Many thanks to Burbed reader Tom Paine for this superb spread in Sebastopol. This listing proves the old adage that any house that wins a major architectural award will be selling quickly. That’s not to lock in a high price in confirmation of its awesomeness. That’s because award-winning houses usually aren’t very livable.
SQ. FT.: 3,750
$/SQ. FT.: $587
LOT SIZE: 5.28 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Residential, Detached, Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary, Modern/Hi-Tech
VIEW: Hills, Orchard, Ridge, Valley, Vineyard
YEAR BUILT: 2006
ON REDFIN: 16 days
Architecturally Organic. Spectacular Dwell Cover home. Winning an AIA award in 2006, being in numerous publications and magazines, one will quickly realize what a truly special property this is. 4br/3ba main house, 1br/1ba legal second unit, radiant heat, solar heated salt water pool, pinot vineyard, lavender field, 100yr old apple orchard, certified organic property. Concrete and glass structures with woodwork from old red wine barrels.
Here’s why Tom Paine sent this property in:
The fireplace is huge, at least 8 feet across with lots of soot stains and a motorized spit that looks perfect for roasting any neighborhood kids you caught on the lawn two at a time. It’s colder than an ex wife’s smile. It won awards, probably for the imaginative use of straight lines which combine to form squares and rectangles. Whoever this was built for was happy with it and I don’t want to meet them in a sunny alley let alone a dark one.
When we hear the word “Dwell,” our word association response is always Unhappy Hipsters. After seeing this property, it’s going to be “Unhappy Hipsters with organic red wine barrels.”
Or maybe “bunker in a vineyard.” Seriously, What. The. Fuck. Because when we hear the word “Sebastopol” our usual associations are more like “Gravenstein apples” or “meth lab” or “killer weed, dude.” But not “100 tons of poured concrete.”
And definitely not “Please enter the Launch Key Sequence after confirming with your superior officer that the Authorization Codes have been verified with NORAD.”
But first, let’s pick a hundred bushels of apples and then we’re going to stomp on today’s pinot harvest in old red wine barrels.
Wash your feet before running through the lavender field.
Hoe. Lee. Crap. Even the backyard patio looks as menacing as possible. The two yellow chairs are going to double-team anyone who sits in a white one or turns their back.
Have you ever seen a property listing before that contains the words “concrete and glass structures” but also uses “organic” twice? This is just too easy. Did some of these listings came straight from The Onion?