July 7, 2011

Photopalooza

Many thanks to Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer for this record-breaking listing.

2451 Larkin St, San Francisco, CA 94109
$3,249,000

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BEDS: 5
BATHS: 4.5
SQ. FT.: 4,590
$/SQ. FT.: $708
LOT SIZE: -
PROPERTY TYPE: Single-Family Home
STYLE: Contemporary, Modern/High Tech
VIEW: Panoramic, City Lights, Bay, Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco, Garden/Greenbelt, Forest
YEAR BUILT: 1906
COMMUNITY: Russian Hill
COUNTY: San Francisco
MLS#: 384261
SOURCE: San Francisco MLS
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 58 days

Boasting approx. 4,590 square feet, this amazing remodeled home offers breathtaking full span Golden Gate Bridge views & stunning views of the Bay, Palace of Fine Arts, Marin Headlands, & the City. 5BR, 4.5BA, foyer, gorgeous staircase, living room with fireplace, dining room, eat-in gourmet kitchen, family rm, upper view living rm, wet bar, work rm, 2 laundry rms, huge walk-out view terrace, w-out patio, excellent storage, garden, security system, Siedle intercom system, large 2 car garage with interior access, wired for CAT 5, wired for sound in many rms w/ 5 zones of B & W speakers, hi ceilings, hardwood floors, skylights, double paned windows, secondary staircase, + a legal unit. On a prime flat tree-lined blk in prestigious Russian Hill.

imageOne of the recurring complaints we’ve had with listings here are those with no or very few photos.  If you want us to plunk down not a lot of money for a house, we’d like to know it’s worth our while to spend the time to visit it.

No problem here! This 100+ year-old house not only will cost you a lot of money, even by RBA standards, but nobody is going to complain there aren’t enough pictures, either.  Even if two of the first three aren’t of the house at all but some stupid bridge that isn’t included.

Yes, you read that right.  82 pictures.  Which one is your personal favorite?  It’s hard to choose, but here are a few that helped today’s listing earn its wtf tag. Yet many of them are so perfectly suited to this Dwell parody site that the captions practically write themselves.

 

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That poorly-socialized chair once again blocked the harmonic flow between the golden glazed pottery and the wood stove.

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Japanese elements such as rice paper and red pine could not disguise the fact that this was still a jail cell.

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Okay, now you try it!  Or you can pick any picture number from the listing and provide your caption!

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This last one is thrown in to note that you can spend over three million dollars for this place and not get a single square foot of actual land included.

Comments (22) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:09 am






July 1, 2011

Too Late! Charming House in Redwood City You Can’t Have

burbedguestbloggerHere’s another terrific submission from Burbed reader sfbubblebuyer, who takes the front page again today as Guest Blogger.  We’re going back to one of our favorite sources for the quintessential Burbed residence: Redwood City!  Alas, the house has sold since it was submitted, but it’s still worth admiring!

Please give sfbubblebuyer your best, warmest Real Bay Area welcome!


677 HAMPSHIRE Ave, Redwood City, CA 94063
$249,900

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BEDS: 3
BATHS: 1.5
SQ. FT.: 1,080
$/SQ. FT.: $231
LOT SIZE: 5,000 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Cottage/Bungalow
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1940
COMMUNITY: Dumbarton
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81058792
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Sold

Open and bright home with well used space. Formal entry/foyer, living room is spacious, eat-in family kitchen, nicely fenced with a gated long driveway leading to detached garage. Location is convenient and close to school and school grounds. Good opportunity to own a home.

imageThe best thing about this piece of crap is that TWO Redfin agents have toured it. One notes the mold in the bedrooms which is easily visible in the photos, and the other one notes a “shed-like structure in backyard.” Not a shed, a shed-like structure. OoooOOOH! What a mystery!

I must find out more about this shed-like structure! Perhaps it is the entrance to Batman’s west-coast secret base! Maybe it conceals a nuclear missile launch bay! Who knows? Because it’s not a shed, but a SHED-LIKE STRUCTURE!

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imageIf we move on to the listing agent, they want to make it absolutely clear that not only is this house close to the a school, it’s also close to the ground on which the school is located!

What a relief! I was afraid this house was in some Esheresque void in Redwood City where you can reach up and touch the school, but to get to the GROUNDS, you needed to climb dozens of space warping staircases to navigate your way there.

 

Comments (10) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:12 am

June 30, 2011

All the Charm of Milpitas, at a Mountain View Price!

Yesterday’s featured property in Milpitas was well-received, so let’s return to the City of a Thousand Aromas with this great find from Burbed reader nomadic!


682 KIRKWALL Pl, Milpitas, CA 95035
$788,000

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BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 2,690
$/SQ. FT.: $293
LOT SIZE: 10,000 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Mountains
YEAR BUILT: 1982
COMMUNITY: Milpitas
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81118480
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 63 days

PRICE REDUCED!! NICE HOME IN A GREAT AREA OF MILPITAS. 4BEDS/3BATHS, 3 CAR GARAGE. BEAUTIFUL BACKYARD AND NEW LANSCAPE OF FRONT HOUSE. NEW INTERIOR AND EXTERIOR PAINT. SUNROOM BUILT WITH PERMIT. TOTAL SQUARE FEET OF THE HOUSE: 3000sf.

Here’s what nomadic thought of this NICE HOME:

The neighborhood across the freeway from today’s featured house is filled with snout houses with HUGE noses.  Check out this hideous example.  Fitting street name too: as the Redfin agent helpfully points out, it’s next to the sound wall for the freeway.

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But wait!  That’s not ALL you get!  How about this poorly lit living/dining room? The same effect in the bedroom?

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The late 80s kitchen décor?  The two-tone ceiling in the bedroom? 

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The indescribable feeling you’re in a shotgun shack in a 2,690 square foot house?  The mismatched marble-like surfaces in the bathroom?

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Good thing they included those gorgeous pictures of the back yard.  You’re really going to enjoy that holiday from the humdrum by relaxing out here instead of staying indoors.

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Ahhhh!

Comments (9) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:04 am

June 24, 2011

The Washer Dryer and Refrig stay

Here’s a find from Burbed reader z2amiller, no doubt one of the many also-rans during the long road to homeloanership.  You all remember z2amiller, don’t you?  First burbed reader who admitted, and thus earned this badge:

meme-1440519

801 WAKE FOREST Dr, Mountain View, CA 94043
$558,000

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BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,075
$/SQ. FT.: $519
LOT SIZE: 7,700 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1954
COMMUNITY: Whisman
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81125530
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 12 days

Great starter home in Mountain View w/ 4 bdrm. & 2 baths. Freshly painted interior & exterior. New carpets and linoleum. New stove w/ self cleaning oven, fan-hood and dishwasher. The Washer Dryer & Refrig stay. If you love gardening/fruit trees/flowers/herb garden/and vegtable garden you will love this 7700sf lot. Room for boat. Front yard mostly roses on drip system. No Gar. door closed/up-1-car

imageHere’s what z2amiller had to say about this property:

9 pictures and not a single one of the indoors? 4 bedrooms in 1075 sqft? I guess you better _really_ love gardening and spending time outside in your huge 7700 sqft lot!

They must have changed the pictures, only four of them are outdoors now!  And note how this one managed to include the TP on the roll, even!

Wow, I’m getting trippy watching all those water features line up, all those metal bars line up, it even repeats in the mirror… and the metal soap dish reinforces the metal TP holder.  Now that’s art.  Whatever money they spent on HDR photography was money well spent.  I want to buy this place and set up an easel and canvas and see if I can get some water lily action going.  Or at least water closet.

Comments (94) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:03 am

June 20, 2011

House for the Adventurous in Redwood City

Here’s a really special find from Burbed reader tuno.

150 FINGER Ave, Redwood City, CA 94062

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BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2.5
SQ. FT.: 3,040
$/SQ. FT.: $427
LOT SIZE: 0.34 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Spanish
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1949
COMMUNITY: High School Acres
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81122866
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 15 days

Wonderful Spanish Style in Wellesley Park. Beautiful Two Level Home with large 1/3 acre lot. This spacious Wellesley Park home offers 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths plus an office. Enjoy 3,040 sq. ft. of living area on two stories. This classic home abounds w/ character throughout: concrete floors and walls, custom wrought-iron handrails and copper gutters. A great home for entertaining both indoors & out!

Here’s what tuno had to say about this listing:

imagewhat caught my eye re this one was the presentation photo; you know, the first one you see, the one that is supposed to represent the house.  I thought gee, why would they want you to think that this is a high crime area???  esp. when the house is so costly?

then when I saw the baby blue formica in the kitchen, the big "martini" sign, and the other bits of wrought iron, I realized that I was looking at a genuine "swingers" house, and that the window bars are to keep excited partiers *in*.

Um, yeah, party on.  Maybe they can invite the two dudes chillin’ over.

Comments (91) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:08 am

June 17, 2011

MASTER BEDROOM LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS MAGAZINE

Here’s another great find from Burbed reader Tracy!  I hope Tracy doesn’t find a house to buy anytime soon, or say goodbye to these terrific listings and I’ll have to look at places like these myself.  Don’t know if I’d dare face the wilds of Milpitas, though, so thanks very much, Tracy!

436 COELHO St, Milpitas, CA 95035
$674,950

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BEDS: 5
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 1,962
$/SQ. FT.: $344
LOT SIZE: 7,975 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Traditional
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Mountains, Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1964
COMMUNITY: Milpitas
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81121789
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 18 days

GORGEOUS COMPLETELY RE-MODELED DREAM HOME!! NEUTRAL COLORS THRU-OUT. MASTER BEDROOM LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS MAGAZINE WITH JACUZZI TUB, FIREPLACE AND VIEW OF THE HILLSIDE. ENORMOUS ALMOST 8,000 SQ. FT. LOT. GET HERE FAST!! WON’T LAST!!

Here’s what Tracy had to say about this place:

I don’t know what magazines they are reading! Absolutely hideous  complete with Kawlums ! Strange, there are no granite countertops or red walls???  Very fancy outdoor kitchen and shed too! Maybe the house looks better in person? Could be just a horrible set of photos, a lame description, and lack of caps or punctuation that makes this one a candidate for the blog!

imageHey, not every house featured on Burbed claims their interior decoration is good enough to be in a national magazine.  The closest thing I can think of is that place in Campbell that said it looked like it was in Saratoga.

And not every house featured in Burbed has MAWBUL KAWLUMS FTW.  Too bad there aren’t any on the outside.

But, oh wow, when was this kitchen done, 1986?  And the living room, um, I can’t figure out if those are sanitary covers or if someone has too much time on her hands and a sewing machine.

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At least they put their laundry away, you know what I’m saying?

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Hey look!  You get your own mini-golf park in the back yard!  Awesomeness!  Plus a terrific design touch in the bathroom: the premium sink/basin so conveniently located right next to the crapper.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the MASTER BEDROOM that LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS MAGAZINE WITH JACUZZI TUB, FIREPLACE AND VIEW OF THE HILLSIDE.  Ready?

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OMFG.  Is that a fireplace, or a 1958 television console?  I figure it needs the fan to keep the vacuum tubes from overheating.  Here’s another view, in case you don’t like this one.

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Yeah that looks like something out of Better Homes and Gardens Magazine all right: a before picture.

Comments (13) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:03 am

June 16, 2011

Byr ISO Lstg w/o Abbrvs

Today’s featured listing is from comments, found by Burbed reader Real Estater.  The listing copy seems a mite heavy on the abbreviations.  Maybe this agent is charged per letter of listing copy by the broker.  Maybe the agent used to work at Western Union in 1933.  And, then again, maybe the agent is just super lazy.

386 E Duane Ave, Sunnyvale CA 94085
$450,000

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BEDS: 2
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 982
$/SQ. FT.: $458
LOT SIZE: 5,200 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Attached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1949
COMMUNITY: Sunnyvale
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81123947
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 3 days

Orig Owner always Hm. UEichler Hm W/ Lots of potential & Great Bones. Orig Parquet Flrs in L/R & D Rm, White Oak in Bdrms. 2 wndos on each side of F/P panelled over. Front Wndos Doubled Paned only, Newer Comp Shingle Roof (1996) w/ 2 Sky Tunnels in Large, Eat-In Kitchen w/ New Laminate Flrs. Covered patio area, auto sprinklers in well cared 4 yards. Quiet side of E. Duane Ave. This is a must SEE 4 the price.

Real Estater didn’t refer us to this listing on Redfin, but on Movoto.  Here’s some of what you get with the Movato site that is completely missing from Redfin: Artistic License.  We’ll bring you those photos and more Movoto Madness after the break.

(more…)

Comments (58) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:05 am

June 15, 2011

What kind of photos would you expect for a $1.3M house?

$1,275,000

 

Beds: 3
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,770
$/Sq. Ft.: $720
Lot Size: 0.35 Acres
Property Type: Attached Single Family
Style: Contemporary
Stories: 1
View: Neighborhood
Year Built: 1958
Community: Mills Estate
County: San Mateo
MLS#: 81123602
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active


 

 

 

 

On Redfin: 4 days
Beautiful 3 Bedroom 2 Bath home completely remodeled with Upgraded appliances, Hardwood floors, Dual pane windows, custom lighting and solid core doors throughout. Beautiful landscaping front and rear with Solar heated pool and Hot tub. All brick rear patios and retaining wall. 250 square foot bonus room. No rear neighbors.

Further proof that the Bay Area is back my friends. Check out this $1.3M house – in particular, the fine photos selected. Are these “F You It’s a Seller’s Market” photos? Or are these photos for this season’s Ghost Hunters? I’m thinking the former, but you never know.

Personally, my favorite photo in the series is this one:

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Does anyone know any curators at SF MOMA? If this piece doesn’t belong there, I don’t know what does.

What would you call this piece? I’m thinking “No rear neighbors”. Boom! An instant classic!

Comments (13) -- Posted by: burbed @ 5:54 am

June 9, 2011

Condo in Prime Palo Alto at 1980s Pricing. Yes, 1980s.

Here’s a find from comments by Burbed reader SEA.  Perhaps Fortress Palo Alto is… looking a lot more like an actual fortress.

195 BRYANT St, Unit A, Palo Alto, CA 94301
$1,298,000

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BEDS: 2
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,574
$/SQ. FT.: $825
LOT SIZE: 1,306 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Condominium
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 1-3 (Low Rise)
YEAR BUILT: 1980
COMMUNITY: Downtown
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81102659
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 124 days

Sophisticated living in downtown PA. Top floor condo with security gate entry. Unit has been customized  or modern lifestyle! Chic finishes incl. cherry flooring, Macassar Ebony paneling, FP with Brazilian marble slab surround and granite counters in updated kitchen. Master suite enjoys lavish bath with amazing shower, 2nd ensuite has dressing area and spa-bath. Secured bldg. , underground garage.

imageAh, one reason to visit this place.  I always wondered what an antimacassar protected against, other than a tongue-tied serial killer. This place has “Macassar Ebony paneling,” so bring your Victorian furniture doilies when you tour this customized unit.  I’d hate to imagine how little it would be worth if the owner had left this place stock.  Although the (cough) $521 a month HOA dues don’t help matters here.  I suspect those were slightly lower when the place last changed hands; it was only 9 years old then.

Now, not only could you have paid more for this place 22 years ago, in 1989 dollars, but also we discover that the seller is somewhat thin-skinned:

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imageWhat kind of owner doesn’t want blogs discussing their property for sale?  Either someone who can’t take any kind of criticism, or someone who knows they have an absolute pig and wants us to admire the lipstick.  And look at all the penciling on this porker.  Got granite?

Don’t stop with the 9 pictures included in a Redfin listing, there’s a Virtual Tour, too!  For example, this one is entitled “Community” but I am still thinking “Fortress” from the first picture.

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And this one is mistakenly titled Living Room.

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I think a better title would be, “Lost over $200,000 in equity over 22 years despite buying in can’t-miss downtown Palo Alto, where property values should double every ten years, yet owner has still not thrown the flat screen TV out the window.”

Comments (25) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:02 am

June 7, 2011

TOO MANY UPGRADES TO LIST

Here’s another find from Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer, from the prestigious “almost Palo Alto and next to the same train tracks” neighborhood.

2380 ADELE Ave, Mountain View, CA 94043

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BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,334
$/SQ. FT.: $621
LOT SIZE: 6,000 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1956
COMMUNITY: Thompson
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81109726
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending With Release
ON REDFIN: 91 days

Bright & Spacious with open floor plan. Newer paint interior & exterior. Newer Garage door. Newer double door. Remodeled kitchen with Granite Countertop. Stainless Steel Appliances & Refrigerator. Newer sliding door to backyard. Refinish Hardwood floors throughout the house. Cozy Fireplace in Living room. Beautiful private Backyard. TOO MANY UPGRADES TO LIST. OPEN-HOUSE 5/22/2011 from 1-4pm

imageI hope you caught that they expect the seller buyer to refinish the hardwood floors throughout the house.  (That was an order, right?)  For $829K you can’t have everything.

Here’s something else they didn’t list: sold for $950K with overbidding, just 3 years ago!  Now the asking price is closer to the 2004 sale price.

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How high did the overbidding go this round?  And why won’t anyone stay in this house more than 4 years?  Is it a Presidential Campaign stop?  Buy this house, and sell it with overbidding in 2016!

Comments (43) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:06 am