.

612 Hiller St
Belmont, CA 94002 
Price:  $624,900

Loan Payment:  $2,094/mo
Bedrooms:  3
Bathrooms:  2
Size:  1,970 sqft
$/Sqft:  $317/sqft
Type:  Single Family House
Year Built:  1953
Lot Size:  7,072
Days on Movoto:  15 days
MLS#:  81239349
Status:  Pending – Do Not Show
Go See This Home Make an Offer

Great opportunity to own a home in Belmont! Walking distance to schools, shopping and easy freeway access. This is great for 1st time buyers or investors. Only cash buyers for this property, the buyer(s) are to take possession with the occupant(s) in possession. There will be NO interior inspections for this property, only drive by.*** DO NOT DISTURBE THE OCCUPANT(S) *** Thank You.

Here’s why alyson sent us this listing:

“great for 1st time buyers” but you can only drive by before buying!

Who says you can only drive by?  You have many other options!  You could also walk by, jog by, bike by, skateboard by, rollerblade by, or wait for the next snowstorm and cross-country ski by.

Also, if you’re really feeling adventurous, you could descend down the chimney wearing a cable harness like in Mission: Impossible, to avoid the laser-activated alarms this house is obviously secured by.  That’s why there’s no photos inside.

We do like how Movoto encourages us to Go See This Home when the listing copy tells us we can’t.

Bunus: Home sold for $640K in… 2004!

It’s been at least a few days since we featured a house in Mountain View.  Fortunately, this grave error is about to be rectified with a guest post!  Today Burbed reader mabel du will be your guest blogger.  Please give mabel du, Burbed’s very own e.e. cummings, a big, warm, Real Bay Area welcome.

Once again, we have a Mountain View property (it’s hot there, I tell you, hot! hot! hot!) that was completely removed from the well-behaved listing sites.  We’ll assume this is another case of Pending/Do Not Show, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect Listing Photos Online.  Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for certain not-so-well-behaved websites, so we can bring you the pix.  Today’s listing laggard is Sawbuck.  Thanks for taking your time!

Update 12 noon: For those without Sawbuck sign-ins, we’ve added a few more photos at the end so you can appreciate teh awesome.

2379 Jane Lane
Mountain View, CA 94043
$799,000

Status: Contract (19 Days)

Bedrooms : 3
Bathrooms : 2
Lot Size : 0.11 ac
Finished Sq Ft : 1,104 sq. ft.
Type : Detached Single Family
Style : Eichler
Year Built : 1955
Subdivision : Thompson
Stories : 1
MLS# : 81231454
WalkScore™ : 72 (Very Walkable)

1344 Sq.Ft.4 bedrooms, Garage converted to sound room/bedroom with private entrance(permits uk)Light and bright with many windows. Remodeled Kitchen and baths, new tile floors in bathrooms, new laminate floor:kitchen & LivingRoom & DiningRoom, new carpet in bedrooms.New Dual pane windows,outside and inside paint.Spa and large storage shed. Monta Loma elementary a block away, Close to Costco/Google

here’s a dilly.  nothing particularly spectacular about the house, but the realtor’s comments?  they’re oh-so-educational.  clearly, the buying public it too stoopid to know what the rooms are, so the realtor titled each picture.

i’d never have guessed what that there room was with all the cabinets and appliancey stuff, but she helped me understand with the label “kitchen”.  and the education continues for each room.  except…

except for the mysterious “Garage converted to sound room/bedroom with private entrance(permits uk)”  curious and curiouser – what could it possibly be???

interesting that her text description doesn’t match to the stats posted on the same page;  4 bedrooms vs 3;  1344 sq ft  vs  1104 sq ft.  but her comment “(permits uk)” pretty much answers the question, in weird circular logic.  assuming “uk” equals ‘unknown’ and not a weird worm hole back to jolly ol’ england.

Update: Added some more photos.  —ed.

Here’s a find in the East Hills of San Jose, in Almost-But-Not-Quite-Evergreen.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Tracy Tea House for this disappearing domicile.  Yes, disappearing, the listing went Pending-Do Not Show the day we wrote this and we had to search for it on literally SEVEN different real estate sites until we found one that hadn’t pulled the pix fast enough.  Today’s Thank-goodness-somebody-out-there-is-lazy real estate website is SAWBUCK.

3157 Markwood Court
San Jose, CA 95148
$586,000

Bedrooms : 5
Bathrooms : 3
Lot Size : 0.29 ac
Finished Sq Ft : 2,253 sq. ft.
Type : Detached Single Family
Style : Traditional
Year Built : 1976
Subdivision : Evergreen
Stories : 2
MLS# : 81220317
WalkScore™ : 38 (Car-Dependent)

Diamond in a rough. Good location, near schools, EastRidge Mall. No warranty on Swimming pool/spa. Big lot. Two separate storages with no permit at rear. A lot of potential for this property. As-is sale.

Here’s why Tracy sent this Evergreen edifice in:

Not only does it have the favorite phrase Diamond in the rough.” The pictures are “works of art.” From the sideways one, the stairway cage or the coiled hose… Classic… especially the non-warrantied swimming pool. 

Humm I wonder what is wrong right with it??

That’s “Diamond in A rough” not “diamond in THE rough.”  Perhaps they left a word or two out after rough.

Tracy also notes that the listing copy used to end with “Price reflect deferred maintenance on property.” instead of the current “As-is sale.”  We’ve added both the as-is and needs work tags. 

The pictures, all of them. are indeed works of art, if by “art” we actually mean “seriously, WTF?”  We’ve got every one of them for you (in case Sawbuck feels the need to abide by MLS rules) after the break.

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