It’s Friday! That means here comes your weekend, so we’d like to present a great location for a Silicon Valley stay-cation!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Swan for sending this one in before the A to Z challenge (THANK GAWD THAT’S OVER IT WAS HARSHING OUR CRAPBOXEN). Fortunately the property is still very much on the market.

18157 WAGNER Rd
Los Gatos, CA 95032
$7,499,000

5 Beds
8 Baths
8,517 Sq. Ft.
$880 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1999
Lot Size: 25 Acres
On Redfin: 45 days
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: Tri-Level
Community: Los Gatos/Monte Sereno
MLS#: 81308591
Style: Traditional
View: Mountains, Canyon, Valley, City Lights
County: Santa Clara

Spectacular transformation! Vastly improved property from two years ago. Complete remodel of existing home with added sq footage, brand new 3100sf toy barn/garage, new 800sf pool house cabana w 500+sf covered patio, over an acre of new cabernet vines, bocce ball court, lacrosse field/sport court, wine cellar, 3car garage, workout facility, 600sf storage rm, outdoor entertaining paradise w pool!!!!

Let’s check in with Swan on this swank setting:

I have many properties I’ve been planning to send you, but I came across the following this morning and it rose to the top of the list:

At first, I thought I’d submit this home because of the realtard’s line, "Vastly improved property from two years ago." What is that realtor speak for?  Then, in looking at the pictures, I realized I’d seen this somewhere before!  

Yes, a finished home is a vast improvement!  Landscaping helps too!  From the pictures, it seems someone has been living there. The listing history goes on… Be sure to check out photo number 24 of the storage room.  An 8500 square foot home and you need 600 square feet of storage?  The current occupants have sure put the storage room to good use!

Have at it…

Yes, this place looks familiar, doesn’t it?  Or maybe not, since they finished painting and put all those ladders in the 600 square foot storage room.  It sold in May, 2011, for $5.75 million, and these listing photos look a little different than what we covered here.

Although we miss the ladders.  Made the place look like part of an Edgar Martins exhibition.

Also, we found the before before pictures.  Don’t miss them (kitchen pictured at left).  They might have asked for $3.95M that round, but they got $1.8.  You really have to check out the property history, because before that it was foreclosed on, maybe even twice in two weeks, and before that it was listed for $7.8M.  Good luck figuring out if it sold for $5.6M, or $7M or both or neither!  This house and its grounds have been nothing but a big and very expensive game of Hot Potato going back all the way to 2000!

So, Burbed readers, why is this amazing estate still on the market after an eternity of 45 days? Do you think the flippers are waiting to collect even more overbids?  Now that would be an even happier ending.

Today’s featured property was sent in by Burbed reader Swan! Thanks very much for this wonderful Woodside win.  (Oh yeah, PENDING!!!!!!)

133 MARVA OAKS Dr
Woodside, CA 94062
Listed at $1,895,000

2 Beds 
2 Baths 
1,400 Sq. Ft.
$1,354 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1961 
Lot Size: 3.73 Acres 
On Redfin: 112 days
Status: Pending Without Release
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
Community: Central Woodside
MLS#: 81231887
Style: Contemporary
View: Canyon
County: San Mateo

Driveway is a slight downslope, house is on the flat, then another downslope on a road to a lower, larger flat pretty area. From there property does go down to Raymundo, but too much brush to walk.

We sure like this description of the property.  Here’s what Swan had to say about it.

Let’s start with the realtard listing 3.73 acres in Woodside for $2250.  Why I didn’t jump on the deal then, I’ll never know!  Suddenly, the price went up to $2,250,000 only to be reduced to $1,895,000.  Of course, the listing is pending! 

Anyway, how about the realtard’s description of the property.  Huh?  Say that again?  The Redfin agent seems to sum it up nicely:  fixer.  Oh, and be sure to check the satellite view in Google.  There’s a an RV (or something) with a lovely blue tarp over the top.And, on the back part of the property, a broken down vehicle along with that burned down barn.  I’m sure the surrounding mansions love living next door to the hillbillies!

Wait, what’s this about 3.73 acres for $2250?

Yowza.  And the Redfin agent?

She did not actually say “fixer.”  Just “open your wallet.”

We’ve featured a lot of flips on Burbed.  Today’s front-paged fortress is a flip, but that isn’t what brought it to our attention.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Swan for this luscious LOLapalooza in Los Altos!

1998 NEWCASTLE Dr
Los Altos, CA 94024
$1,498,000

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,700 Sq. Ft.
$881 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1956
Lot Size: 10,450 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 21 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Community: South of El Monte
MLS#: 81236495
Stories: 1
County: Santa Clara

Stunning one-of-a-kind home with custom details and top of the line finishes. Sits on huge corner lot, with room to expand in the future. Mahogany doors, windows and cabinets, travertine patios and flooring, hardwood planked flooring, marble bathroom surrounds, luscious backyard with fountain and room for entertaining. Great schools, close to freeways. This will be your dream estate!

“Dream estate” may be overstating things a little, especially when you get a look at the outside of the house.  Okay, overstating it a lot.  The inside of the redone house looks nice, but the outside is kind of meh.

But as far as the before pictures, go, this is a dream Burbed property.  Voilà!

1998 NEWCASTLE Dr
Los Altos, CA 94024
$1,025,000
Sold 6/22/12 for $1,015,000

3 Beds
2 Baths
1,698 Sq. Ft.
$598 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1956
Lot Size: 10,450 Sq. Ft.
Sold On: Jun 22, 2012
Status: Sold
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 1
County: Santa Clara
Style: Ranch
Community: South of El Monte
MLS#: 81217356

Fixer in beautiful neighborhood. Good bones within this 3 bedroom, 2 bath home that sits on a 10,000 + sq ft lot. Built in the ’50′s it has some charming features that just aren’t found in new construction today. Opportunity abounds.

Let’s listen in as Swan explains further:

Here’s a link to a house in Los Altos which sold last spring.  I meant to send it in as it deserves the Burbed Housekeeping Seal of Approval.  Love the wheelchair.  Love the basketballs on the floor.  Love the peeling paint on the outside of the house.

Of course someone bought the house, flipped it, and wants $1.5 million for it.

Definitely cleaned up and better looking than before.  However, if you look at street view of the old house, and the realtard’s pictures of the new house, don’t you think they re-used the garage door?  Really?  For all that effort, they couldn’t buy a new garage door?

The (old) Streetview peek is on the left.  Here’s an extreme close-up of the garage doors… after the break.  Plus more photos!

(more…)

Fire up your tardis and set the controls for two days ago, because there was an Open House on this Evergreen estate and you probably missed it!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader Swan for this bodacious botch-up.

3545 EDGEMAN Ct
San Jose, CA 95148
$6,399,999

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 2,699
$/SQ. FT.: $2,371
LOT SIZE: 0.26 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 2
YEAR BUILT: 1987
COMMUNITY: Evergreen
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81219851
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 22 days

Evergreen High School. Open house this Saturday, June 16, 2012, from 2-4pm. PRICE REDUCED 60K. BUYERS RUSH TO SEE THIS PROPERTY. EXCELLENT SCHOOLS. SPACIOUS 4 BEDROOM WITH 1 BEDROOM DOWNSTAIRS. AMAZING DEAL WILL NOT LAST. This is a shortsale with 1 lender only. Will close fast. PLEASE DO NOT CALL. FOR ANY QUESTIONS PLEASE EMAIL alexiatnguyen@gmail. com

Here’s what Swan has to say about THAT:

Really?  $6.3 million in Evergreen?  I think it will be around for awhile.

Talk about a typo.  Listed for $699K  on May 31, price changed to $6,399,999 on June 15.  That’s some price change!

Hope you get to see this before they correct it!

Correct it?  They’re lining up the armored cars for the outsized overbidding that’s going to result from this masterly marketing maneuver.  And it’s not as if this home price history hasn’t already experienced the thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat.

It’s participated in the run-up, peak, and bust of the previous real estate bubble, 3 sales within five years!  Now, after staying with the same owners for almost 20, it will be selling shortly.  Or at least it would if the realtard had counted how many nines she entered.

So here’s one last look at the house, courtesy of Google Streetview. Place your bets on how quickly the new price ends up in that trash bin.

Update: This amazing deal did not last.

Like any long-running blog, Burbed has developed a few inside jokes.  One of them is our fondness of the most important element in classical architecture.  That’s right.  Mawbul Kawlums.  (And if you haven’t seen this video yet, please go watch it, because it’s a classic.  Ha ha!  Classic, get it?) 

Ever since we featured this empty spec house, Burbed readers have asked for more homes in KawlumVision.  Today’s featured listing says “Break out the red arrows!”

Thanks very much to Burbed reader Swan for this super structure in Saratoga at an even more super price!

13815 PIERCE Rd
Saratoga, CA 95070
$6,988,000

BEDS: 6
BATHS: 5.5
SQ. FT.: 8,000
$/SQ. FT.: $874
LOT SIZE: 1.87 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Mediterranean
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Mountains
YEAR BUILT: 2008
COMMUNITY: Saratoga
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81215397
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 13 days

This elegant 8000+/- sf Italian Villa on 1.5+/- view acres will awaken all your senses. The elaborate paver driveway with 3 entrances leads you to a beautifully designed front steps and door. Great curb appeal! The 3 levels include an excellent open floor plan with 6 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms, Brasilian Cherry hardwood floors, marble bathrooms, spiral staircase, Best Anderson windows and More!

Here’s why Swan shared this home with all of you:

I am in mawbul kawlum heaven!

Kawlums in front, kawlums at the garage, kawlums in the entry hall, kawlums in the master bath, kawlums in back, kawlums at the gazebo!

Are there enough red arrows in the world for this home?

This house may very well have broken the Burbed KawlumVision generator, because there actually are kawlums hiding behind other kawlums.  We assure you that every single red arrow in the big picture above is pointing to a unique kawlum. It’s just that some of them are shy.

You can see the wallflower kawlums from this slightly different angle of the façade, available from this home’s virtual tour. Plus it also has the aforementioned garage kawlums. 

The MLS listing has 14 yummy pictures, many of them with kawlums to drool over.  But if you can’t get enough kawlumnage, plus more eye-popping “They put that in there?” you simply must check out the tour as well.  And bring your red arrows.

Remember, nothing says “Rich people live here” like mawbul kawlums.  Well, that and a $7 million listing price.

Somewhere in the Great Temporary Handover of This Site, there was a Twitter account with our name on it.  Unfortunately, it must have fallen between the couch cushions when we were rearranging the boxes of light bulbs and Drano.  That’s too bad, because Burbed reader Swan has found the perfect house  for those who need to make every letter count.

Please welcome Swan to the front page as today’s guest blogger with this compelling Campbell/San Jose casa!

3226 RIDDLE Rd
San Jose, CA 95117
$568,888

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,646
$/SQ. FT.: $344
LOT SIZE: 7,956 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1948
COMMUNITY: Campbell
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81205068
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 49 days

Gorgus inside:Brit/chesfl!tstflly remdle/update in modern style * Kit w/ track li, doubl-sink, grden windo . . * Huge clasy hal ba w/ jet tub, sep stal shower, dubl-sink, sky li . .. * Lrg Ms BR w/ slid dr to nuly lanscap B-yd * Nu fenc in Mar. * Wk-In Clset * Shor * 2-pane windos * Butifl wod fl * Tiled bath/kit/dining fl * nuer stov/roof/heater/drway . . * Recnt int/ext/paint. .. much mor * Convnt loc nr Santana Row/ W-field *

Oh my…I realize we are fast paced society who wants everything in Tweets of 140 characters or less.  But this realtard takes abbreviations to a whole new level. 

I teach elementary school and have seen some odd spelling skills in my time, but some of these I can’t even decipher.  For example, "chesfl!tstflly."  What is that?

Gud thng the hous is on Ridl Rd, bc the rite up is a ridl.  Bunus:  8s in the pris. .. . & nr santa rw!

Njoy!

Here’s a peach of a property courtesy of Burbed reader Swan, complete with an agent who ought to look into some alternate nicknames.

1980 HEATHERDALE Ave
San Jose, CA 95126
$475,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2.5
SQ. FT.: 1,550
$/SQ. FT.: $306
LOT SIZE: 6,360 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1946
COMMUNITY: Santa Clara
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81208684
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 6 days

Move in conditions, up dated kitchen and baths. Well maintained 4 bedrooms plus one additional master bedroom. Large level back yard , 2 car side by side. Apartment complex at back of this house. Short sale , 2 lender’s ( 2 loans )

Here’s what Swan thought about this place:

I came across this listing today and found it possibly Burbed-worthy.  First, the realtor’s name is Lucky Chan.  In my experience, any person or animal named Lucky is usually the opposite.  This realtor should change his name to Honest.  He is very honest in the listing:  apartment complex at the back of the house (yup, sure is), short sale (have fun looking at the price history on Zillow), and two lenders (that can’t be good).  Last we have "2 car side by side."  Do the cars come with the house?  Where are the lucky 8s in the price?  Anyway, someone buy this quickly so Lucky can get lucky. 

For a short sale, this property is in surprisingly acceptable shape… that is, for what little we get to see of it.  I do wonder why, given how little clutter was left in the yard, why we’re looking at any of it.  It would have taken all of 2 minutes to move that ladder and the blue ball out of the frame above, and another 2 for the small collection of patio crap at left.  I guess it was easier to simply go for the soft-focus effect.

And Honest, or Lucky, could have been even more honest by telling us about this home’s excellent location, location, location.  Not only is there an apartment complex behind it, you’re also really close to transportation!

Plus let’s take a quick peek at the neighborhood.

Awesome!  A gated home next door, plus on-street parking is at a premium.  Looks like you’ll be having all kinds of spirited discussions with your neighbors! 

All this and a house old enough to collect Social Security.  Maybe you’ll get Lucky, too.

That was a little jingle I remember from ages ago for Ohio-based burger chain White Castle, which made the tiniest (and not particularly good) hamburgers I’ve ever seen.  I suppose today they’d be called sliders, but back then, a square-stamped piece of beef product that looked like a die’s five-spot was what you got at a White Castle.

White Castle Service, It takes just a minute
For the classy little box with the hamburger in it
For you health we never fry them, we steam them on a bun
Buy White Castles by the sack cuz nobody eats just one!

Now if you’re from White Castle territory, maybe you had some thoughts of setting up a franchise on the West Coast and vacuuming up all the nostalgia-seeking East Coasters who moved here but miss the bad food of their youth.  If you see this as a reasonable business model, here is the perfect house for you.

This home has been noticed by several Burbed readers, including Swan, Tracy, and Lucia, thanks very much for lowering the drawbridge.

 

1905 QUAIL MEADOW Rd
Los Altos, CA 94024
$1,648,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 3
SQ. FT.: 2,911
$/SQ. FT.: $566
LOT SIZE: 0.49 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: French
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Mountains, Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1972
COMMUNITY: Country Club
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81138713
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 130 days

Unique 1/2 acre property nestled between the beauty of the mountains and closeness of town. Main house is a 3/2 with 2112 sq ft and Castle is a 1/1 with 800 sq ft. 4 open-space areas shared with 2 neighbors adds another 6/10th acre to main property. New carpet and paint in main house. Close to highly regarded Waldorf School.

This house comes with its own fracking castle.  I mean, did you take a look at that thing?  Holy crap.

I realize the flag is a bit of an anachronism, since our royalty prefers buildings with mawbul cawlums instead of crenellations, but you can always substitute something more appropriate, such as some heraldic beastie on its hind legs, or better yet, a White Castle Burger Flag, if they made any. 

Lucia notes:

There’s a fully functional, to code (I’m guessing) tower in the backyard. Perhaps it’s going so inexpensively because it once housed a poor adoptee/kidnapped girl who was never allowed to leave or cut her hair??

Tracy thinks it’s too bad this castle is so close to 280, but there’s more castles being catapulted into the Burbed queue via trebuchet.  Finally, here’s Swan’s observation why you should immediately buy this property.

The dude is upset that he put in a pool and not a guest castle like the house below. Who needs a guest cottage, when you can have a guest castle?

Note, this is a “must buy.”

The observation deck on the castle will come in handy when those nasty invaders start scaling the walls of 280. Should the invaders storm the castle, the open space shared with the neighbors will come in handy as a battlefield.

Or you could start up the franchise in your back yard and wait for Harold and Kumar to show up.  Plus this place is a lot more defensible than your standard burger franchise, which is something to think about if you’re going to stay open until 3 in the morning.

Today’s find is from Burbed reader Swan, and what a find it is.  Have you always hankered to create a side business, where you simply find a need and fill it?  This house will have carloads of cash leaping into your pockets!  Ka-ching!

374 S REDWOOD Ave
San Jose, CA 95128
$450,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,880
$/SQ. FT.: $239
LOT SIZE: 6,534 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Traditional
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1945
COMMUNITY: Campbell
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81043492
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Pending With Release
ON REDFIN: 495 days

SUBJECT TO RELEASE OF CONTRACT. CAMPBELL SCHOOL DISTRICT. SANTANA ROW. CLOSE TO SHOPPING, FREEWAYS AND/OR TRANSPORTATION. BACKYARD. BUYER TO VERIFY USE.

And here’s why Swan brought this domestic discovery to discussion:

Here’s a listing longing for some Burbed lovin’!

What’s not to love?

ALL CAPS, 460 days on Redfin, concrete front yard, what was the realtard thinking photos, proximity to the famed Santa Row (never worry about finding parking again – you’re within walking distance), and the always fun, “BUYER TO VERIFY USE.”

Concrete front yard?  You see a front yard, I see satellite parking lot.  This is all about location, location, location.  Santana Row is somewhere in the same timezone, and you could probably park eight cars in front of the house.  Set up a few orange cones and reserve street parking for your concession as well.

And there’s a backyard too!  No wonder you have to verify use!

Look, when opportunity like this knocks, you had better fling that door wide open.  You never know what’s going to be on the other side.

Remember all those listings that said “value is in the land”?  Burbed reader Swan has sent in a parcel that’s going to stress-test that theory.  Thanks a “lot” Swan!

0 PEACHTREE Ln (Unable to map), San Jose, CA 95128
$298,000

BEDS: –
BATHS: –
SQ. FT.: –
LOT SIZE: 7,560 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Residential Land (Single Family)
COMMUNITY: Santa Clara
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81119634
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 215 days

To be sold with Lot 274-35-075 Approx 11,600 sf total. Price is for both parcels. ADDRESS SHOULD BE 0 CHERRYSTONE DR. ACCESS TO PARCELS IS FROM THE CORNER OF BASCOM AVE & CHERRYSTONE DR. PARCEL 2 IS BEHIND PARCEL 1 THRU CHAIN LINK FENCE.

Here’s why Swan sent this vacant lot in:

This is a lot for sale in my neighborhood.  The map link on the agent’s website does not take you to the correct location.  Use Google Maps to map 2012 Cherrystone, San Jose 95128.  The lot is next to the home, right along Bascom Ave.  It’s a very long and skinny lot. 

First, I can’t imagine anyone paying $298K for this though it does have *easy freeway access.*  Second, the lot is 7500 square feet which is decent for our neighborhood, but I have no idea how you’d fit a house on this lot!

Nonsense, this is a fantastic opportunity.  These parcels are in the thick of the teeming vitality that makes Silicon Valley such a Special place to live!  Nothing could be finer than this location, location, location! 

And wouldn’t you love to live on the corner of Cherrystone and Bascom, so convenient to the freeway!  Why hasn’t this been snapped up ages ago?  It includes a CHAIN LINK FENCE.

Don’t worry that the agent put the wrong address for the parcel into MLS and “corrected” it in the listing copy.  That way it’s a secret private deal, just for you, or only those “in the know” who use Google.  Kind of the way 0 Peachtree is a secret, private lot. 

Maybe this listing is like the Mountain View three for one on Monday.  In today’s case, it’s a BOGO.  Or a BOGZ.  Or if we label it for locality, since it’s in the United States, a BOG-US.