June 28, 2013

Make this 6 BR house into a 6 BR retreat and please buy it already

We’re taking another drive by Redwood City this week, but this time we’re headed for the hills. Emerald Hills, that is. Or Cordilleras Heights, depending on which realtard portal you choose.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader laurenatuw for this find somewhere in the Woodside zip code. 

130627-california-redfin645 CALIFORNIA Way
Redwood City, CA 94062
$1,700,000

9 Beds
6 Baths
3,100 Sq. Ft.
$548 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 2007
Lot Size: 0.32 Acres
On Redfin: 22 days
Status: Active
Property Type Detached Single Family
Community: Cordilleras Heights
MLS#: 81319700

Best lot in Emerald Hills. Excellent location. 3100 sq foot main house and guest house with additional 579 sq feet. Great possibilities await you. Make it into a 6 bedroom retreat.

130627-california-livingUnfortunately for us, we were unable to find the interesting photos that laurenatuw must have seen when sending this in:

wow, a gem

3100 square foot main house is apparently not big enough to have a couch that wouldn’t block the door.

and maybe they are simply suggesting projects by the abundance of remodel supplies in the pics: tractor, ladder, random plywood, traffic cone – its practically a where’s waldo of construction items hiding in a 1.7mill listing

Alas no remodeling supplies in the current pictures. And for 3100 feet of main house they’re being awfully skimpy on the photos, because here are the other two.

130627-california-guest130627-california-view

Fortunately, there are always some sites our there that take their sweet time updating listings.  Today we’re featuring a new one for you: HomeSwing.  (Wow, that sounds kind of sleazy, doesn’t it?  Maybe they arrange key parties.)

For Sale › California › Redwood City › 94062

130627-california-homeswing645 California Way
Redwood City, CA 94062
FOR SALE $1,680,000

  • $8,738/month
  • 9 Bedrooms
  • 6.0 Bathrooms
  • 3100 sq ft
  • Built 2007
  • Single-Family Home

Big Price Reduction. Beautiful Emerald Hills. Expansive 4 yr old home – 9 bdrms, 6 full bath. Main house 3100 sq ft & Guest house is additional 579 sq ft. 14000 sq ft Corner Level lot w/RV access & Electric gate. Backyard is large enough for a pool. (Pool plans already apprvd by design review board)

Property Highlights
  • San Mateo County
  • 9 Bedrooms
  • 130627-california-patio6.0 Bathrooms
  • Finished: 3100 sq ft
  • Built 2007
  • Geo Coordinates: 37.457, -122.276
  • ZIP: 94062
  • Days On Homeswing: 647

Wait, what… 647 days on market?  Unfortunately HomeSwing is leaving out some useful information, such as the MLS ID number so we could see just how old this listing is. But the 2011 copyright on the photos offer us a free clue.  (As do the exact same photos cached from California Moves, along with the MLS ID of #40541748.  As opposed to the other MLS ID of #40617479. Neither of which start with Lucky #8, so they’re probably dangerous.)

130627-california-couchThen we found a different couch blocking the door.

There was also a completely different random view from the second floor than in the most recent set of (only 4) pix. 

Plus a photo of the fence, in case you were worried there weren’t any.  Fences.

We’re sorry we couldn’t find the construction equipment scavenger hunt, but while we’re not finding any, feel free to predict just what the correct price level is to induce the proper overbidding.  This agent is off to a great start raising the price $20K on a house that didn’t sell in two years.

130627-california-view2130627-california-fence

Bunus: Did you make your best price estimate? See how well you tracked Zillow’s Zestimates! They didn’t think this house was appreciating very quickly. It must have been built in one of those Not Actually In The Real Bay Area portions of an otherwise RBA zip code.

130627-california-zestimate

Comments (5) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:07 am






April 28, 2013

Bay Area Bubble 4.0: The Real Bay Area is Real, too

We told you there was a Bay Area real estate bubble. This mercurynews.com (motto: we were once a newspaper, really!) article caught our attention. Not only does it lend support to everything we said about peak housing prices in northwest Silicon Valley and other prime real estate markets, there’s another interesting reveal as well.

Bay Area housing recovery spreads from Silicon Valley to East Bay

130427-svpeak-mapBy Pete Carey, San Jose Mercury News
Posted:   04/26/2013 06:54:33 AM PDT, Updated:   04/26/2013 06:54:55 AM PDT

The Bay Area’s overheated housing market is restoring thousands of homes to their pre-crash peak values in a ZIP-code-by-ZIP-code recovery that is rapidly spreading from Silicon Valley to the East Bay.

Thirty-four of 185 ZIP codes in five counties have regained or surpassed their bubble-era peak home value or are less than 1 percent from it, according to this newspaper’s analysis of February median values for all homes from online real estate site Zillow.

Another 49 ZIPs are within 15 percent of their previous highs, including 18 in the East Bay. A year ago, only part of leafy Palo Alto had regained the value it lost after Bay Area home values crested in 2006-07.

"Seven or eight years ago, there was really a bubble," said Richard Green, director of the Lusk Center for Real Estate at the University of Southern California. "Now it’s just good real estate where values are returning to near past peaks."

Yes, This Time It’s Different 4.0.  This is “good real estate” as opposed to Bay Area Bubble 3.0 which was also considered “good real estate,” as we can see by looking at some of the stories they ran in 2006.  Here’s one:

MercuryNews.com | 10/03/2006 | ‘Burdened’: Area owners pay a big chunk of their income for housing
Lenders and other home buying experts said they’re not surprised by the numbers, which they said reflect a long-running trend in the Bay Area. And some questioned whether the 30 percent figure was outdated, saying many people can afford to pay more.

[snip]

Lenders and real estate experts said home buyers in the Bay Area are used to paying more for housing than home buyers elsewhere, and that many, like Singer, use their homes as a savings plan. Most have figured out how to manage the extra debt, they said. In some cases, borrowers are making smaller down payments than previous generations of home buyers.

“(They) are going to make the lifestyle change necessary to own a home, which may mean that 50 percent of their income goes to their mortgage. . . . (They) don’t go out to dinner, they don’t go shopping anymore. It’s about changing their lifestyle,” said Andrea Lanier, a mortgage broker with the San Mateo office of Bankers Preferred Real Estate Loans.

But what we’d also like you to pay attention to is the map pictured above.  Green represents home values above the 2005-08 bubble previous peak, and red means the current value is below the pre-crash peak.  And by “values” they mean those Zestimate numbers that Zillow not only made up, they keep changing the historical data retroactively. Hope that’s science-y enough for you because we’re sure convinced! 

The first thing we noticed was that there’s green where we expect to find it: along the 280 spine.  Where’s the red? Why the East Bay, of course.  Now, let’s look at this map next to a few others we’ve featured in the past.  As always, you can click on any map to see a larger version.

First, here’s the map above next to a recent Zillow map of negative equity.  Difficult to have high home values when the homes are worth less than the “owners” owe on them.

130427-svpeak-map

Next, the infamous “Whole Foods vs Walmart” location maps.

And finally, the some of the “Real Bay Area” maps we’ve provided in the past.  2010 is on the left, 2008 on the right.

And here’s the granddaddy.

Hate to say we told you so, but we told you so — about ten kajillion times.  Eventually Bay Area Bubble 4.0 will raise East Bay home prices above the last peak, by which point The Real Bay Area (which most certainly does not include the East Bay) will be so expensive that even dual-income Google couples will be Priced. Out. For-EVEH!

Until Bay Area Bubble 4.0 goes all Bubblepopcalypse on us and we start preparing for Bay Area Bubble 5.0. As you load up on gold bars and dried beans, let us know what Open Houses you were checking out, because this is also your Weekend Open Thread!

Comments (13) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:08 am

January 18, 2013

NEVER BEFORE ON THE MARKET

Burbed got its start almost seven years ago, featuring very expensive houses in very questionable locations in very poor repair.  But housing win isn’t all crapboxes and open potties and questionable listing copy.  Sometimes there’s much to enjoy with a premium listing as well.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader SMParkster for following up on a fantabulous feudal feast!

130117-greer-redfin331 GREER Rd
Woodside, CA 94062
$85,000,000

9 Beds 
8.5 Baths 
9,000 Sq. Ft.
$9,444 / Sq. Ft.
Built: 1946 
Lot Size: 91.94 Acres 
On Redfin: 60 days
Status: Active
Property Type: Detached Single Family
Stories: 2
Community: Central Woodside
MLS#: 81241344
Style: Colonial
View: Mountains, Lake
County: San Mateo

LANDMARK PROPERTY NEVER BEFORE ON THE MARKET. PROPERTY CONSISTS OF 3 PARCELS—PARCEL #072-052-020 51.04 ACRES. .PARCEL #072-052-260 39.40 ACRES AND PARCEL #072-072-010 1.5 ACRES TOTALING APPROX 91.94 ACRES. .BORDERED ON ONE SIDE BY HUDDART PARK, GLORIOUS LAND W/ ROLLING OAK-STUDDED HILLS OPEN MEADOWS & ENDLESS VIEWS. CIRCA 1941 COLONIAL ESTATE HOME, GATEHOUSE & CARETAKER’S COTTAGE. WOODSIDE SCHOOL

130117-greer-gullixsonWait, this place looks familiar.

Flood estate in Woodside is for sale… $85 million.  Perfect example of why Prop 13 needs to go…. the most recent property tax was under $8000. 

That estate doesn’t look flooded at all, but we admit we didn’t check all 92 acres of it.  Maybe that lake used to be the golf course. 

And what’s this “On Redfin 60 days”?  SM sent this in four months ago.  When we went to check the listing history for further hints, we found only an MLS listing entry from November, plus an announcement that the seller didn’t want any estimates of the property’s value, so no links to any of the automated home valuation websites would be provided.

Like this one.

130117-greer-zestimate

They’re awfully sensitive about any of you finding out that you could rent this place out for $6500 a month instead of Buying It Now for $85M.  As the agent helpfully points out, “You never see this kind of land.”

Comments (15) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:10 am

September 23, 2012

Hillsborough: Perfect Place for a Mitt Romney Fundraiser

The San Francisco Chronicle breathlessly reports that the Mitt Romney For President Campaign (nickname: UnMittigated Disaster) paid a visit to the Real Bay Area.  The Romneys were welcomed by co-hosts Meg Whitman and George Shultz… and a very SF Bay protest group.

Romney collects funds in Hillsborough

120922-romney-protestCarla Marinucci, SF Chronicle; Updated 12:45 p.m., Saturday, September 22, 2012

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has had a trying week, what with the surfacing of a video in which he appears to dismiss 47 percent of Americans as government freeloaders.

So he was probably looking forward to being among friends at a high-dollar fundraiser in Hillsborough Friday evening. But in the solidly Democratic Bay Area that meant he first had to experience an enthusiastic greeting from about two dozen protesters as his motorcade drove through the wealthy neighborhood where the event was held.

Some of those protesters carried signs reminding him of the video, in which Romney appears to denigrate supporters of President Obama. Others jabbed at his release Friday of his 2011 tax returns.

120922-romney-blockshopperWhat this article neglects to cover is the Hillsborough house.  Fear not!  Burbed has #factchecked the reportage!

The house used for Romney’s fundraiser belongs to Ada Regan and is, according to the Los Angeles Times, “a 13,820-square foot manse with nine bedrooms and 9.5 bathrooms…”  And what did Mr. Romney think of it?

Speaking about a dinner held for him in the Bay Area the previous night, Romney noted on Saturday that the driveway to the estate appeared at least a mile long.

“It’s like, Oh my goodness, how in the world? And then we came to the home, and it was like San Simeon, you know, the Hearst Castle,” Romney told donors at a different fundraiser on Saturday. “It was this beautiful home with gardens, manicured gardens, and a pool and a topiary and so forth.”

120922-romney-satelliteOMFG Oh my goodness! A topiary!  Bet they don’t have those in La Jolla.  You know what else they don’t have?  A house on 48.26 acres. Check this parcel out (right)!

We also arranged for a UAV with a camera to bring you these ultra-secret aerial photos of the house itself.  (Drones: they’re not just for assassinations anymore!) Remember, no mile-long driveway can keep Burbed from reporting to you on current house events!  The only way to stay off this page is to keep your house off the entire internet!

120922-romney-zoomin

120922-romney-iphone5

“Bunus:” Zillow thinks this ginormous house on 2 million square feet of land is worth five million dollars.  That would be about right if the house came with one acre.  Can’t win them all, Zillow.

Now, let’s take two recent items in the news.

  • Secret video of Romney taken at a Florida fundraiser causes no end of headaches for the Republican Presidential candidate
  • The iPhone 5 is released yesterday

Hmmm.  Are you thinking what we’re thinking?  Keep an eye on YouTube for more amazing MittVid in full 1080p.

Comments (15) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:07 am

August 22, 2012

Time-tested Los Altos Hills listing dares you to overbid

A little less than a year ago we found an agent website listing ten big, expensive properties in the Real Bay Area (well, most of them were in the RBA). We dug in deep to see how the very high end market was doing as it began the fourth year of a prolonged economic slowdown.  Burbed reader Robert Dow recently sent in a Los Altos Hills luxe listing, and sure enough, it was one of the ten featured fabulous freeholds.  So let’s dwell on these digs in more detail.  To the Batmobile!

27040 Old Trace Lane
Los Altos Hills, CA 94022
$19,880,000

120821-oldtrace-estately

120821-oldtrace-guesthouse6 beds
7 baths
14855 sqft
3 acres
1990 built
30 days on site
MLS# 81227454
Walk Score™ 23

Spectacular Estate situated on a Private Country Lane 3.39 acres (per prelim) Main House w/dramatic entrance salon, Library/Office, Family/Game Room, Theatre, Gentleman’s Bar, Exercise Room, Wine Cellar, Indoor Exercise Pool, attached 8-Car Garage, Generator, Well for irrigation. 2bd/2ba Guest House,Tennis Court pool and elevated spa; Terrace w/outdoor fireplace; firepit . Palo Alto schools

120821-oldtrace-libraryHere’s what Robert had to say when bringing this gem to our attention.

Saw this listing for a $19,880,000 home for sale. No idea if this a reasonable price, but the house is pretty spectacular. Is this the kind of listing you’re looking for or is there some other set of criteria? Thanks.

Who wants to tell Robert what the criteria are for a home to be featured on Burbed?  There are so many ways for RBA realty to win the Internet!  For example, this one’s got a MAWBUL KAWLUM even on the guest house porch!  And check out this “library,” where books are under glass.

Like any big, expensive, and mutli-acred mansion, it has a Virtual Tour.  Unlike most of them, it also has a Gentleman’s Bar (unclear if the strippers are included, consult agent for details before writing offer).  But most importantly, it has a history, although you’d never know that if you used the Estately page.

120821-oldtrace-masterFortunately, when we reviewed the Astonishing Webpage we filled in all those price reductions, so there’s not much more to add.  And Zillow has it all, anyway, even if Redfin and Estately used the memory hole (as well as the seller request to not link to its Zestimate of $17,227,396)

Listed: 3/17/2008 at $25,000,000
Price Increased: 4/26/2008 to $28,950,000 (+16%)
Price Reduced: 5/22/2008 to $25,000,000 (-13.6%)
Listing canceled: 9/20/2008
Relisted: 8/30/2010 – 12/27/2010 at $24,950,000 (-0.2%)
Relisted: 2/1/2011 – 7/11/2011 at $20,500,000 (-17.8%)
Relisted: 7/22/2012 at $19,880,000 (-3.0%)

120821-oldtrace-kawlumsOh, about that Zestimate.  It’s 13.3% below today’s list price, which disappoints us.  We had a theory that the Zestimate for any large, custom, hard-to-price estate like this would be exactly 15% lower than the current asking price (and if you don’t believe us, go back to the Astonishing Webpage and check all ten of them).

Anyway, the hapless seller has been chasing the market down for more than FOUR YEARS.  At what point will their price cutting finally hit the market bouncing back up?  They have to get lucky this year, there’s a couple of 8s in the price now! Oh, wait.  Facebook isn’t going to save the RBA after all.  Never mind.

Comments (5) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:10 am

July 6, 2012

Seller will finance w/ NO qual.

Here’s a little something to consider while another weekend is coming!  Thanks very much to Burbed reader nomadic for this luscious listing in Los Altos Hills.

11195 HOOPER Ln
Los Altos Hills, CA 94024
$4,099,000

120705-hooper-redfin

120705-hooper-frontBEDS:  4
BATHS:  4
SQ. FT.:  4,700
$/SQ. FT.:  $872
LOT SIZE:  1.86 Acres
PROPERTY TYPE: Detached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 2
YEAR BUILT:  1957
COMMUNITY:  Los Altos Hills
COUNTY:  Santa Clara
MLS#:  81217362
SOURCE:  MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN:  57 days

Seller will finance w/ NO qual. LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION: Private, Secure, Quiet, Serene, with City and Bay Views, and proximity to town are UNIQUE and RARE in this wooded ~2 Acres property. Update or rebuild the existing Comtemp. Style home in this Executive Estate. Detached cottage w/ Full Kitchen is ideal for backyard living/entertain w/ no direct visuals to any neighbors.

120705-hooper-kitchenAnd you thought the market was hot, hot, HOT?  Then what’s with this seller financing deal, w/ NO qual.  That’s probably short for “quality.”  Plus you can “update or rebuild” which means the “existing Contemp. Style home” isn’t exactly turnkey.  More like turkey.

There’s a virtual tour, if you really want to see how a 1957 house can be Contemp. Style.  Maybe that stands for the “contempt” the sellers must have, as they’ve been trying to get out from under this place since 2007.  Here’s the listing history, courtesy of Zillow.

Price History

Date Description Price Change $/sqft Source  
05/11/2012 Listed for sale $4,099,000 -14.6% $872 Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage – Los Altos
08/07/2011 Listing removed $4,798,000 $1,020 Keller Williams Realty
05/06/2011 Listed for sale $4,798,000 -8.6% $1,020 Keller Williams Realty
08/14/2009 Listing removed $5,250,000 $1,117 NRT California
02/25/2009 Listed for sale $5,250,000 $1,117 NRT California
11/15/2008 Listing removed $5,250,000 $1,117 TourFactory
09/20/2008 Listed for sale $5,250,000 $1,117 TourFactory
06/13/2008 Listing removed $5,250,000 $1,117 TourFactory
06/01/2008 Listed for sale $5,250,000 -0.8% $1,117 TourFactory
01/04/2008 Listing removed $5,294,000 $1,126
08/26/2007 Listed for sale $5,294,000 521% $1,126 Agent
10/08/1996 Sold $852,000 1.4% $181 Public Record   
08/19/1994 Sold $840,000 $178 Public Record

Wrap that up with a ZEstimate range of $2.68 to $4.09 M and maybe some Facebook millionaire will take it off their hands by 2015.

 

Comments (12) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:03 am

June 17, 2012

Who says nothing ever happens in Novato?

Bet you’ll never think about the northern Marin city of Novato in the same way after you read this.  Thanks very much to Burbed reader nomadic for this noteworthy news item from the North Bay!

Picasso lithograph stolen from Novato mansion recovered

KTVU.com and Wires, Monday June 11th, 2012

120616-obertz-satelliteNOVATO, Calif. — A Pablo Picasso lithograph worth $30,000 that was stolen from a Novato mansion owned by former Ukrainian Prime Minister Pavlo Lazarenko was recovered Sunday morning, a Novato police sergeant said.

The framed lithograph, titled "Femme au Chignon," was found around 8:20 a.m. propped against a fence along a curb on Burning Tree Drive by neighbors who were driving to a hiking trail, Sgt. Jennifer Welch said.

"It was placed there to be found," Welch said.

The lithograph is believed to have been taken from the furnished but unoccupied residence at 100 Obertz Lane that is owned by Lazarenko, who was serving time in a federal prison in Los Angeles for conspiracy and money laundering.

What a great story!  Stolen art, a foreigner with suitcases full of cash, and he’s in jail for not doing a better job hiding the suitcases.  Out of control teenfest!  But most important: Show-off mansion!

120616-obertz-redfin

120616-obertz-satellite[4]Holy crap, this HOUSE has almost a half acre of living space!  The tag “ginormous” we use for homes over five thousand square feet simply doesn’t do this one justice.  And while Redfin thinks you want the lot size in square feet, Zillow has the sense to translate it into acres: 11.21 of them.

ZEstimate: $5,052,500.  Rent ZEstimate: $7,045 a month.  That’s a little more house than you can get for that amount in Palo Alto.

Just how many suitcases did the former prime minister have with him?  It better have been worth the nine years in prison.

Comments (9) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:15 am

March 17, 2012

A dozen plus tenants in a million-dollar hood

Foreclosure rattles upscale San Jose neighborhood, and tenants

By Pete Carey, San Jose Mercury News
Posted:   03/14/2012 05:53:36 PM PDT, Updated: 03/15/2012 10:14:37 AM PDT

120315-lacastellet-partitionsThe two-story home in the East San Jose foothills could belong to any well-to-do family, but step through the door and you’re inside a million-dollar suburban foreclosure quagmire.

More than a dozen adults and their pets have been living in a warren of rented rooms in the foreclosed house, turning a tranquil cul-de-sac into what one upset neighbor called "a nightmare for all of us living on that block."

120315-lacastellet-laundryAccording to attorneys for the tenants, the former owner was renting out rooms — including the laundry room and a living room split in two — in the months after the home was foreclosed by the bank. They claim she never told tenants about the foreclosure. Now the tenants face eviction in a hearing to be held Thursday in Santa Clara County Superior Court.

San Jose police officers have responded 16 times since September to resolve disputes and disturbances at the five bedroom, four bath home on La Castellet Court, where houses are valued at $1 million or more. The city’s code enforcement department says it has an open case on the house.      

120315-lacastellet-staircaseRemember the Cubicle House?  This owner simply took that idea one step further now that rentals beat office space.

For all of you who have been criticizing the idea of The Real Bay Area versus The Part That Is Not, this should definitively settle those arguments.  Things like this simply Do Not Happen In The Real Bay Area.  If someone in Los Altos Hills were to notice 15 cars parked along the street in front of the 4,000 square foot housing tumor next door, Code Enforcement would not merely say they have “an open case on the house.”

And in Palo Alto, every one of those vehicles would have collected parking tickets within 2 hours and 10 minutes.

Anyway, our intrepid reporters have tracked down the house in question.

120315-lacastellet-redfin

Unfortunately for purposes of journalistic outrage, the Streetview photo does not have the aforementioned excess vehicle collection.

120315-lacastellet-streetview

Zillow can show us the neighborhood values.

120315-lacastellet-zestimates

Homeowners here certainly may have paid over a million for this area, but Zillow has a disturbing lack of faith in their reported valuations.  The expressway-like street against the backyards is Aborn. 

And if you’re wondering why the FB felt the need to fill this home chock-a-block with tenants while hiding from Bank of America, wait until you hear the bubblicious price paid for this place: $1,580,000 on Halloween of 2006. 

Comments (16) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:09 am

October 25, 2011

A Tour de Force? This is at least a Tour de Sixce

Thanks very much to Burbed reader Overheard in San Carlos for this find nowhere near San Carlos.  Even though this was sent in a couple of months ago, it’s still on the market.  If you read Saturday’s piece on Astonishing Homes, that fact won’t astonish you in the least.

If you’re asking yourself why it took a couple of months to run this listing, then you’ll realize there are many great submissions to choose from.  At some point we many need to start running houses on weekends, which would be a terrible shame.  That would mean no more zip code articles, ever again, and they were such a reader favorite!

So, on to today’s featured home in Los Altos Hills!

 

11580 OLD RANCH Rd, Los Altos Hills, CA 94024
$6,850,000

image

 

BEDS: 4
BATHS: 5
SQ. FT.: 7,825
$/SQ. FT.: $875
LOT SIZE: 1 Acre
PROPERTY TYPE: Attached Single Family
STYLE: Contemporary
STORIES: 2
VIEW: Green Belt, Neighborhood
YEAR BUILT: 2010
COMMUNITY: Los Altos Hills
COUNTY: Santa Clara
MLS#: 81134148
SOURCE: MLSListings
STATUS: Active
ON REDFIN: 79 days

Serenity, Privacy, Seclusion. This Komo Construction Contemporary masterpiece provides an incredibly spacious floor plan of approx. 7,825 sq. ft. plus approx. 1024 sq. ft. bonus room, up to 25 ft. soaring ceilings. The lush resort style backyard, complete with infinity pool and relaxing spa, is perfect for entertaining and quiet enjoyment.

Masterpiece, spacious floor plan, soaring ceilings, lush resort, perfect for entertaining, quiet enjoyment. That’s about five too many real estate clichés for one listing, and we haven’t even gotten to the title they’ve given the virtual tour: “A Tour de Force of Contemporary Design.”

I hope you know what “Contemporary Design” means.  That’s right.  NO MAWBUL KAWLUMS.  It also means “This place is perfect for Unhappy Hipsters captions.”  Here’s a couple of my suggestions.

image

The captive dwarf cypress glared at the locked cell door while the bench covers continued their mockery.

image

The fern reported every door barred on the second floor, while the electrified fence prevented a leap to the possibility of freedom below.

Many more pictures await you, so have at it!  Meanwhile, watch the seller try to explain the asking price with that ZEstimate of $2.4 million.  Then it’s a Tour de Twoce.

Comments (7) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:02 am

October 22, 2011

Silicon Valley Luxury Real Estate’s Most Astonishing Webpage Ever

I read a lot of real estate sites in order to bring you Burbed-worthy features.  Recently, I found an agent’s special “Astonishing Homes” page that looked absolutely scrumptious.  Plenty of seven and even eight-figure high-end properties on acres of land with great schools.

Now I know absolutely nothing about this particular agent, but all these homes were on MLS. Member agents can detail any MLS listings in their region, and Sophia Delacotte put together a webpage with nicer luxury properties for people to get some real estate pr0n action.  But something was amiss when I took a closer look at the actual listings.

image

With ten different houses, that’s ten front facades and ten sets of details.  I have all that waiting for you inside, but before you join me, make your prediction how many of these ten estate properties:

  • Sold (pending within 7 days)
  • Sold (pending within 30 days)
  • Sold in a longer timeframe
  • Are still active on MLS
  • Had their listing withdrawn
  • Had a price reduction at some point

For “bunus” yucks, guess how many of these ten estate homes have marble columns.

Got your guesses ready?  Good.  Now, let’s see these Astonishing Homes and find out if you’re as Astonished as I was.

(more…)

Comments (17) -- Posted by: madhaus @ 5:06 am