Let’s start the week with another drop-dead multimillion dollar property in San Jose. Wait, um, San Jose?

1631 UNIVERSITY Way
San Jose, CA 95126
$3,595,000

5 Beds
4.5 Baths
5,959 Sq. Ft.
$603 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1951
Lot Size: 0.48 Acres
On Redfin: 2 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
County: Santa Clara
Style: Traditional
Community: Central San Jose MLS#: 81315965

UNPRECEDENTED LOCATION & STYLE IN PREMIER ROSEGARDEN NEIGHBORHOOD~THIS HOME WILL TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY~DESIGNED & REMODELED BY DEMATTEI WITH AWARD WINNING ARCHITECTUAL DETAILS & DESIGN~UNPARALLED INDOOR OUTDOOR LIVING~POOL, CABANA, SPORT COURT~COVERED LOGGIA, OUTDOOR KITCHEN, FLAGSTONE PATIOS & WALKWAYS. IMMERSE YOURSELF IN LUXURY. YOU TRULY FEEL LIKE YOU ARE IN A RESORT~PERFECT ENTERTAINER’S PROPERTY.

Are three and a half million dollar luxury homes in San Jose now a thing? This isn’t anywhere near Google. But at least we get to break out the Red Arrow Kit again.

Also, this house has earned the Burbed Jackson Pollock Photography Award (and good on you if you already knew that Pollock was not known for shutterbugging) for Hitting the Dial Religiously.

So many times we hear the refrain, “I would love to buy a house, but I can’t afford anything.  It’s just too expensive here.” And so many times we have found affordable houses that YOU could go and buy.  Today we have yet another exciting opportunity for YOU, the would-be homeowner.  Just imagine yourself watering your very own lawn!  Or even better, your very own Rose Garden!

1951 FOREST Ave
San Jose, CA 95128
$350,000

1 Beds
1 Baths
525 Sq. Ft.
$667 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1915
Lot Size: 3,600 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 70 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Community: Central San Jose
MLS#: 81241926

This home is located in the desirable Rose Garden neighborhood. Needs a lot of work. Not livable now. Contractor’s special. Located on a 3,600 square foot lot. Has a lot of potential. Great opportunity for someone looking to move into a fantastic area.

This property is Special for a number of reasons, and we don’t just mean for Contractors.

That’s a Streetview shot on this property listing.  The realtard didn’t even bother cropping it a little to strip out the Google logo.  It also, LUCKY YOU, conveniently fell out of contract just a couple of weeks ago, and is relisted at the same attractive price. 

Speaking of attractive, let’s swing that Streetview camera just a little to the right (below).  While the white truck is intriguing, the station wagon is vehicular WIN.  And from the satellite shot on the left, we can see exactly why this is such an attractive proposition: this looks like a Hoarder House.  Can you imagine what sorts of “bunus” loot awaits the lucky buyer of this affordable home that wears its 98 years proudly?

Bunus Specialtude: This home has been featured as the cover photo of our brand new Facebook Page for a couple of days.  Keep checking over there for new cover photos, and play “Find That Crapbox!”

Want a house in the lovely Rose Garden area of San Jose?  So do a lot of people!  Central location, big houses on beautiful lots… what’s not to like?  Tracy Tea House found a real goodie that shows every rule has an exception, and every good neighborhood has some Fail.

Now this property is gone,  It’s not on Redfin at all, nor on Movoto even, and Trulia says it’s off-market.  Guess who still has it.  Zillow.

1135 Yosemite Ave
San Jose, CA 95126
$699,000

Beds: 2
Baths: 2
Sqft: 2,868
Lot: 13,068 sq ft / 0.30 acres
Type: Single Family
Year built: 1922
Parking: —
Cooling: Central
Heating: Forced air
Fireplace: –

Spacious floor plan on a large lot. Tons of potential to add bedrooms if needed. Charming home located in the Historic Rose Garden area. Formal dining room with plenty of natural light, living room with wood burning fireplace, separate family room looking out into backyard and pool. Perfect for entertaining. Hardwood floors, A/C, side yard with space for boat or RV parking.

Here’s what Tracy had to say about this find.

The price on this house keeps dropping like a stone. I looked at it a few times over the years and it is a great old place, full of charm. Except it has location FAIL. It is located at the corner of Yosemite and Race, famous for the prostitution ring, busted across the street. Shares a wall with a Mexican restaurant parking lot, and is down the street  from the “water Garden.”  If only it was located a few more blocks into the Rose garden.. Sigh..

Looks like we had best get some pictures up before Zillow gets a friendly visit from the wild and crazy lawyers who work for MLS.  They even have a much better front view than the one they led with.

There are several higher-resolution photos of an empty house.  This is a photographer who loves the interplay of light.  See these and more photos after the break.

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Howdy again from your newest guest editor, sonarrat. Today, I’d like to talk with you a little bit about style and fashion. San Jose is known worldwide as an innovative city. We have more patents per capita than anywhere else in the world and are a Mecca for the high-tech industry. What we’re not known for, though, is having a strong cultural influence. The downtown movie theater is struggling, our music scene is fledgling at best, and for such a large city, the options for truly great dining are very limited. However, today’s house has a spark of the creative, the daring, and the unconventional. That’s why I’ve chosen to feature it today.

2052 Alameda Way, San Jose, CA 95126
$899,900

Beds: 4
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 2,414
$/Sq. Ft.: $373
Lot Size: 7,498 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Style: Spanish
Stories: 2
View: Mountains, Neighborhood
Year Built: 1925
Community: Central San Jose
County: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81112924
Source: MLSListings
Status: Active
On Redfin: 8 days

Awesome Spanish Villa. A Little of Past, A lot of Contemporary Features & Upgrades. You’ll Love to Entertain in Designer Kitchen: Solid Copper Counter Tops, Viking Professional Range, Top Custom Cabinets of Solid Honduran Mahogany, Tasteful Island of Honed Emperado Dark Marble, Shaw’s Orig. Sink (Ireland), Honed Travertine Floors. Mahogany Cased Custom Windows. .. too many features to list. Come By!

Are you excited yet? Overwhelmed? Maybe a little woozy? Let’s break this listing down. It’s a Spanish villa just steps from El Royal Road, so you know what to expect: fussy shrubberies, broad-leaved trees, windows that will cost more to replace than your BMW, and, of course, a white deer. Fascinating. In terms of old-world touches, we have a throwback to the 1800’s in the form of a copper countertop. In France, hammered copper used to be quite a favored material in the kitchen. It was cheap and easy to mold using simple hand tools; no hot work was required. However, one does have to question the utilitarian value and the durability of a polished copper counter. Will it turn green like an old penny? Not to matter: the impermanence of the material is part of its character.

Despite the name, most Honduran mahogany is now harvested from South Asia due to the American market being crippled by restrictions in the 1990s. This Fijian Honduran mahogany contrasts boldly with the yellow, white, stainless steel, cream, marble, glass, and darker woods in the kitchen. You may call it confused; I call it inspired.

Unfortunately, while the bathroom begs an explanation – that sink appears to be perfectly shaped so that the door won’t hit it – the listing agent decided to stop listing features at this point. In fact, he neglected to mention the house’s best feature, so I’d like to just point it out: you don’t have to keep this wonderful house all to yourself. In fact, the whole wide world comes right to your backyard. What better way to inspire a new generation of San Joseans to follow you off the beaten path than to put your individuality on display? I salute you, house!