September 16, 2011

If you can’t jump in the lake, go jump off a cliff

Today’s listing is from frequent Guest Blogger and occasional Guest Editor sfbubblebuyer!  Thanks very much for this awesome property in, where else, Redwood City! 

The agent isn’t sure if it’s in “Emerald Hills” or Cordilleras Heights, but it’s that specialized knowledge, such as what neighborhood a given house is in, that explains why these professionals split a $60,000 fee to help buy or sell a million dollar piece of property.


For the first time ever, we have truth in advertising. At least truth in advertising on a street name. I present 503 Edgecliff Way.

 

503 EDGECLIFF Way, Redwood City, CA 94062
$995,000

image

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2.5
SQ. FT.: 3,100
$/SQ. FT.: $321
LOT SIZE: 7,744 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Bay
YEAR BUILT: 1989
COMMUNITY: Cordilleras Heights
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81126139
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 85 days

Contemporary style modern home in Emerald Hills with highly desirable upgrades. Cherry & granite kitchen, contemporary lighting, large walk-in master closet w/ built-ins, double decks & patio, large back yard w/ beautiful landscaping, 2 car garage with built in storage, extra storage below house, extra room below house to build an in-law. Plus, a majestic view of the bay!

imageYou know you’re buying quality when you can bungee jump from your own driveway! They even conveniently sloped the driveway towards the house so that you will be alerted to heavy rainstorms by water flowing across your garage floor.

Or perhaps, if you’re more theatrically inclined, you could stage a neighborhood play of Romeo And Juliet since your front door is on it’s own balcony! How romantic! And you want character? Well, this fake-Spanish house comes with it’s very own OCTAGONAL WINDOW! Whoa! Don’t put a ball through that, you don’t want to know what it’ll cost to replace!

imageEnough of the outside! Inside we’ve got our standard granite, but blinged up a bit with Cherry! It comes with a wine fridge located right next to the oven, because cooling and heating devices next to each other screams "I have so much money I don’t care about thermodynamics!"

imageAnd what is this? A bathroom with all black fixtures? If you plan on using it for the help, don’t worry, they won’t be offended. The sink has built in cawluhms to class up the joint!

Comments (12) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:03 am






September 1, 2011

Please make sure all doors are locked and lights off when leaving

Here’s a house direct from comments by Burbed reader (and occasional Guest Editor) sfbubblebuyer.

 

805 MOHICAN Way, Redwood City, CA 94062
$675,000

image

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 1,330
$/SQ. FT.: $508
LOT SIZE: 7,500 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Cottage/Bungalow
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Bay, Neighborhood, City Lights
YEAR BUILT: 1952
COMMUNITY: Cordilleras Heights
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81135848
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 9 days

Great little single level, 1330 sq. ft, 3bdrm/1ba bungalow in Emerald Hills w/ pool. Tiny peak of bay. Roy Cloud School around corner. Location and price make this a winner! This home would be fabulous with some updating! CAR FORMS ONLY PLEASE. Please make sure all doors are locked and lights off when leaving.

Here’s what sfbb had to say about this house:

imageThat whole tract [area around Stony Hill Road] is picked clean right now. There were some SERIOUS crapfests that I was sure weren’t going to sell. Of course, the worst offenders have disappeared without being marked as ‘sold’ so I’m sure they’ll be back.

Here’s a house for you in the general area, a short sale listed for less than the 1999 sale price.As you can see, this piping hot potato was passed many times before it decided to burn the bejeebus out of the current holders. That’s gonna leave a mark!

No need to water your own lawn, either, all the water’s in the pool!

imageI’ve heard that school district is one of the most important priorities people have in buying a property, but including this photo (right) is ridiculous.

We got a Redfin agent tour on this place, too!  Let’s see how they’ll help us find our perfect home this time.

image

Agent listing descriptions sometimes reveal things they don’t mean to, such as the last line implying the housing price adventure is lurching toward its lonely conclusion.  Lock up and lights out, people.  And that other phrase: Tiny peak of bay.  This place for $875K was a tiny peak all right. A tiny peak price.

image

The bank can accept or decline your offer, even if your overbidding brings the price up to where it should be.  After all, it doesn’t want to get stiffed on the last house of the Mohican.

Comments (11) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:06 am

August 15, 2011

Comes with its own Watchtower!

Here’s a fascinating find from frequent Burbed Reader and occasional Guest Editor sfbubblebuyer!  Too bad I couldn’t run this sooner, as this may have been the ideal house for watching Game of Thrones on HBO!

Please give a big, warm, Real Bay Area welcome to sfbubblebuyer, who will be telling you all about this amazing home in Redwood City!


Do you love fantasy novels and have more money than sense? Then you will will LOVE 3637 McNulty way!

 

3676 MCNULTY Way, Redwood City, CA 94061
$1,325,000

image

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2.5
SQ. FT.: 2,720
$/SQ. FT.: $487
LOT SIZE: 0.34 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Cape Cod
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Bay, Canyon, City Lights
YEAR BUILT: 1958
COMMUNITY: Farm Hills Estates
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81127645
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 53 days

Custom rebuilt to studs in 2000, oversized lot, quiet neighbor, no though fare, over 30 trees in back yard provide privacy, from the rear deck all you see are trees. Back yard is terraced down to year round creek with a Gazebo. MBR on top floor with balcony overlooking bay area, features a steam shower for 2, 2 shower heads and 7 body washers, Cat 5 wiring, surround sound to all rooms & outside.

imageThis house has it all! An over-a-million price tag! Excessive exterior lighting! Giant jetted tub! Steam shower! Granite… wait, I don’t see any granite. But wait! IT MAKES US FOR THAT WITH A GODDAMN GAZEBO WATCHTOWER!

imageThat’s right! You can be alerted to trouble (in the form of jealous rentard neighbors who want your luscious tile floors for themselves) early with a commanding view from your Gazebo! Of course, to get said commanding view, you need to cut down the 30+ trees on your lot. But with that wood you could build palisades and catapults to go with your watchtower! You’d pay back all those crummy kids who wouldn’t let you play King Of The Hill because you were so nerdy you were destined for an average tech job making not a lot of money by bay area standards!

HUZZAH! LONG LIVE THE KING (of Redwood City)! LONG LIVE THE KING (of Redwood City)!

Comments (9) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:01 am

August 5, 2011

If it ain’t white, it ain’t right!

Submitted for your viewing pleasure by Burbed reader (and recently promoted Guest Editor) sfbbubblebuyer, this Redwood City redoubt was just delisted from Redfin, but I found the pictures here.  I suspect they won’t remain long, so I’m sharing them all.  And here it is on the agent’s site, just in case.

514 Sapphire St Redwood City, CA 94062
$859,000

image

Posted 12 days ago

Status:
Price: $859,000
Bedrooms: 3
Baths: 2
Home Type: Single Family
Style: Traditional
Living Area: 1,870 sq. ft.
Price/Sq Ft: $459.36/sq. ft.
Features: Neighborhood View
Garage: 2 Garage Spaces
Attached
Listing #: 81130307
Year Built: 1966

This listing is courtesy of Brian Chancellor from Sereno Group.

Lovely light & bright family home that boasts a layout that is ideal for entertaining with a large park-like rear yard with a view of the western hills. Conveniently located near downtown Redwood City, Sequoia Station, & Caltrain.

image

image 

imageimage imageimage

image

image

Comments (22) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:03 am

July 1, 2011

Too Late! Charming House in Redwood City You Can’t Have

burbedguestbloggerHere’s another terrific submission from Burbed reader sfbubblebuyer, who takes the front page again today as Guest Blogger.  We’re going back to one of our favorite sources for the quintessential Burbed residence: Redwood City!  Alas, the house has sold since it was submitted, but it’s still worth admiring!

Please give sfbubblebuyer your best, warmest Real Bay Area welcome!


677 HAMPSHIRE Ave, Redwood City, CA 94063
$249,900

image

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 1.5
SQ. FT.: 1,080
$/SQ. FT.: $231
LOT SIZE: 5,000 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Cottage/Bungalow
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1940
COMMUNITY: Dumbarton
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81058792
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Sold

Open and bright home with well used space. Formal entry/foyer, living room is spacious, eat-in family kitchen, nicely fenced with a gated long driveway leading to detached garage. Location is convenient and close to school and school grounds. Good opportunity to own a home.

imageThe best thing about this piece of crap is that TWO Redfin agents have toured it. One notes the mold in the bedrooms which is easily visible in the photos, and the other one notes a “shed-like structure in backyard.” Not a shed, a shed-like structure. OoooOOOH! What a mystery!

I must find out more about this shed-like structure! Perhaps it is the entrance to Batman’s west-coast secret base! Maybe it conceals a nuclear missile launch bay! Who knows? Because it’s not a shed, but a SHED-LIKE STRUCTURE!

image

imageIf we move on to the listing agent, they want to make it absolutely clear that not only is this house close to the a school, it’s also close to the ground on which the school is located!

What a relief! I was afraid this house was in some Esheresque void in Redwood City where you can reach up and touch the school, but to get to the GROUNDS, you needed to climb dozens of space warping staircases to navigate your way there.

 

Comments (10) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:12 am

June 2, 2011

Five Years of Circling the Drain

Who here doesn’t love overpriced crapboxes?  Anyone?  Of course we all do!  Overpriced crapboxes are what makes Burbed Burbed!  And today’s listing is not just an overpriced crapbox, but an overpriced crapbox with a mystery!  And you will NEVER guess where it is!

Thanks very much to Burbed reader sfbubblebuyer, who has a house to sell you.  Or maybe it’s a house to stay away from.  I just know that buy it or drive 25 miles in the other direction, you will not forget this place.

2504 EMMETT Way, East Palo Alto, CA 94303
$575,000

image

BEDS: 5
BATHS: 4
SQ. FT.: 1,620
$/SQ. FT.: $355
LOT SIZE: 5,060 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1956
COMMUNITY: East of U.S. 101
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81110691
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 84 days

5 BEDROOMS, 4 BATHS, 2 CAR ATTACHED GARAGE, CENTRAL FORCED AIR HEATING, FENCED YARD. UPGRADED WITH DUAL PANE WINDOWS, ETC.

image

Here’s what sfbubblebuyer had to say about this house:

I was going to post this to compare its crackerbox joylessness with the current crackerbox from Mountain View, but thought the listing history might deserve a post all of its own. I’m HOPING you know some people with access to the MLS for listing histories, because Redfin only shows it redacted, and Zillow seems to be ignoring the old listings history, but check this bad boy out.

image

image

image

imageOn sale since 2006, and they’re still in denial! It’ll be their 5 year anniversary of chasing the market down on the 26th. Oh man, I want the juicy listing data to see where these geniuses started at and how they overplayed their hand for 5 years. How the hell do you try and sell in 2006 and FAIL? SERIOUSLY? They must have priced this bitch at 1.2 million or something to start!

Okay, sfbb, I feel your pain.  And I found this:

image

imageLook!  It’s the same agent as now, all the way back in 2008, and the asking price was only $120K more.  Why, $120K wouldn’t even cover an East Palo Alto down payment in 2006.

Maybe this place was where they put the melamine in the milk products, or where our former Governor met up with bimbettes who weren’t classy enough to merit the Sacramento Hyatt Regency.

Comments (20) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:07 am

May 24, 2011

Pending five times? Is there a portal to hell in the basement?

burbedguestbloggerWell, you Burbed readers are a tough crowd.  I’ve been recovering from a nasty bout of fever, so I dialed in a quickie Open Houses and Open Thread on Sunday.  You guys, I swear!  I don’t think any column in Burbed ever got 5 negative votes before.  Even a listing credited to a commenter who collects thumbs downs the way East San Jose collects foreclosures did better than that!  

Good thing Burbed reader sfbubblebuyer sent in a great listing with commentary ready to go, so I can hide under the covers in my depreciating former RBA house until the recession is over.  Keep those contributions coming in, it means the zip code entries will be put off a long, long time!

Please give sfbubblebuyer a big, warm Real Bay Area welcome with today’s Guest Post from beautiful downtown Burbank San Carlos!


885 SUNSET Dr, San Carlos, CA  94070
$749,000

image

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 1,610
$/SQ. FT.: $465
LOT SIZE: 8,100 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Bay, City Lights
YEAR BUILT: 1957
COMMUNITY: Beverly Terrace
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81008742
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending With Release
ON REDFIN: 452 days

INCREDIBLE GARDENERS PARADISE. SPACIOUS 2 LEVEL HOME FEATURING 2 SEPARATE LIVING AREAS COMPLETE W/ 2 FULL KITCHENS. 4 bed/3 bath (1bed/1bath is a studio) IDEAL FOR LARGE OR EXTENDED FAMILY. PANORAMIC BAY VIEWS FROM BOTH LEVELS. HUGE SOLAR POOL-MULTI LEVEL REDWOOD DECKS. GORGEOUS NEIGHBORHOOD. DECK HAS BUILT IN/CUSTOM BBQ GRILL. RECESSED LIGHTING. GREAT AMBIANCE. EMAIL ONLY joyadeeb@gmail. com

imageThis house is a short sell WAY below the prices of other houses in San Carlos, yet it has fallen out of escrow four times. (It’s in escrow again! Let’s see how long THIS one lasts.) Why would it be falling out of escrow when it’s almost not-a-lot-of-money less than other houses in the neighborhood? Nearby houses range from 1.1 to 1.6 million! Clearly there is a gaping portal to hell disgorging denizens of the netherworld into the house’s crawlspace! Or perhaps it has foundation issues that would make Bill Murray’s makeup artist blanch with fear. Perhaps Gilbert Gottfried lives in the house next door?

image

imageWhatever the reason, this house is slowly crushing the current owner’s balance sheet into a fine paste. Now’s the chance to buy it, slap in some mawbahl cawlums and flip it for 1.5! Get busy! I mean, think of all the flat screen televisions you could have! And you’d finally have the confidence to start that harem you’ve always wanted! BUY BUY BUY!

(But be sure to keep the Ghostbuster’s number handy in case that portal to hell thing turns out to be true.)

Comments (18) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:02 am

May 9, 2011

OH MY GOD CAWLUHMS!

burbedguestbloggerPlease welcome sfbubblebuyer back to the front page with one of our favorite Burbed memes: Mawbul Kawlums!  The only real shame about today’s house is how incredibly tiny the pictures are, although there are more on the virtual tour.

Please give sfbb your best Real Bay Area Welcome as today’s Guest Blogger!



30 FOX HILL Rd, Woodside, CA 94062
$4,750,000

image

BEDS: 5
BATHS: 4.5
SQ. FT.: 5,300
$/SQ. FT.: $896
LOT SIZE: 6.47 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Colonial
STORIES: 3
VIEW: Bay
YEAR BUILT: 1988
COMMUNITY: Skywood Area
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81117642
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 17 days

Absolutely gorgeous traditional style 5 bed/4.5 bath home with Bay and city views. This very charming custom home has been featured in many magazines. Warm fir floors, tall multi-paned windows, fine molding details and a wonderful floor plan are some of the many features of this exceptional home. The property is set on 6.47 acres and is minutes from Woodside town center.

Check it out! DOUBLE DECKER COLUMNS! Clearly this is a house of style and sophistication. Surely you can imagine having a ‘coming out’ party for your debutante daughter at this glorious estate! She could pull an ‘upper decker’ and wave to guests from the second story balcony flanked by not two, but FOUR glorious columns, with another four below her to hold her aloft on her princess pedestal!

imageThe listing agent also has taste and discretion by omitting pictures of the kitchen. Only the help see the kitchen. We’d rather not sully ourselves by crossing over a thresh-hold into an area where manual labor might be in progress! And note the profusion of windows to keep those lazy maids at work! Maybe you could hire one of the local urchins to smudge the windows for you to make sure the maids never have a moment to spare! Idle hands are the devil’s playthings and all that.

imageSpeaking of idle hands, you won’t have to worry about yours being idle as you laze around your pool ordering the butlers to march back and forth between the house and your chaise refreshing your lemonade and Southern Comfort. It really is amazing how hard you have to work to keep the household humming along. In fact, you better send the chauffeur out to pick up some more brandy. The Chesterwicks are coming over for a couple of rubbers of bridge tonight. It’s a pity you can’t get them interested in a PROPER card game like whist. Ah well, such is the life of the landed gentry in America.

Comments (8) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:05 am

May 3, 2011

Still Gorgeous

Thanks very much to sfbubblebuyer for today’s featured listing.  Does it look familiar?  It should.

2524 Dekoven Ave, Belmont CA  94002
$949,000

image

 

BEDS: 3
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,480
$/SQ. FT.: $641
LOT SIZE: 7,900 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Bay, Neighborhood, City Lights
YEAR BUILT: 1949
COMMUNITY: Haskins Estates
COUNTY: San Mateo
MLS#: 81114658
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 28 days

4 years new. Still gorgeous. High ceilings, gourmet kitchen, level lot, secluded, serene, private. Area for dog run, children play yard, RV/boat parking, etc.

imageHere’s what sfbubblebuyer had to say about this listing:

It’s BAAAAAAAAAACK!

Hey, the house that caused a 210 post-war… is BACK ON THE MARKET!

Surprisingly, it never sold at 1.05 million. Shocking, I know. Zillow lets us know they stared out at 1.14 million. After 3 years of watching housing tank they think that their precious house suffered a terrible loss of almost 17% and they’re now offering it for $949k. How generous of them! While other markets suffered 30-60% losses, Belmont is so special that 17% is a gift to the buyer!

It’ll be interesting to see if they manage to move the house this time. If the bought it for 750 and truly ripped it down to the studs, they’re probably selling it at ‘cost’ now. 200k for redoing everything in a house plus the outside seems about right. Unless you live somewhere non-special, where 200k would buy you a 3,000 sq foot new build.

I don’t think you understand this Spring Bounce idea, sfbb,  You see, prices in the RBA always go up.  Guaranteed.  That’s why this house is shaped the way it is:

2524DEKOVEN Up Arrow

I sure hope this place is still staged.  That would mean the show’s been running for three years!

Comments (6) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:03 am

April 14, 2011

Beautiful Ecchler, I mean Eichler, with Pool. Or something that starts with Poo.

Here’s a great find by Burbed reader sfbubblebuyer, from the comments.  Usually we prefer that you send listings to us so everyone can enjoy discovering it together, but sometimes a shared find is so notable, so amazing, so completely without any value to a buyer but lots of value to a reader, it deserves the full Burbed treatment.  And there’s plenty to note here!

2115 EDGEWOOD Dr, Palo Alto, CA 94303
$850,000

image

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,614
$/SQ. FT.: $527
LOT SIZE: 7,875 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1VIEW:
Neighborhood YEAR BUILT: 1956
COMMUNITY: Green Gables
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81113857
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 5 days

beautiful eichler home * Great value * Backs to the exit from 101 to Embarcadero. Make offer subject to inspection please. ..

Here’s what sfbubblebuyer had to say about this “beautiful eichler home.”  It was not “* Great value *”

If they’re going to drop a deuce like that on us, they should at least PRICE it like a PA deuce.

 

This isn’t a deuce, sfbb!  This one is at least an eight, as in I sure would eight to live here!  Wow, complete with an exit ramp?  I can’t wait to submit my overbid.

image

imageBut wait, there’s more!

All those lines, the wall, the ceiling, the radiator, the fence… it’s a perspective exercise from hell.  Agent must have flunked out of art school.

You know who else didn’t finish art school?  That’s right!  HITLER!

image

 

 

…the drawers, the tiles, the transoms, make it stop, I’ll tell you where the secret codes are kept, I’ll confess anything you want…

 

image

Did this agent not take Real Estate Photography for Dummies* and Why You Should Never Photograph Outside When Sun Is High?

Plus a US Mailbox, conveniently located right in the backyard!

*But I repeat myself.

 

image

Whoa.  That carpet, so suggestive of Bermuda.  If Bermuda’s waters were cut on 90 degree angles and careless aligned.  And what’s with the sky in these pictures?  Did someone take a 2 hour Real Estate Photography and How to Use Photoshop to Make That Sale instead of the full 16 hour series?

 

image

 

Rather nice of them to show us the pool without the Bermuda carpet.  Everybody in!

 

image

 

Ah, blissful summer days, playing Marco Polo until the all the ponies drowned.

Seeing the pool like this sure gives you a whole new perspective on the pleasures of owning one.

 

image

 

I think this last photo is my favorite.  Note clever product placement in foreground.

You know what? This house isn’t a deuce and it an eight either.  This is a Jack!

As in, would somebody please take a Jackhammer to this place?

Comments (57) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:05 am