Okay, East San Jose hills, but still! Oh my gawd who lives here, the POPE?  Thanks very much to Burbed reader TL in San Jose for sending in this feature that indicates what makes a joint classy. KAWLUMS!  Put some in your bedroom!

4227 CHABOYA Ct
San Jose, CA 95148
$2,988,000

7 Beds
6.5 Baths
8,314 Sq. Ft.
$359 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1989
Lot Size: 3.40 Acres
On Redfin: 14 days
Status: Active

Not only this mansion teeming with MAWBUL KAWLUMS, the listing isn’t full of much of anything. We didn’t forget the description; there isn’t any. Also missing are basic entry items such as the County, the house style, and how many stories in the building. But this agent doesn’t have any stories to tell. Instead, we’ll let the photos do all the talking.

We did find this description on MLSListings:

*BREATHTAKING UNSURPASSED VIEWS OF SF BAY AREA, SILICON VALLEY, AND THE BEST SUNSETS IN THE AREA* 7 BEDROOMS* 6.5 BATHS*2 MASTER SUITES* 2 KITCHENS W/ S.S. APPLIANCES* EXTRA LARGE BUILT IN FRIDGE* GRANITE SLAB COUNTERS HUGE ENTERTAINMENT/BONUS AREA* UNPARALLELED CUSTOM FINISHES THROUGHOUT *HIGH CEILINGS* MARBLE FLOORS* DRAMATIC STAIRCASE* BASKETBALL CT* VINEYARD * SOLAR POOL* EXCELLENT SCHOOLS*

Best of all, it links to a virtual tour with, we shit you not, 80 pictures.  Because the 25 on Redfin are obviously not enough. Also not enough are the missing description in Redfin and the ALL-CAPS one above. So we are delighted to share the one from the virtual tour as well, because it demonstrates the care and consideration taken with selling a three million dollar house.

It certainly does. 148,104 sure is a lot.

Ready for some housing win? Sure you are.  Burbed reader nomadic has just what we need: great photos and an even greater price. Plus, Redfin says it’s not for sale and Movoto says it certainly is!

16600 Englewood Ave
Los Gatos, CA 95032

$1,600,000
Loan Payment: $6,204/mo
Bedrooms: 3
Bathrooms: 1
Size: 1,264 sqft
$/sqft: $1,265/sqft
Type: Single Family House
Year Built: 1947
Lot Size: 12,752
Days on Movoto: 59 days
MLS#: 81324091
Status: Active

Location, Location, Location, A beautiful, flat, corner 12,752SF site in a prime neighborhood of Los Gatos, close to downtown, schools, and all conveniences. Build new or remodel existing property which can be lived in or rented while obtaining permits and plans for your new home. House is being sold as is…

Build new or remodel. Guess “turnkey” is the wrong word for this listing. Let’s listen to nomadic’s words instead.

The listing agent forgot to put “value is in the land” in the description, because this is a prime teardown candidate.  However, at $1.6M it’s priced about $600k too high for just the land.  Look at the weird construction.  The interior walls all show the brick.  Does this house really not have any insulation?  The bricks are large too, adding a certain cinder block (non)appeal.

We especially like this paired photo set. Can you tell if you’re looking at the same room or not?

Google Streetview reveals that the driveway gave up halfway from the house.

File this one under the “Serious, we had absolutely no flipping idea about this” file.

According to The Epoch Times, a San Francisco apartment building recently featured on Burbed is not quite what it seems.  We thought it was just a series of very, very tiny places to live, allowing somebody to be a micro-slumlord over this warren of micro-rentals. But, whoa! Look what this place really is!  (Warnng: links to site are PDFs)

Modular Building Creating Affordability in San Francisco

BY CATHERINE YANG, EPOCH TIMES STAFF

For developers in San Francisco, “it’s the best of times, and it’s the worst of times,” says Panoramic Interests CEO Patrick Kennedy.

If you’ve just put a building on the currently under-supplied market, it’s a really good time. But if you’re in the earlier stages of a project, everything is getting expensive.

“Land’s expensive, the construction trade’s expensive, the entitlement process is expensive,” Kennedy said. Of course, the cost is passed on to renters and buyers.

“If you want to bring down the cost of housing, you have to be more dense—simple matter,” Kennedy said. “Land is expensive in San Francisco, and to the extent that you can provide more units on any given piece of land, you can lower the cost of the housing.”

38 Harriet is nothing but a bloody trailer park stacked up and stuccoed over.

Ernest Cline’s SF/teen/gamer novel Ready Player One proposed this concept in post-apocalyptic living two years ago: trailer homes stacked 20 pods high.  And this building, as you can see from these this article and another linked below, is the exact same thing.  Then again, the stacked units in the novel were considered low-income misery living outside Oklahoma City rather than SF hipster destination paradise.

Here’s a related article on the next page, which sings the praises of “offsite modular construction.”  Don’t let the terminology fool you. These pictures confirms that this apartment building is a high-end trailer park Habitrail.

Not everyone can afford to live close to Google.  For everyone else there’s real life and real budgets. That means properties like the one we’re bringing you today.  Oh wait, this property has an asking price of $850,000.

1340 DAHLIA Loop
San Jose, CA 95126
$849,900

HOA Dues: $180/mo.
3 Beds
3 Baths
1,977 Sq. Ft.
$430 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 2006
Lot Size: 3,920 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 4 days
Status: Active
HOA Dues: $180/month
Style: Contemporary
Community: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81331315
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 3
County: Santa Clara

Stunning Single Family Home in Resort Style Encanto Community. Located walking distance from Santa Clara University and a short drive from Santana Row and San Jose International Airport. This is a unique corner lot with one of the biggest lot size in the community. Beautifully done Front/Back yard which are rare in this community. Bonus Room big enough for a pool table. Perfect for entertaining.

Let’s have a real good look at this “Resort Style Encanto Community,” because streetview is not available. Obviously this is such an exclusive resort, self-driving Google robot overlord vehicles aren’t allowed in.

You may not realize it, but the photo above and the other one of the pool are not the building that is for sale.  As a Burbed exclusive, we’d like to show you just what exactly it is they’re selling.

And then we’ll pull back a bit and give you another thing the agent didn’t.

Context.

See that house in the lower left corner of the plex, right next to both the railroad tracks and the kitchen & bathroom warehouse? Yup, that’s it. But hey! Front/Back yard which are rare in this community.

Wait until you find out what’s on the other side of those railroad tracks!

Bunus: Another unit is for sale in this community, which doesn’t have all the benefits such as the whopping 3800 square foot lot. What it does have is 26 photos for you to enjoy Resort Living.  And lots of trains.  Perfect for entertaining, provided the people you are entertaining are all three year old boys.

Whoo-whoooooooooo!

It’s Friday! That means another weekend coming up, so let’s end this block of Housing Win with something really, truly excellent. We think Burbed reader Wendie has found it. Read on and see if there’s gold in them thar flats.

3243 RAMONA St
Palo Alto, CA 94306
$1,679,000

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,720 Sq. Ft.
$976 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1951
Lot Size: 6,250 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 14 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Midtown
MLS#: 81328972
Style: Mediterranean
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara

Nestled on a spacious lot, this 3 bedroom 2 bath custom home filled with tons of natural light and serenity is just the beginning. In the heart of Midtown and close to all conveniences, transportation and nationally ranked schools, this home is perfect for your family now and into the future.

Wendie had something to say about the photo above,

The realtor should be ashamed of himself.  Even the first photo is full of junk on the driveway! I don’t really understand why someone trying to sell a 2M would not even THINK to get a housecleaner to remove the junk in and out of the home before he started taking photos!!!

Junk on the driveway? Looks like valuable prizes to us! What could be under those tarps? Buy this house (for a little bit less than $2M) and find out!

And at least they picked up the junk off the kitchen floor. (At least from this angle.)

Let us know what treasures you can find in this listing!

Tired of long articles that go on and on and on and ON? You’ll love today’s post and you’ll love today’s featured home even more.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Michael Boltonestater for these superb snapshots in Sunnyvale! And we hope you enjoy them, because the house is, you guessed it, Pending!

1170 BENNINGTON Dr
Sunnyvale, CA 94087
$1,150,000

6 Beds
3.5 Baths
2,246 Sq. Ft.
$512 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1955
Lot Size: 0.31 Acres
On Redfin: 22 days
Status: Pending Without Release
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Sunnyvale
MLS#: 81327931
Style: Contemporary
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara

Spacious Home located in Sought-After Cherry Chase Area! Kitchen features Built-In Cabinetry, 4 Burner Gas Range, Dishwasher. 3 Wood Burning Fireplaces in the Living Room, Family Room & Master Bedroom. Beautiful front yard with Gazebo. Pavers on the Driveway. Separate Cottage in the Back of the House w/ 1 Bedroom & Half Bath. Great Cherry Chase Elementary.

Want to see those three different fireplaces in the living room? Want to see them burn wood? Sorry, all we have is one fireplace with way too much Photoshop in the way. You’re going to have to figure out where they’ve managed to stash the other two. Perhaps they’re behind those sofas.

Enjoy a couple more of these delightfully dialed-up digital pix while you consider what life would be like in this home.

And if you want to feel the cold, hard slap of reality in your face, there’s always Google Streetview.

It’s time for a visit to the East Bay! Yayyyyy! Let’s see what’s cooking on the always delightful Isle of Alameda.  Burbed reader JL has quite a find for us today, so come on in!

2800 Bayview Dr
Alameda, CA 94501
$985,000

HOA Dues: $2/mo.
3 Beds
2.5 Baths
1,980 Sq. Ft.
$497 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1964
Lot Size: 3,164 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 19 days
Status: Active
HOA Dues: $2/month
Style: Contemporary
View: Bay, City Lights, Panoramic, San Francisco, Water
County: Alameda
Type: Duet
Stories: 2
Community: Bayview Estates
MLS#: 40625792

BREATHTAKING PANORAMIC VIEWS abound from this spectacular contemporary home! Two awesome decks allow for enjoyment of this tranquil Bay setting. The open floor plan, gourmet kitchen, hardwood floors, skylights and a master suite with sitting area are some of the many features of this wonderful home.

Let’s examine the dispatch from JL.

This is "JL" in Alameda, bringing your attention to a crazily-priced home here. This 3bdrm/2.5 bath house just went on sale and is priced FAR over anything on this street has gone for in years — at $985,000!!

Granted, it’s a nice house with a great backyard, right out on the Bay. Also, it’s probably the nicest remodel I’ve ever seen of this 1960s-era house (there are a bunch with the same layout on this street). But you can’t remodel away the fact that it’s still stuck to another house! These homes are all "duets" or whatever you call them — two houses that share a wall.

The history for this house may shed light on the high price — the owners paid $1 million for it in 2005!!! Insane. So maybe they’re just trying to use the latest bubble to recoup some of their loss from the last bubble.

Anyhoo, thought you’d be interested! Keep up the good work!  And please refer to me only as JL!

No problem, Jürgen, no problem at all!  Oopsies!  Let’s now take a look at what a “duet home” really means.

It’s not just that this is a house stuck to another house, it’s that they’re trying to pretend they’re two completely unrelated houses who just happened to be glued together completely by accident.

We’ve got a really hot Mountain View property for you today from Burbed reader LomaLuvr. Feel the burn as you tour this one virtually.  Whoops, too late! SOLD!

2676 YORKTON Dr
Mountain View, CA 94040
Sold for $1,565,000

4 Beds
3 Baths
1,975 Sq. Ft.
$792 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1965
Lot Size: 8,000 Sq. Ft.
Sold On: Aug 16, 2013
Status: Sold
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
County: Santa Clara
Style: Ranch
Community: Grant
MLS#: 81324377

WAVERLY PARK SINGLE STORY * NEW INT/EXT PAINT, NEW PLUSH CARPET/PAD * SPACIOUS KITCHEN, ISLAND, BREAKFAST BAR & NOOK, NEW LINO * FORMAL DINING RM, STEP DOWN LIVING RM, SEP FAMILY RM, CEILING FAN, FP W/ INSERT * PEACEFUL MBRM, SLIDER TO BACKYARD, CEDAR LINED CLOSETS * INS LAUNDRY, GAS & 220V HOOKUPS * NEWER WATER HEATER * OVERSIZED LOT, AGGREGATE PATIO, WELL MANICURED, SHED W/ NEWER ROOF * WALK TO COOPER PARK!TOP NOTCH SCHOOLS!

Great real estate photography means plenty of overbidding! This delightful home went for an extra $115K and we’re positive these radiant pictures helped. And you know when we say radiant we really mean radioactive.  Let’s have a look around.

So far, so good! And doesn’t every bathroom need a prominently featured puffer fish on the vanity?  Pro Tip: When photographing a room in HDR, wait for the fan to stop spinning.

This bedroom converted to an office not only shows an intriguing attempt at décor, delightfully framed by the original window and view to match.

There’s so much you can do with fabric choices to liven up a room! Looks like whoever staged this bathroom embraced the concept of More is More.  Bunus: Empty toilet roll!

Don’t forget the back yard! The generous grounds guarantee lots of space… for you to cook all summer, because there isn’t a shred of lawn anywhere. Plus the house next door has a great view of everything you’ll be up to.

We’re still trying to figure out which part of the yard is WELL MANICURED, the AGGREGATE PATIO or the SHED W/NEWER ROOF.  NEWER than what, the 1965 house?

And it’s Friday again! Let’s wrap up the workweek with another vacation/weekend/check-out-of-the-rat-race property far from the clogged freeways and three Starbucks per business district. Thanks very much to Burbed reader Tom Paine for sending in this relaxing retreat so private, the realtard doesn’t want you to know where it is.

Undisclosed Address
Forestville, CA 95436
$630,000

4 Beds
3 Baths
2,500 Sq. Ft.
$252 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1956
Lot Size: 1 Acre
On Redfin: 84 days
Property Type: Residential, Detached, Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: Russian River
MLS#: 21311796
Style: Ranch
View: Pasture, Other
County:
Sonoma

Great area! 1 acre parcel, Extensive work has been performed in upgrading this ranch style country home which includes Chinese oak flooring in living room & formal dining area, paver tile floors in kitchen & main bath, radiant heat, jetted tub, game room, separated extended living areas at rear of home(great for in-laws, caregivers, guests, etc. ) attached shop & garage, circular drive, outbuildings, metal roof and room for everyone & everything

Oh heck, we’ll disclose it: 8426 Templeman Road.  And what’s with this Chinese Oak flooring? Is that anything like Chinese drywall? Similarly, pavers in the kitchen? Is this a thing, like metal roofs?

Now let’s hear from Tom.

What could be more charming than a picture of a sleeping pig next to the hot tub? You need never bathe alone…

This is a Russian River resort (if by Russian River resort, we actually mean a place that’s more than 2 miles from the closest approach of the Russian River). Just wait for the river to crest and you need never skip bathing.  And by “you” we mean both you and the pig.

We have been spending FAR too much time in Silicon Valley. Let’s take a look at a property far away from Google in the far-flung San Jose exurbs. Or would that be Mountain View exurbs, given our comments about San Jose yesterday? This one’s a good fifty miles from Downtown SanHo, so it definitely is a long enough commute to be beyond a mere suburb. And like most exurban homes, it’s bigger than the usual Monta Loma Eichloid.  Whoops, Pending, even in the exurbs!

Thanks very much to Burbed reader amer_icongrl for today’s listing!

1571 17th Ave
San Francisco, CA 94122
$1,049,000

3 Beds
3 Baths
2,140 Sq. Ft.
$490 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1930
Lot Size: —
On Redfin: 26 days
Status: Pending
Property Type: Single-Family Home
Community: Inner Sunset
MLS#: 410598
View: Panoramic, Water, Ocean
County: San Francisco

Panoramic ocean views are just the beginning in this exceptional Spanish Mediterranean home on a premier 17th Ave block. With a flowing open floor plan, 3 bedrooms, 3 baths, wood burning fireplace, and hardwood floors throughout, there is everything needed for gracious living. Enjoy the views from enclosed sun porches and dine casually in the eat-in kitchen.

You’re going to have to enjoy views from the enclosed sun porches because this house doesn’t have a lot size. Oh, wait, the public records say it’s 3,000 square feet.

You’re welcome.  Here’s a typical example of the spectacular sunshine you’ll enjoy on the sunporches when you’re 50 miles from San Jose.

Now let’s hear from amer_icongrl.

17th Ave is the new "Inner Sunset"

I gasped when I saw the location of the stackable washer & dryer.  Also, an overpriced home in SF is no surprise, but typically for 1mil + they put some effort into staging the place (or at the very least, put the toilet seat down).

I just love the "why bother? they’ll come with cash and overbids anyway" attitude!

It’s pending, right?

Wait, did you say open toilet? You are talking some serious Burbed win, here.  We’d been doing such a good job educating realtards on basic Dos and Don’ts, (Do include more than one photo, Don’t shoot until you’ve cleaned up the room, that sort of thing) that it’s been ages since we’ve seen a toilet salute.

Thanks for making our day! We’ve added it to our grand collection of Saluting Toilets over on Redfin Collections!

Be sure to check out more of the photos. These are some of the saddest, loneliest listing pictures in a million dollar house we’ve seen in a while. If only this place knew the way to San Jose.