We’ve made comments about certain property listings where the photos seem more suited to an art gallery than a home website. Today’s house, though, is in a class by itself for serious WTFness. This San Jose museum masterpiece is so moved miles more than the masonry mainstream that it was nominated by two different Burbed readers within 24 hours: z2amiller and mtv-renter.

Grab your AudioTour listening device, slip on your headphones, and enjoy these curated images from a Cambrian townhouse available right now through your favorite real estate professional.  Or pick your least favorite realtard just to make ‘em have to look at it.

5692 HOLLYLEAF Ln
San Jose, CA 95118
$485,000

HOA Dues: $329/mo.
2 Beds
2 Baths
1,102 Sq. Ft.
$440 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1973
Lot Size: 2,120 Sq. Ft.
On Redfin: 9 days
HOA Dues: $329/month
Style: Traditional
Community: Cambrian
MLS#: 81308592
Property Type: Townhouse
View: Green Belt, Neighborhood
County: Santa Clara

This home is a work of art! Upon entering you will be amazed at the artistry of the tile floors and walls These amazing mosaics were designed by a true artist. This colorful home features a remodeled kitchen with granite counters updated appliances copper sink double pane windows 2 spacious patios 2 car garage and a great location in the complex across from a green belt Must See one of kind Home!

Tile? That roof above looks just fine for a place in California.  Although somebody please give this listing agent some punctuation.

Ooooookay, the patio is just a touch on the loud side.  Things are about to get louder, so click on through. Warning, eye protection is strongly recommended.

(more…)

Today we have a short but sweet guest post from z2amiller!  It’s another luscious listing in the location, location, location land of Mountain View, but this time z left the confines of the immediate neighborhood and found us something even better.

Unfortunately it was sent over the transom as a PowerPoint slide deck.  Given how close this house is to a thriving commercial district, you should be jumping on it as a Web 3.0 opportunity.

Please give z2amiller a big, warm and profitable Real Bay Area welcome as today’s Guest Blogger!

911 BORANDA Ave Unit A, Mountain View, CA 94040
$594,500

BEDS: 2
BATHS: 1
SQ. FT.: 523
$/SQ. FT.: $1,137
LOT SIZE: 3,160 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Cottage/Bungalow
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1900
COMMUNITY: Miramonte
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81144771
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 39 days

Cute cottage style bungalow with nice size backyard. .. tiki hut with tropical look and feel. .. perfect for entertaining. Property is walking distance to downtown Mountain View. Gorgeous kitchen, with cherry wood cabinets, newer stainless steel appliances, granite counter tops, and beautiful hardwood floors.

This one made me WTFOL (WTF out loud): @ ~600K

• 523 sqft (Not counting the tiki hut! Tiki hut?)
• 523 sqft house with a $100K kitchen (stainless steel, granite, cherry cabinets)
• Bedroom Desk (picture 7, with laptop) is a Costco steel wire rack – with 523sqft you have to think vertically!

• Okay actually the tiki hut is kind of awesome (photos 11-14)

• Only a short block away, and more importantly, downwind from Clark’s Hamburgers – your tiki hut will always smell like fresh hamburgers!
• Appears to be in the backyard of a strip mall with a tattoo parlor (Revolution Ink)
• Look at the shape of that lot!   Maybe 3100 sqft but at it looks like about 1/3 – 1/4 of that is useless.

Sorry no time for a full write up, only bullet-point snark

Here’s a find from Burbed reader z2amiller, opportunity lost, but caught forever in screenshots!  This is was your chance to buy at 1940s pricing, for a house that wouldn’t be built for another thirty years!

1236 Thorpe Ct, Los Alto, CA 94024
$11,000

BEDS: 5
BATHS: 4.5
SQ. FT.: 4,723
$/SQ. FT.: $2
LOT SIZE: 0.36 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Cottage/Bungalow
STORIES: 1
YEAR BUILT: 1972
YEAR COMMUNITY: South of El Monte
COUNTY: Santa Clara County
MLS#: 81128442
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 1 day

Stunning 5 bedroom estate offers multiple master bedroom suites. Your idyllic country retreat displays elevated ceilings, glistening hardwood floors featuring original elements complimented with recent updates- a tasteful display of modernity. Living Room and Kitchen overlooking the wonderfully landscaped backyard. Escape into your own private retreat every single day/Fully furninshed!A must have!

Two dollars a foot.  Two dollars a foot?  At this price I’d buy every house on the block.  For cash.

Okay, how’s this.  Zillow has the same offer at the same price.  Kind of.

Oh, you want to purchase the house?  Zillow has a different recollection of how that went down:

Um, two million?  Well, that’s very different from the asking price when z2amiller found this listing, isn’t it?

Two million?  As in 200 times more than the original asking price?

Two million?

Never mind.

Here’s a find from Burbed reader z2amiller, no doubt one of the many also-rans during the long road to homeloanership.  You all remember z2amiller, don’t you?  First burbed reader who admitted, and thus earned this badge:

801 WAKE FOREST Dr, Mountain View, CA 94043
$558,000

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,075
$/SQ. FT.: $519
LOT SIZE: 7,700 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Ranch
STORIES: 1
VIEW: Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 1954
COMMUNITY: Whisman
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81125530
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 12 days

Great starter home in Mountain View w/ 4 bdrm. & 2 baths. Freshly painted interior & exterior. New carpets and linoleum. New stove w/ self cleaning oven, fan-hood and dishwasher. The Washer Dryer & Refrig stay. If you love gardening/fruit trees/flowers/herb garden/and vegtable garden you will love this 7700sf lot. Room for boat. Front yard mostly roses on drip system. No Gar. door closed/up-1-car

Here’s what z2amiller had to say about this property:

9 pictures and not a single one of the indoors? 4 bedrooms in 1075 sqft? I guess you better _really_ love gardening and spending time outside in your huge 7700 sqft lot!

They must have changed the pictures, only four of them are outdoors now!  And note how this one managed to include the TP on the roll, even!

Wow, I’m getting trippy watching all those water features line up, all those metal bars line up, it even repeats in the mirror… and the metal soap dish reinforces the metal TP holder.  Now that’s art.  Whatever money they spent on HDR photography was money well spent.  I want to buy this place and set up an easel and canvas and see if I can get some water lily action going.  Or at least water closet.