Anyone can buy a million dollar house in a prestige area.  Well, anyone who had the sense to join the right company before they went public, that is.  But it takes a Special someone to buy a seven digit priced property in the land of homes that cost Not A Lot Of Money™.

1501 OBURN Ct
Campbell, CA 95008
$1,149,000

4 Beds
3 Baths
2,255 Sq. Ft.
$510 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1986
Lot Size: 9,594
Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 2 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Campbell
MLS#: 81304821
Style: Contemporary
View: Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara

Beautiful Executive Campbell Home on Extra Large Corner Lot located in a Cul de Sac. Inviting Master Bedroom Suite with Walk in closets featuring Large Master Bath, Separate Shower and Jacuzzi tub. Oversized 3 Car Garage with extra storage space. Large Backyard has Private Patio with Running Waterfall. Side Yard has Storage Shed/Workshop. Award Winning Campbell School District with High API Scores

Are you thinking Lord of the Manor? Or is this more Can’t Even Qualify For Real Gray Area?

To which we say, does it even matter? The listing won’t even show you any inside photos. You want to see the inside, you had better buy this house, and quickly, because it’ll be gone before you know it.  Get the begging letter ready, bring your prequalification paperwork, and an extra suitcase full of cash for overbidding.

At right is the kitchen from the previous (2008) listing, which called out the granite and stainless.  The current listing copy doesn’t mention the kitchen at all!  Instead it goes on about the jacuzzi and the garage you can’t see instead.  And really, is there anything you can do about it? Well you could rent for the rest of your life, but who would respect you? Wouldn’t you rather live in a house like this and have a close, personal relationship with a series of banks for the next 30 years?

The bubble is back, and this $1.15M house in Campbell says you are its bitch. 

Today’s featured property is brought to you by Burbed reader wahnny.  It’s perfect for a quick little mini-vacay, because it’s an easy drive from Google, Facebook, Apple, or wherever you should be working this weekend.  Just plop down the cash (easily found behind the couch cushions or by redeeming a couple of stock options), pitch your tent, and enjoy!  Plus, you could build a house on it!

2155 Tucker
Scotts Valley, CA 95066
$140,000

— Beds
— Baths
— Sq. Ft.
Built: —
Lot Size: 4.74 Acres
On Redfin: 9 days
Property Type: Residential Land (Single Family)
Community: Scotts Valley North
MLS#: 81304038
View: Mountains
County: Santa Cruz

Perfect vacation spot with a self sufficient little cabin. Off the grid with spring fed water. A wonderful tree house, a zip line, a foot bridge PLUS your own beach on Soquel Creek (year round water) Great place to get away, enjoy the peace and quiet. Read a book, go for a hike, let you kids enjoy the the outdoors! Can’t see a neighbor who you all share in the road maintenance.

Here’s why wahnny sent in this delightful home away from home (that is, if by home, we actually meant a place that doesn’t have a house for grown-ups on site).

Just came across this offbeat/offgrid Scotts Valley getaway.  What an interesting use of children, to help sell property.  And deep in the woods no less!

Unlike the "mini-San Simeon" property, this one actually has a zip line, as well as other fun structures (cabin, treehouse), and isn’t as far from civilization/paved roads.  And it has "beach" access (to the creek) too!

Given its relative proximity to the RBA, relative RBA pricing, and r3ltrd copyspeak, it’s quite clear who this would appeal to!

Every rule we’ve ever heard about staging a property for sale says to take family photos out of the house, because the buyers want to visualize themselves in the house. If they see pictures of your family, then that makes it harder for them to see themselves living there.  Obviously either the agent never heard of this rule, or she has some really obstinate sellers.  Why?  This property features a bunch of family snaps instead of the usual listing photos.

And whoever’s idea this was, they really want you to admire the family.  The pictures of the grounds that left the wife and kiddies out are not the sharpest prints in the drawer. 

Just wait until you meet “can’t see a neighbor who you all share in the road maintenance.”  We double dog dare you to share in the road maintenance with someone you can’t see.

Bunus: Be sure to check out the listing history.

Extra-super-bunus: Last sale (at $190K in 2007) and the older photos are still available for your viewing pleasure.  You can tell this one on the right is from the old set, because it’s actually focused.

Today is a very special day if you love romance and lovers and all that twaddle.  Our featured home was suggested by Burbed reader Tracy Tea House, who thought it was perfect for February 14th. We went along with it because we really weren’t up to finding yet another pink house for this year.  Thanks very much and please give Tracy a big, warm Real Bay Area welcome as today’s Guest Blogger!

And also some chocolate.  This stupid Hallmark Holiday does have an upside.

1048 Arlington Ln
San Jose, CA 95129
$1,598,000

4 bed, 3 bath
2,415 sqft
Single-Family Home
10 Days on Trulia
187 views
Status: For Sale
MLS/Source ID: NON
4 Bedrooms
3 Bathrooms
2,415 sqft
Single-Family Home
Built In 2007
Lot Size: 8,712 sqft
Zip: 95129
Neighborhood: West Valley

Beautiful Home in Top Cupertino School – Rebuilt in 2007

1048 Arlington Ln Rebuilt in 2007. 2415 SF of living space on a 7068 SF lot Hardwood flooring and recessed lighting throughout home. Fireplace in family room. Custom Cherry wood Kitchen cabinet and granite counters. All New Appliances. Master Suite with Sunken Jacuzzi Tub. Top Cupertino Schools.

Maybe a good house for Valentine’s Day as the Realtor is really trying hard to romance this house. Let’s go picture  by picture shall we?

Number one, bleak and dismal, focus on the stained and cracked concrete.

Number two, the desk will not fit in this small room so we will try to make you a believer by turning it diagonal.. Problem solved!

Number three, we are really proud of the stock door, and the paint. Pictures 3-5 are making the most of it.

Pic six, how to show the shower and tub in same photo? We wouldn’t want to waste an extra shot that could involve the commode. And, what makes the Jacuzzi sunken?

But my favorite is the last one. Like a set from a film in the San Fernando Valley. Imagine, an empty room, a bed, a bottle of wine and two glasses. And practically new remodeled 2007, and trying to get that back.

Ah, Woodside, home of the record-breaking property sale.  Also home of Larry Ellison (well, one of of homes, because he sold the other one).  Point is, Woodside is for CEOs and Venture Capitalists, not worker bees.  WRONG!  Today’s featured property, courtesy of Burbed reader holyzoo, shows that Entry Level in Woodside is welcoming you to Executive Acres!  Read on and find out why!

125 Ware Rd
Woodside, CA 94062
$649,000

2 bed, 2 bath
1,180 sqft
Single-Family Home
14 Days on Trulia
411 views
Style: Detached, Cabin – Woodside, CA

125 Ware Rd Charming rustic cabin surrounded by redwoods, in State Scenic Skyline Corridor. Includes parcel # 067-042-020 at .35 acre, 15,682 sq ft. Total of both lots is .9065 acre 39,922 sq ft. They are level lots. Home needs repair and is being sold “as is”. It is ideal for a contractor or handyman. Den was third bedroom but now lacks a closet. Outbuilding garage is currently not usable.

 

Now lacks a closet? Therein lies a tale!  Here’s more from holyzoo:

Brother to another… etc. . you know the cliche… I have been tracking your website for a LONG time, saving untold sums avoiding therapist bills.

I’ll keep on keeping on, and probably begin to send you more crap than you want, but this busted me up today. We were looking at Mid-Peninsula Skyline properties today – one was a granny shack for $650k. As dated as 1930 can provide.. be prepared for major dryrot repair, complete remodel, or better yet, tear it down and rebuild.

W00t! Teardown! Value is in the land, which is why they’re making more of it. Two parcels, no waiting.  And yes, the granny shack was built in 1930, which means it qualifies for the old house tag!

And so convenient!

Today’s delicious domicile comes to you from Alameda, the island garden of the Bay.  Or should we say Oakland Afloat? Estuary Estates? Maybe you have an even better name for Alameda than those! Thanks very much to Burbed reader JL for finding a house with a creative command to the buyer.

492 MCDONNEL Rd
Alameda, CA 94502
$599,000

3 Beds
2.5 Baths
1,625 Sq. Ft.
$369 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1992
Lot Size: 3,895 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 19 days
Status: Pending
HOA Dues: $365/month
Style: Contemporary
Community: Bay Colony
MLS#: 40601391
Type: Duet
Stories: 2
County: Alameda

Very sunny duet home W/ big lot, great size open backyd, spacious driveway, cul-de-sac. Extra high ceiling grand entrance. Gorgeous new kitchen. double pane window. HOA cover exterior, roof, front yd & insurance. close to ferry terminal. One of a kind. Must see. Nobody pass away inside the house.

Here’s what JL had to say about the house:

Burbed is the best! I had to pass along an Alameda listing that has generous and inexplicable amounts of fail.

First, there’s only outside pictures. Never a good sign. But the best thing is the description. Granted, I think we may have a non-native speaker as the writer, but the last line is hilarious no matter what.

The strange thing is, this looks like a nice house. The redfin Streetview link takes you to a street over a block, but if you go to Google street view directly, it shows a decent-looking place. So the Redfin listing could have been nice, but instead was awesomely bad.

Awesomely bad? It’s not every house that’s not just part of a cookie-cutter tract but a gol-durn “duet home” in a cookie cutter tract that can call itself “one of a kind”! Now that’s awesomely something!  Plus there’s insurance in the front yard! The $365 a month HOA fees are just the cherry on this Win Sundae!

We tried to find the collection of “only outside pictures” without success.  Other listing sites either had the photos removed (with the listing marked as off market) or a slightly different set of photos, inside as well as out.  Here are a couple more, just in case Redfin yanks these bright and early Monday morning. 

And we mean it about the bright, as the Cherenkov radiation is strong in this one.  Just for grins, check out the outdoor pix on Zillow!  Must see.

Serious WHOA.  Of course if we had a yard like that, we wouldn’t pass away inside the house either.

Burbed just doesn’t give the East Bay enough love, so we’re always delighted when our readers send us something from Alameda or Contra Costa County.  Today’s featured listing is from one of the more rarified regions of CCC, but you’ll see that there’s nothing Real about this Bay Area bonanza.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Kim in the East Bay for this Danville domicile!

898 La Gonda Way
Danville, CA 94526
$619,500

3 Beds
1 Baths
1,112 Sq. Ft.
$557 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1953
Lot Size: —
On Redfin: 67 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Single-Family Home
County: Contra Costa
Community: Danville/San Ramon |
MLS#: 403322

Single family home on large level lot with 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, living room with fireplace, dining area, large kitchen, huge yard, 2 car garage parking.

 

Are we lost? This looks like something not from Danville, but maybe Connecticut.  Bricks, autumn foliage, and what could pass for aluminum siding; all we need are some shooting ranges in those woods over the back fence.  And that spare prose is pure Yankee, other than the outburst about the huge yard.  So huge the lot size isn’t even provided (9583 sf, even that’s more East Coast than East Bay).

Maybe we’re not lost but this house is. The price has been reduced twice, and the agent couldn’t be bothered to clean up before taking the listing pix.  Even the dog carrier stays.

Did we mention location, location, location?

Like photos? So do we!  And this pimped-out property has powerful pix!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Tracy Tea House for finding us this Cambrian casa. It may not have “Honey, stop the car!” curb appeal or “Can I hire your decorator” staging, but for all we know this listing was photographed by Herb Ritts.

5639 Park Manor Dr
San Jose, CA 95118
$645,000

• MLS/Source ID: 81301959
• 4 Bedrooms
• 2 Bathrooms
• 1,486 sqft
• Single-Family Home
• Lot Size: 6,098 sqft
• Neighborhood: Cambrian
• 14 Days on Trulia
• 289 views

5639 Park Manor Dr ADORABLE 4BEDROOM/2BATH HOME WITH GUADALUPE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL! Refinished hardwood floors* all new interior paint including the kitchen cabinets & hall vanity* new faucets, mirrors, light bars, vinyl floor & baseboards in master & hall bath* new vanity in master bath* new family room carpet* all new satin nickel interior doorknobs* new dishwasher & faucet* nice play structure* & NEW ROOF.

Tracy says this listing is OMG.  If a picture is worth a thousand words, then it’s definitely tl;dr. 

Bunus: Super-ultra-extra redundant power lines!  Lots of them, so convenient!

Today’s building is not only in soooo prestigious Woodside (home of the record-breaking $117.5 million property sale), it’s got a look that makes it so much more than merely a trophy home.  Plus it’s just steps away from cosmopolitan Redwood City!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer for this superb structure.

240 CINNABAR Rd
Woodside, CA 94062
$14,800,000

4 Beds
5 Baths
8,669 Sq. Ft.
$1,707 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1991
Lot Size: 3.01 Acres
On Redfin: 131 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 3
Community: Woodside Hills
MLS#: 81235457
Style: Contemporary
View: Bay, City Lights
County: San Mateo

MODERN HIGH-TECH HOME ON 3+ PRIVATE ACRES WITH SWEEPING VIEWS OF SF BAY, EAST BAY HILLS & STANFORD. 2-STORY LR W/ WALLS OF GLASS ORIENTED TOWARD THE VIEW; FLOATING STAIRCASE, FULLY CUSTOMIZED LIBRARY AND OFFICE; 4 BED PLUS 2 MULTI-ROOM APTS; ELEVATOR; 21 KW SOLAR SYSTEM, UNDERGROUND GARAGE; 12′ CEILINGS IN BASEMENT; GROUNDS W/ INFINITY POOL, SPA, TERRACES, PLAYGROUND, PUTTING GREEN, FIREPIT

12’ CEILINGS IN BASEMENT? Unless there’s a squash court in there, why would you need the basement floors so deep?  Was this a former mausoleum but they’re just not copping to it?

And have a good look at the aerial shot: as PG so aptly notes, all those smaller lots are Redwood City in your backyard.  Don’t worry, despite bordering your property, they can’t get to your street.

It’s the FLOATING STAIRCASE that scares them away.

Let’s finish out our workweek (not that Real Bay Area denizens ever would take a day off) with a place on the way to almost anywhere you’d like to go this weekend.  That is, if you didn’t have a job and were free to go somewhere besides work.  You never know, you might get a Sunday off when you meet your next milestone! (Just kidding!)

785 5TH Ave
San Bruno, CA 94066
$379,000

2 Beds
1 Baths
780 Sq. Ft.
$486 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1930
Lot Size: 6,633 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 1 day
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Community: Belle Air
MLS#: 81302815
Stories: 1
County: San Mateo

Two Bedrooms One bathroom House on a large lot. Currently occupied by Month to month tenants. Need TLC. Close to Freeway and transportation.

Needs Toilet Lid Crushed?  Unfortunately no crapper shots, but we have some winners anyway.  Can’t quite decide if the kitchen merits a Good Housekeeping Tag of Approval or not.

And when this agent said close to freeway, she meant it.  Dang, this place is close to absolutely EVERYTHING.

You could even make extra money taking overflow parking during Thanksgiving!  No wonder the front yard is so durable.

Bunus: Save $10,000 from August, 2011 asking price!

Today we have a real purty property in Portola Valley.  You know how we love expensive crap? Just crossing into this high-falutiin’ district will make your wallet squirm.  It’s expensive here even if the land doesn’t have a house.  So for this low (for PV) price, you know today’s feature will be good.  That is, if by “good” we mean something not so good.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer for this find.

211 WAYSIDE Rd
Portola Valley, CA 94028
$1,499,000

3 Beds
2 Baths
2,340 Sq. Ft.
$641 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1925
Lot Size: 0.41 Acres
On Redfin: 190 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Santa Maria/Russell Area
MLS#: 81227542
Style: Contemporary
View: Neighborhood
County: San Mateo

There are no remarks available.

Take it away, PG:

No wonder people outside the Bay Area think we are insane. Even with a Ferrari in the garage (picture #18), I can’t see the value in that one.

Sometimes, when life hands a real estate agent lemons, it’s best to keep one’s mouth shut. The eager buyer will bring the water, sugar and ice — then beg to be sold lemonade.